Why such a strong sense of loss?

Question

I broke up with my bf for the 2nd and final time. I told him he is the most unappreciative, inconsiderate, deceptive person I have ever met. I love him but know that a future isn't possible and he knows why - but has neither agreed or disagreed. He refuses to talk about anything. I've never experienced anything like this before. I know it was the best/right thing to do and I'm perplexed by the strong sense of loss I'm feeling, crying out of the blue, etc.etc.

Answer 1

You did the right thing if the relationship was not good. And truthfully it is going to be really hard for a while to get over the change in your life. Thats whats making you so sad, is the change, not necessarily the guy. It is scary starting over and taking something out of your life that you are so use to.

Give yourself time to be upset and cry. Let it out but realize that there are many happy time ahead in the future and the only way you were to make that happen was to move on.

One day you will look back and realize that at one time when you thought you were really happy in a certain situation, that maybe you really weren't as happy as you though.

Answer 2

u probably have a guilt concience which is easy to play with and i also think he knows that and is taking advantage of that. the fact here is tht he is the one who is at a loss unless there are some details that u left out in your story. i mean why r u still trying convince an "unappreciative, inconsiderate, deceptive person" that breaking up is the best thing. its like trying to convince a lion that it really shouldnt eat u, its jus unnatural

however i think its normal to feel a sense of loss after being together with someone and the only answer here is that u will sooner or later get over him. i dont think there is a way to fast foward the getting over process. try to use your brain and ignore your heart whn dealing with this issue.

Answer 3

I think its common to feel that way in any life transition. I felt a bit like a fish out of water my first few weeks away from home at college. Part of me really wished that I could go back home to my familar setting and routines and people. Change and transition can always have a scary component even when they are essentially important and positive steps in personal growth and development. Its not that you are losing self but redefining, growing, and discovering. Some people handle it better or worse then others. I can remember when I first stopped believing the religion I grew up with I felt that I needed to find something to replace it and went through a seeking period. In the process I just got to where I was really comfortable with the worldview that developed that really had no literal religious subscription but it was a journey. So it may be with you. I think finding meaning in life is a really personal thing. I don't think to me religion ever really answered that question now. I don't think there may be a preprogrammed inherent meaning but what is special about being human is that you can create and find as much meaning and purpose in your life as you wish. I have a different view I think of what it is to have meaning and purpose now then I did before. In the end for me its been a positive journey overall. I don't feel I'm missing something for not subscribing to a false worldview myself but as I said people vary. For me it was a journey of self discovery rather then loss of self.

Answer 4

This is completely normal, it is like mourning a death it too will take time to heal. Especially when you devote time, love and trust...it is normal to feel a sense of loss. However, it too will require time to get over it. If you truly feel you made the right decision and you gut feeling tells you so then it is the right thing. My advise is take any memories that you have had and put them away in a box, and don't talk to him and try to figure out where you went wrong. The fact is, it is to late an dnow it is time to move onto another level in life. I wish you the best of luck and stay strong!

Answer 5

You feel a sense of loss because you invested a lot of yourself in that relationship. You need to get your mind occupied with other things - call your mom and ask her to lunch, call your grandmom and ask her to lunch, join a book club at your local library or book store, volunteer at the local hospital, hospice or nursing home, volunteer at the local animal shelter, take some classes at the local community college - you will keep yourself busy and meet new people - some who will be friends and some not. Call an elderly neighbor and ask if they need errands run or chores done, sit on your front step and say hi to everyone who walks by, take your dog for a walk in the park and say hi to everyone your pass. Give your next door neighbor or your sister a break and take the little kids out to lunch. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

Another man joins the list of unfeeling uncaring users. These leopards will not change their spots. You have not experienced anything like this. Many other girls have. Please for the sake of all the men out there who want to give cherish love and hold a good woman in the bonds of friendship do not go back to him, ever. You are like moths drawn to a flame who always seem to get burned but go back. Your loss is worse for you because you are grieving over the trust you gave him which he has thrown on the ground. It will take time but you will heal. Please for the sake of your future leave him and never go back. Consider yourself hugged although it will not make things better it is a way of sharing the pain. I am sure others will agree.

Answer 7

Even though you've come to the realisation that this relationship won't work, doesn't mean it's going to hurt any less.

You said yourself, you still love him...breaking up for whatever reason, is a painful experience.

You'll wake up one day and this strong sense of loss will be gone. Just take one day at a time.

Answer 8

It is going to be hard at first. You get so used to be around someone and with someone for so long that when the person is not there anymore it is normal to feel a sense of lost. Just keep your head up and have fun. You will find someone that is right and all the pain that your going through now will be forgotton.

Answer 9

are you guys being together quite long or you've no activities at all... lets not deceive yourself into a love story...(although technically it is a love story) Logically kindly run through the following stuff..

lost of facility
no free confession services
no free confide
no free entertainment
change of routine
previlige gone..
lost on status (in every aspect)
looks different
no free sex without be branded as a whore
being laugh at

realistically the above may help you to solve what your problem is.. no one made who you are except yourself.. remember those thing that you like when you are a young little baby.. history rite... try to look at it like this way... nobody owe anybody... you'll be cruel to yourself if you're not cruel enough to handle your love story... by trying(deceiving yourself)) to make it a touching fairy tale love stuff.. engage yourself with more activity and outing... the above item can be found easily and it's not important if you view it separately... waste some time on your parents and siblings. they will get hurt subconciously if they no you're sad....

to me i'll view it as a failed investment or maybe a failed agreement in business partnership.... no matter what reason or even logical reason he explained (to be fair maybe he is the one who is innocent and reasonable) ... the terms and conditions just not suitable for you! forget it and go on my dear... it's your right to choose your life......

Answer 10

I'm right here with you...my girlfriend of six months just found out she was pregnant...she is getting an abortion against my wishes...she broke up with me, moved out and has caused me much grief over the past three days....it will get better for us I hope...it will probably get worse first though. Good luck...hang in there