how to deal with a friend who is depressed?

Question

one of my close friend has been experiencing depressions for years. She sometimes is ok but sometimes really acts as a different person. I donot want to spend too much time with her when she is wired. But in the meantime i feel very guilty for my selfiness and always thought maybe i should help her.. what should i do?

Answer 1

Hi, sorry to hear that your friends illness causing you both so many problems.

Unfortunately the very nature of depression means that the person suffering tends to become very self-centred, that isn't the same as selfish though - because of the negative thoughts and feelings the person only sees what is happening to them and isn't aware of what effect it has on others around.

Hopefully this link to the Mind website will give you some insight to help you understand:

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/Understanding/Understanding+depression.htm

I would also suggest reading

http://www.mind.org.uk/Information/Booklets/How+to/How+to+cope+as+a+carer.htm

as this may give you some useful tips for how to help.

You should not feel guilty or selfish because you recognise that you want to help your friend. You need to take care of yourself first, and only offer help and support if you are able to do so.

The fact that you have asked this question shows that you are doing your best to find a way of helping even though you realise it isn't an easy thing to do - so well done.

I would also suggest seeing if there is a local mental health charity in your area

http://www.mind.org.uk/Mind+in+your+area/

as they can offer a great deal of support and guidance. They are easy to access, it only takes a phone call, and they don't need a referral from anyone else. They are informal which makes them much more appealing to go to and they offer a wide range of services.

I have used their services for over 10 years and now feel priveleged to work for them.h

There is good help and support available if you know where to look for it. And that is also for you as well as your friend.

Hope this helps.

Good luck to both of you.

Answer 2

first of all it is important that you understand that sometimes a person needs more then cheering up. Is this person a threat to himself and/or others? Ask this person point blank if he has contemplated suicide. If so then understand this individual may need more help then what you are capable of giving and help him find someone he can talk with such as a therapist or a counseler. If he says he is not that depressed then maybe all he needs is a friend who will listen to him when he is upset instead of focusing on trying to cheer him up. It is healthy to be upset sometimes.

Answer 3

Whem she acts weird we kinda need a little more information. But I would suggest if she is acting crazy or mad stay with her as much as you can. If she is sad you dont need to be with her as much but try. You know if you hang out with her more than others than you might be her only outlet. She needs you through crazy times and the norm. I dont know hun there are so many different things that you can do. They may just want to be left alone but they would let you know. And they wouldnt be to mean about it. But you know I am not making sense. BUt I hope our friend is okay, and dont feel guilty the number one in life is YOU! Good luck!

Answer 4

You didn't say that she was on medication for depression so if she's not get her to a Dr. There are some good antidepressants on the market now that have few side effects. If she is on meds then sounds like she needs to try a different one.

Answer 5

It sounds like your friend has bi-polar disorder, with mood swings from the manic to the super depressed. She requires the help of a psychiatrist, you cannot help her. It is good that you recognize that you don't like to be with her when she is in one of her phases...and it is not selfish to feel that way, you are entitled to your own feelings and perceptions. If she asks you why you avoid her at these times, then be honest and tell her why, it could be the best favor you ever do her.... some that suffer with bi-polar disorders do not understand how they affect the people that care about them, and therefore do not follow their course of treatment as well as they could.

Answer 6

You must continue to support your friend no matter what. Try and get her out of the house and insists that she sees a doctor and get treatment for it. Depression happens to alot of people and there are many ways to deal with it. Encourage her, make her feel worthwhile, and when she acts weird let her become aware of it and that will encourage her to be conscious of her behaviour.

Answer 7

spend more time with her when she is not depressed,try doing new things together,things both of you have never done,take a class of some sort together.....build the good times up and just maybe the depressions will be less

Answer 8

don't feel guilty as you have to look after you too=be positive with her about things =don't side with her when she is depressed as this worsens it on her =just be yourself =if you plan on going somewhere and she says well I'm kinda down in the dumps tell her you feel sorry and she should go lay down for awhile as you still intend to go to whatever okay

Answer 9

If she is having this problem since long try consulting with a psychiatrist or try doing some thing different so that she doesn't get bored.

Answer 10

take her out and do fun things!!!tell her you want to listen to her problems if she needs to to but that she shouldnt feel she has to discuss them with you.
never tell her to 'cheer up' or 'its not the end of the world' this isnt what she wants to hear. just be there is she needs you.
make sures shes never lonely, lonely times are the worst for people with depression.
offer to go and exercise with her, this is supposed to be good for beating depression.
good luck