I was so career focused throughout my 20s, I didn't care much about relationships and settling down. Now that my career is right where I want it to be, I was looking forward to finding a nice guy to start a serious relationship with. What a mess it's been! I'm finding that most guys in their 30s already have children. I've tried dating some of these guys and even tried starting a serious relationship. This probably sounds mean, but I just can't deal with their children. I'll never be the number one priority in their life. Children are constant reminders of their past relationships that didn't work. I don't know how to act around the children. I get blamed by exes for stupid things... like keeping fathers away from their children or being a bad influence, which of course isn't true. I'm finding that guys in their 30s who do not have children are either commitment phobes or are only looking for flings. Is my situation completely hopeless?
2007-05-16 04:45:46 · 18 answers · asked by ☆skyblue 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Welcome to the world men live in. We have the exact same problem with women, only worse. The number of men without kids is much greater than the number of women without. Seems just about every woman has a kid or two at every age. It's horrible out there.
Maybe you should try to increase your age range. Men in their early 40s are still good catches and some don't have kids at home anymore (or at least old enough to not cause problems). Same with younger men, although they have other problems.
Good luck, I know how you feel.
2007-05-16 04:51:24 · answer #1 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As sad as it may be to say, but if you find such a guy and get married and if you have children, both of you would place the #1 priority on the child.
It's natural and the reason is that children need guidance, support and love when they can't get it themselves and as adults, we have to handle that.
You should look for a balance, once you make one hard line stand, you eliminate part of the population. You make another and it's divided even further.
I am 39, divorced, have one child and have problems finding someone who doesn't expect a guy not to have kids. But, you are right, if you are 35+ and never married, what's wrong??? The truth is nothing is wrong, it was the choice at the time.
Getting blamed for anything by the ex's doesn't make sense, that's their issue not yours, but you may not know how to act because you don't have that exposure.
I would say you take the guys as they come and instead of making sweeping statements, you look at each individually.
The man of your dreams may be just around the corner, but he has a 13 year old.
2007-05-16 05:00:55 · answer #2 · answered by brettj666 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. All though, I am 34 and have two small children, I do not want MORE children which would only create more problems! This is just my preference like yours. I have began to date men 27 - 31 because there are still some good ones with no children that just waited a little longer to settle down. I find most men over 31 have HUGE baggage like ex's, children and they are single again cause they were a lousy husband or cheated. I don't want leftovers and obviously you don't either. Try dating men a little younger then you would be my advice.
2007-05-16 04:54:07 · answer #3 · answered by Kellie B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"I was so career focused throughout my 20s, I didn't care much about relationships and settling down."
You wasted your best years on a job, education and career, and now you find out that the men your age are married, divorced with children, or don't want to settle down.
Chances are there were a number of men who wanted to settle down with you when you were 18-26, but you were too busy with your career.
The men your age who DO want to settle down have their pick of all the young women 18-26 who are willing to do so at that age. They do not want to, nor will they, settle down with someone in her 30's. They can do better.
I am sorry, but you swallowed a bunch of Feminist 'Empowerment' nonsense and now you are reaping the consequences.
You waited too long, and you misplaced your priorities.
2007-05-17 08:08:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I am single in the 30s honest, sweet good looking. But I am not perfect and have some issue just like everyone else. I am also looking for a nice lady to get connected. Yes, there are many out there, just have to be in the right place at the right time. With me, I do not go chasing around girls I am quite content with myself and if some one notice me, and if I like her, there we made a match. All my past relationship has been like that. Currently, I am not seeing anyone, but happy, doing my own daily activities, and putting up a kind smile to everyone. People seems to like me as I like people.
2007-05-16 04:50:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It isn't hopeless!!! There are LOTS of good single men in their 30's who don't have children, are NOT commitment phobic or players.
They are all gay or on the "Down Low" and will come home after a night out with the boys smellin like azz...
But they are REALLY NICE dressers...
It does "sound mean" that you can't deal with their children. As a matter of fact it makes you sound like a pretty selfish horrible woman.
Even if you found, married and had a child with a man....99.999% of the men, if they have any decency/integrity/heart would place their child as NUMERO UNO AND ALWAYS WILL BE FIRST PRIORITY IN THEIR LIVES ANYWAY!!!!
Get over yourself and get a cat or better yet, a goldfish. You sound so NASTY....
2007-05-16 04:59:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No there are not. Us good guys were once snatched up and so we now have children.
If you choose to you can relate to the children. Everyone has a past and that always includes failed relationships. The children are people not reminders. Try playing with them, it isn't that hard to relate to kids. Ignore the ex's, in many cases they are not happy their ex is moving on with someone new. That isn't yours or his problem it is the ex's problem.
2007-05-16 08:01:06 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most men in their 30s who are single, were the lazy goof off type, that could not find someone to settle down with, sorry to say!! you may find a nice one with no baggage, but you may have to kiss a few frogs to find him!
2007-05-16 04:50:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are plenty of guys in the same situation...focused on career and now they're ready to settle down. Don't get discouraged in your hunt!
2007-05-16 04:49:33 · answer #9 · answered by jeepguy_2x 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm a single, childless guy in my thirties. I worked hard in my twenties, and now I'm in a situation where I own my own house, drive a nice car and can afford a lot of luxuries.
Why should I squander all that in a thirty-something woman when there are so many young, beautiful women out there?
You made your bed, now lie in it.
2007-05-16 05:22:18 · answer #10 · answered by NiceGuy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋