I have taken all my kids toys away, is this too harsh?

Question

My 6 yr old and 4 yr old insist on messing about in the bathroom. They go in there in the night or very early in the morning and pour shampoo down the sink, play with the toilet roll, steal our toothbrushes etc. We have removed as many items as possible from the bathroom and issued various punishments, ie no pocket money, no going round friends, no bikes,etc. The behaviour stops for a couple of weeks but then it starts all over again! We are at the end of our tethers. So we decided to give them a shock, after a couple of warnings we took every single toy they own away and put them in the shed! We have told them if they behave for a week they will get one bag back, another week, another bag and so on. Do you think we are being too harsh? What do we do if this doesn't work! We have a younger boy too (14mths) who watches everthing they do and we are worried he will copy their bad behaviour also, and we will have three kids wrecking our house! It feels like we are just going under here!!

Answer 1

No,its not too harsh...if it doesnt work,you may have to put a lock on the bathroom door...inconvienient,yes,but it will do the trick...and if not,as a last resort,,,,,you could call supernanny.....?just kidding...its a power play...they want to see how mom and dad will react....if they get a rise out of you,they win!You definitely have to take control of the situation now because your little one is learning from his siblings!

Answer 2

taking their toys away is not an appropriate solution if you think about it. What is it going to accomplish other than make them express their pent up energy in other destructive ways? How do they make the link between no toys and bad bathroom behavior? Maybe you should try a new approach.

If the bathroom is a mess when they're through, tell them that they cannot play with their toys until they clean it up. This will also work for making them return stolen toothbrushes. Make sure the toys are in the same room as usual and don't let the kids in that room until the bathroom is clean. This 1) makes them learn and understand responsibility for their actions and 2) establishes a CLEAR link between bathroom and toys.

Since you have already taken the toys away, however, it's best to wait a week before you start allowing some of them back into your home bit by bit, that way you don't give the false impression that rules and punishment are fickle things.

Also, sit them down (if you already haven't) and ask them WHY they're doing this. If they don't know, tell them to think about it really hard because you would really like to know. Don't do this in an angry manner, but instead try to be understanding and compassionate. Explain to them that they are going to sit in that chair until they can give you a good reason (and be sure to remind them gently but firmly that "I don't know" is not an appropriate answer). If they don't come up with something, let them go after 10-15 minutes (but do not tell them about this time limit). When they're allowed to get up after no answer, remind them that you will be having this talk with them again and you hope that they can give you a better answer. This little chat will either provide an answer that can lead to a solution for your problem, or encourage them to NOT make a mess (therefore no sitting for a long time!).

As for your 14-month-old, the best thing you can do is teach him about rules and good behavior before the bad seeds can start to grow.

Good luck =)

Answer 3

Not harsh at all it is showing them who is boss and who the parents are. When I was little I actually had few of my toys thrown away when I would act up. Very rare but it did happen. And the long they complain about their toys being gone tell them you will add another day before they get them back as well. Don't buy or let them buy anymore toys as well since they cannot take care of their toys. They want to get something have them do chores around the house that would be fitting for them to earn some money so they know what hard earned money is and they will take care of things and learn a few life lessons as well.

Answer 4

At 4 and 6, they understand what they're doing and they understand the punishment. The hard part will be not punishing the 14 month old at the same time (not that you mean to). I would also consider putting a latch on the outside of the bathroom high enough that they cant open the door without you helping them. I know that doesnt solve the behavior problem but it might give you some sanity until it stops.

Answer 5

Get creative!
You've let them engage you in a power play.
AND you've taken away things that can burn energy and distract them from their mischief.

Personally, I would say get the worst shampoo and tooth past possible....REALLY NASTY STUFF like baking soda and put these items where the kids can't reach them. When the kids do their old tricks, pull out the nasty stuff and help them wash their hair with it and brish their teeth with it, watching them with a smile, reminding them it's too bad they did what they did and you had to use the back-up supplies.

MAKE THEIR PUNISHMENT ABOUT THE EVENT, not about the power play that's going on. Otherwise, you'll keep having them fight you for the sake of beating you instead of learning WHY we don't dump everything down the sink. Don't let them see this get you angry. Let them see you feel sorry for what they'll have to go through now that they've done what they've done.

Answer 6

i individually have not had toddlers yet I DO look after my nephew some months at a outing of the three hundred and sixty 5 days. he's 3 years old. via fact he spends particularly some time at my homestead....My brother asked me to self-discipline him. before everything, whilst he makes a mistake, I provide him a warning to no longer do it returned and clarify why it advance into undesirable. the 2nd time he does it, i'm going to pop him on the hand, no longer stressful adequate to flow away a mark, basically adequate to enable him comprehend i'm severe and/or he will stand in the nook. If there's a third time, I take a seat him down and clarify to him that the flaws he did heavily isn't ordinary in my homestead. he will straighten up and act actual. specific he's 3, yet he's a extremely smart toddler. He knows maximum of something. :) i advance into hit/abused as a toddler, so on condition that I nevertheless have a small volume of harm and anger from that.. i'm no longer able to be sure myself hitting a toddler with a belt. yet, have self assurance me whilst that's time for a spanking... via all skill provide one. in basic terms dont take it too a techniques :)

Answer 7

I did that to my son and it didn't bother him one bit. Your kids are only going to find other things to play with such as stuff in the bathroom. Kids play, get used to it. Your problem is that you are all over with the descipline. You need to do ONE thing and do it right. Your kids don't have stability when you do a dozen different things. Come up with a way to punish them and STICK TO IT. Kids don't just get punished once and then forever stop doing whatever it was they got punished for. It sounds like your house is chaotic at best, you need to put your foot down. Choose one punishment and do it over and over. Then they'll learn. A sticker chart may help too. For instance, I was having trouble getting my son into bed. So I made him a sticker chart for every night he goes to bed and does everything he's susposed before bedtime [like get out clothes for the next day, clean up his room and make sure he has nothing laying about in the house and brushing his teeth ect] he gets a sticker the next day. I bought some toys at the dollar store and when he earns 30 stickers he gets to choose one. Try to remember, these are young children you're talking about.

Answer 8

Have you asked them why they are mis-behaving? Have a serious talk with them. Set ground rules and tell them that if they follow them, they can "earn" their toys/privileges back.

You may also want to consider putting those anti-door openers on the doors so that "they" can't open them. Go to the child-proofing section of (like) Target and you will see what I am talking about. It is a two-piece plastic "thing" that you put over a rounded door knob. In order to open the door, you have to squeeze the door-knob cover at the "pressure points". I know I don't make sense but you will once you find them. I think "Safety 1st" makes them.

mb

Answer 9

I understand your frustration. I have a 7 and 9 year old who are also "fiesty", but they haven't done that yet. I think you have definitely gotten their attentions, I hope it works for you. One thing you may want to add is: getting a hook-and-eye lock for your bathroom and put it up where they can't reach and lock up your bathroom overnight. If they want to use the toilet they come ask you for permission, that way you can keep an eye on them to make sure they dont do those things.

good luck!

Answer 10

Keep it up. Let them earn a toy at a time at first..as a reward for cleaning up the messes and good behavior...but guess what...it never ends...i have a teenager now, and she is grounded from phone, computer and friends...it has been almost a month and i have to stick to my guns until i see some improvement...