Question for Christians. When does one give up on a Christian friend that refuses to repent of continued sin?

Question

The Bible says that we should forgive those who sin against us as God forgives us. A friend of mine has not sinned against me, but continues to sin against her children and her own body by countless adulterous affairs. This is wrong and she has been rejected by two churches because of her promiscuous behaviour. She wants to continue our friendship, but I am confused about what is the right thing to do. The Bible clearly states "1 Cor 5:11 "What I meant was that you are not to associate with anyone who claims to be a Christian yet indulges in sexual sin or is greedy, or worships idols or is abusive, or a drunkard or a swindler. Don't even eat with such people. It isn't my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your job to judge those inside the church who ae sinning in these ways."
So the question is "Should I exlude her from my life?" Biblically, what is the right thing to do?

Answer 1

I think you should continue to be her friend but you can in no way be "an enabler" or be viewed as supporting her actions by your silence. The persistent ministry of a dedicated christian friend can turn someones life around, but you need to be sure that you are "speaking the truth in love" with regard to her lifestyle and that you are in no way enabling her by being "supportive". You also need to be sure that she has no influence over you and your choices. If she causes you to stumble (or your husband!!!) then you would probably be right to stay away. This is a tricky one- pray and search the scriptures. Don't base your decision on that one passage. Place it in the context of the new testament teachings as a whole.

Answer 2

You stated everything quite eloquently. Even the scriptural reasons. I don't see your problem.

Of course, her conduct could be viewed in a manner that indicates she never was a Christian, since to become a Christian one has to repent, dedicate oneself to God, and produce works of repentance.

It seems these steps may never have been taken by that person. If so she is no Christian today or yesterday. In that case she is a person of the world.

Still are you playing "chess" with this worldly person once a week, or are you having a close personal friendship with such an immoral person?

You have stated everything yourself that you need to make the right choice.

Answer 3

One day she will probably stop. Ultimately, it is between her and God. How would you feel if a friend disowned you because you made bad decisions and got off course? She will need someone by her side when all of this comes out. Maybe you could still be her friend. We all make mistakes, even Christians. If you're really friends, you should be able to counsel her and tell her how destructive her actions are. Maybe that's what God would want you to do, just try to guide her back to the right path. Good Luck.

Answer 4

You should continue to pray for and ask the Holy Spirit to soften her heart, open her eyes, and help to know that she is hurting herself and mostly her relationship with Christ. If she is unwilling to change you would benifit better by keeping your distance but don't be rude and don't keep pointing out her faults. (fault pointing will only help satan in grabing her tighter as she will only see rejection and hurt in it and well Christians aren't supposed to hert others.) I know this thought and feeling pattern as I lived that way my sister was a christian long before I was and she would always beat me up verbaly for the things I ahd done well I figured that if Gods people were like that I didn't want to be part of it. So give her space and pray hard for her if you truely care.

Answer 5

The answer is NEVER.
Never ever give up on your friend.
Just because your sin is not as obvious (and maybe in your eyes, not as "big") don't think for a second that God didn't put her in your life, and you in hers for a good reason.
It is never ever ever your place (much less your "responsibility") to judge.
It is your place as a Christian to pray for her. Hourly, if necessary. Love her, as much as you can. If you can't be friends with her (socially) do your best to be a true friend who is available to listen, to sympathize, to care, but most of all to pray for her.

Clearly if you know all of these things about her, she has a certain amount of trust in and love for you.

I pity those churches that "rejected" her. What is the purpose of a church? A museum for saints? Not at all. They are hospitals for sinners, and they have turned away a trauma patient. I truly pity the people who rejected her. They will be judged much more harshly. They are the people "casting the first stone."

Just because her sins are obvious and are publically known, and theirs are hidden and more secret, they reject her. We are ALL fallen. It is our human nature. And we sin in believing there is *any* difference between our rejection of God's children and another person's adultery. There is NO difference in God's eyes.

Please be a friend to this poor fallen woman. Don't take verses out of context to justify leaving this woman out in the cold. Love her and pray for her.

Answer 6

You don't seem to be the right person for the job. You are focused on sin and not the Gospel of grace and peace through Jesus Christ. You might be coming off as a Pharisee to her. That's what you seem to be from my perspective.

And when did it become your responsibility to point out her sins?

I would recomend that you read John 4 about the Samaritan woman and Jesus. He stayed with those non Jewish people for two days after he talked to her. She was on her fifth lover.

When did the Gospel get supplanted by nitpicking on sin? Is the Holy Spirit entrusted anymore to change lives? Why do Christians think that they can do it better than GOD can?

Answer 7

You should never give up on her, but you shouldn't associate with someone who loves darkness. Fortunately most people have some light.

Perhaps it's comparable to a situation I've been in where an associate used very bad language around me. I politely asked him to not do this around me. If he would have refused or kept repeating the offense, I would have stopped associating with him.

If you allow yourself to be around bad behavior, it will affect you badly. In your situation, refuse to associate with her if she insists on talking about her adulterous affairs. Otherwise, be a good friend.

Of course the most basic principle is to stay close to God yourself and He will guide you in your daily life.

Answer 8

If you've actually councilled her and shown her in God's word that she's an unrepentent sinner, but she refuses to repent, you should cease your friendship with her. I know it sounds harsh, but if you stay around her, you will be tempted. Not necessarily to commit adultery, but you'll begin to make excuses for her that, in effect, condone her behavior. You'll then become a transgressor yourself.

However, make it clear to her that you will continue to pray for her and that you'll be there for her if she ever decides to permanently turn from sinning. You must trust God in this matter -- He'll work on her heart.

Answer 9

Judge not lest you be judged.
Just because she has different views on sexuality than you it doesn't mean you can't be friends. Maybe you will show her the benefits of fidelity by your purity not by your preaching, and maybe she will teach you the benefits of tolerance and sensuality rather than judgmentalism. Jesus ate with sinners not with self-righteous people. Christians are supposed to follow his example. We have to tolerate our friends differences and see beyond that so we can love their soul.

Answer 10

You can still be her friend without participating in things that she does. Living a Godly life in front of her will be a witness to her. That is what we are supposed to do. We are to be a living witness to those around us. Keep praying for her and let God handle it.