A girl changed her mind about dating you and, being honest, told you it was because she has unresolved issues from a rape/childhood abuse, and doesn't think that it's a good idea?
I don't know if it sounds like I'm being honest, or TMI, or what.. I need a guys perspective on this!
FTR: He's a friend of a friend, I've been out with him once before, in November, after the mutual friend's birthday, and he's been asking me out since. And yes, what I'm saying is legit and is the reason I am freaking out over the idea of going out with him... I don't know why I agreed, I thought the panic would go away but it hasn't and I can't handle it.
And just to be clear, I'm 20, he's 22. Plus I know he's desperate to lose his virginity; and I don't trust that he wouldn't emotionally lean on me a little to get me to sleep with him. Which I do NOT want to do. And no, it's not "one date" that I have or am agreeing to.
2007-05-16 05:35:38 · 13 answers · asked by Callisto 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would just say that I am just not ready for continuous dating. If he ask why just say you aren't ready to move forward with dating someone on the regular. That he is a nice person but that you prefer the occasional dating. Secondly, if the childhood abuse/ rape are a problem maybe you need to talk with someone. I would also always trust my feelings or gut if it tells you something go with it, because it will usually never lead you wrong. Good luck
2007-05-16 05:45:46 · answer #1 · answered by K M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Date him with another couple you are both happy with. Don't be alone with him. After 6 months the direction forward will be clear. Yes you sound honest and I am so sorry that the person who hurt you has damaged your confidence. I knew a girl in college with similar issues and she was just plain scared. Stay with your principles and remember it is not your place to satisfy your boyfriend's need to lose his virginity. And look hun, if you did and it all went terribly wrong for him and he left you because he was embarrassed or ashamed you would blame yourself. I am sure he would lean on you because he feels comfortable with you but you aren;t a car he can test drive. He might actually wait? Keep yourself the way you feel the most calm and if that means holding off dating you hold off. There is no reason on earth if he likes you that he will push it. If you go somewhere with him as I said just make sure you will not be alone with him. If he doesn't understand this then he does not know how you feel. Be strong.
2007-05-16 12:45:15 · answer #2 · answered by pwwatson8888 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Too much information, if he's a friend. He'll then work at you even more, try to "cure" you (I know I would). And that's apparently not what you want right now. I think you have to come up with a less fragile "desperate" excuse. Even if it's hurtful to the friend. Just simply say that I don't think there's a romantic connection to you. If he can't be friends with you instead, you can accept that.
But in conjunction, if this abuse in your past is preventing you from having even causal dating relationships with guys, you really need to seek counseling. Because you can't shut off every guy you meet just because you think they might want to have sex with you, and that causes you emotional pain.
2007-05-16 12:43:16 · answer #3 · answered by Perdendosi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him you're not interested in being involved right now. To give that reason he may try and work on you to get you to change your mind. Plus you don't need to give a real reason if you only went out with him once 6 months ago.
2007-05-16 12:46:31 · answer #4 · answered by Frank V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the girl shud try to get over it as soon as possible and resume normal life and sex life. If required, shud go counselling so that u don't miss good opportunities of dating/ marriage etc in life.
Because to me, it doesn't help the girl nor people around her by just carrying the scar on her mind. Find out what you need to do to get rid of that in the mind.
2007-05-16 12:40:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to tell him anything. This is your life and time for you to take control of it. Just tell him hes not the one, or your not ready. Hell say what ever you want as long as the point comes across. You can even lie to him and tell him your a lesbian, it doen't really matter the reason just as long as he knows your not interested.
2007-05-16 12:44:07 · answer #6 · answered by kinreep 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's really unfortunate that you had to experience that. if you already know he wants to lose his virginity then your probably not the girl for him to be seeing. with that alone you should know not to date him. you don't have to explain anything to him just say that you don't want to go out. if he asks why. then just tell him to respect you decision.
you should take self defence classes and then begin to start dating. if your intrested in meeting people.
good luck
2007-05-16 12:45:40 · answer #7 · answered by spy3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm... well he should be able to understand. He'll probably do the whole pity thing and try to sympathize. so be prepared for that. Not that sympathy is a bad thing, just be conscious on what he does.
2007-05-16 12:43:19 · answer #8 · answered by Danny S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I'd give you the time, to take it slow, but even I would get disatisfied, and stop calling you. Depends on how suitable this lad is. Up to you. Not I . Not us. Not YA
2007-05-16 12:39:03 · answer #9 · answered by TJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go on the date he might be the one who is the nice one and you might lern to trust a little we all not a** holes as far as sleeping with him tell him to waite life is to F*** up for that
2007-05-16 12:46:05 · answer #10 · answered by troy m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋