we had lots of very exciting text messages for a few weeks and couldnt wait to get together.When we all met it was very exciting at first but when I saw my boyfriend actually doing it with the other woman I freaked and told everybody to leave. Am I a prude?
2007-05-16 07:21:32 · 30 answers · asked by weewa 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
First off, it is 100% okay to have fantasies, but when one tries to act on them, there are often complications.
You were absolutely right to stop and not go through with it if anyone had the least bit of feeling uncomfortable. It is not something to feel pushed into and feel empty later.
"Swinging" is dangerous territory and rarely if ever has a positive result.
Lets put aside the subject of STDs for a moment - which is a big consideration and let's just talk about the emotions.
It can break a couple up or if not can cause mistrust. It can magnify the weak areas in a relationship (every couple even with a fairly strong relationship has their achilles heel). One or both partners may have jealous or suspicious feelings that they may normally not have , and may wonder if their partner is hooking up with the other person in secret after the experience whether it is true or not.
It may bring out insecurity that your partner preferred the other person's body, etc , or was comparing. Also, even if you are a fully confident person there is a "protective" instinct that may kick in for your partner.
Then of course - what happens if your partner does something with them that they don't do to you.
Some people say swinging is fine, but the examples usually are people with "open relationships" who have an arrangement where they can sleep with anyone they want to.
However, those relationships typically do not, despite what they say have that level of unconditional love in them that makes one person want to center their life around that one person to begin with.
2007-05-16 07:35:36 · answer #1 · answered by JustMe 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
How old is he. When you get married there are a lot of legal obligations, you are looking at this long term and a permanent relationship, he might be thinking things might change in 7 years time. And hey guess what things will be different in 7 years time, I would back off, if you don't want that situation. The best thing me and my partner did was not get married, she gave it 2 years, 11 years later she gives it 18 months to 2 years LOL. I agree as we have not had an argument for about 6 years, but neither of us wanted to commit at the time, and due to everything being continually up in the air, it is doubtful we shall. Start to look at what your likes and dislikes are, do you spend all your spare time doing similar things. If he is under 25 then wait until he is around 26, 27 and see what the situation is, becuase he will be a different person, and so will you. And if you are not married and decide to part, there will be an easy split. If you are married there will be blood everywhere.
2016-05-19 21:59:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just take it as a lesson: Don't start something you can't finish.
Alternative sexuality is only good and fun when you go into it with BOTH EYES OPEN. You knew what you were going to do, and either you thought you would like it and mistakenly found you didn't, or you really had no intention of doing it and just went along with your boyfriend.
I have been involved in a number of such relationships, and the one thing all of the players had in common was a strong, clear sense of their own sexuality; rules in place for approaching such play with others; and most importantly a strong love relationship with their partner and the security of knowing same. It also helped that, in all those cases, the partners / participants had a strong sexual drive and the curiosity to experiment with it without allowing emotions to cloud it. Some people attach love to sex and cannot separate the two, while others can easily play with recreational sex and not become emotionally mixed up.
2007-05-16 07:31:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the thought of it was what you liked, but when it came down to actually doing it, then you freaked, the question is do you really want to continue on with this relationship now that you know your boyfriend really liked it?
You got a real experience there and no you are not a prude, now you know that you do not like it, you should tell your boyfriend how you feel.
You might have a couple of nightmares after this, though.
2007-05-16 07:27:29 · answer #4 · answered by carriegreen13 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say that at all. If you were a prude, then you wouldn't even have considered the other couple thing. You just like your man a little too much to share him. Don't feel bad, I'm a male, and I feel the same way. I would never want to share my girlfriend.
2007-05-16 07:25:40 · answer #5 · answered by vulgar_2 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not at all. I've been much more comfortable with 3-ways than with swapping. For me, as long as I'm part of the action, I'm okay with what he's doing.
Start slow, though. Massages, strip poker parties, little bets where someone has to kiss someone or flash someone. Move slow if you're serious about exploring this lifestyle. It can be very rewarding, but you have to know your limits. The only way to find them is to push them.
Good luck, and have fun!
2007-05-16 07:27:27 · answer #6 · answered by Becka Gal 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Not at all, the Swinging lifestyle is not for everyone..
You need to be very confident in your relationship before you enter this lifestyle..
If you have any hesitations, address them now with your hubby...
What is it your worried or uncomfortable about?
Talk to him about it and think about it in your own head..
If you can't get past these issues, that's o.k., make your marriage stronger and more exciting...
You don't have to Swing to make things exciting in your sex life..
Watch porn movies as your making love, have romantic dinners, play sex games, go away to a Hedonistic resort, you don't have to participate, but the atmosphere can titillate your sex life..
There are many ways to enhance your sex life without becoming involved in Swinging....
2007-05-16 07:29:41 · answer #7 · answered by Innisfil g 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it just means that you're not yet secure enough in your relationship to take on a challenge like this. it is truly the real test to whether or not you completely trust and love your signigicant other. some people just plain can't handle either...it takes the ability of having a wiiiiiiiiiiiide open mindset which most people don't have, no matter what they think of themselves. at least you know your true self now. perhaps you can nuture you're relationship more and get over it one day.
2007-05-16 07:26:13 · answer #8 · answered by kestrelk8 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's a normal reaction, however we'd try to deny it, every woman has a bit of jealousy, even the most self-secure woman has it. And seeing your boyfriend doing it with another woman.... oh boy, that sure takes a lot of courage to do. I'd advice you to think better before you ever want to do anything symilar...especially now that you know how it feels. Best luck!
2007-05-16 07:27:41 · answer #9 · answered by larissa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should have thought about this before you did it. There are a lot of things you have to consider. Now you'll be wondering for as long as you are together, if he is going to cheat on you with another woman that will give what he wants and how he wants it.
2007-05-16 07:26:10 · answer #10 · answered by Diamondbch 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋