My mom has always downplayed all my problems?

Question

She would always say well at least you arent a single working mom whenever I would try to tell her about something that was bothering me. She was a single working mom and I guess naturally in her mind that was the end all be all of all probs. Its rough but why relate that to your own child. Has anyone run into this problem? I cant look at a problem from a healthy perspective anymore. It almost has to be life threatening and even then I ask is this a real problem. Please give me some thoughts or feedback. Thanks.

Answer 1

I am not sure how old you are, and if this is possible (if your living at home it is not really 100% workable)..but try and NOT communicate your problems to your Mom, join a support group, or find a really trusting friend to confide in. It seems as though your Mom is bringing you down when you need her the most, and that's not healthy!
Tell her that you are very proud of her for being a single Mom, and that you know she sacrificed to give you what you needed, but gently remind her that YOU did not ask to be brought into this world, and it was by her own choices and consequences that she became a single Mom.
There are many, many worse things than being a single Mom, and why a Mother would constantly guilt trip their own kid is beyond me!
Good luck to you..and remember..that ALL problems that you have are real and valid, even if it is being unable to find a parking space when you are running late!

Answer 2

Yes - I can totally relate.
Whatever has happened in my life and some of it has been rough - my Mothers comments were along the lines of 'you don't know what rough is!' "I had do deal with ..................."
and then I would have to listen AGAIN to some misadventure that overtook her life.

I love my Mother with all my heart and I cannot really give you a satisfactory answer to help you.

In the end - unless it was something that I knew that she could not equate with something that she had been through - I tended to talk to others about problems. Which may be tricky for you if you don't have anyone.

Perhaps they do it because they did have to fight harder and on their own - more so than they see us having to do - but could it be that they do not have the full story or that they don't understand the social rules that we have to obey in this day and age.

Whatever - but I do know that she would do anything for me and I would for her - I do put it down to the generation thing.

It is something that I keep in mind though when I am listening to the problems of others (apart from this one!) where I try very hard to see the problem as being unique to the person it belongs to.

After all - they may be similar problems but everyone has a different set of circumstances and that is what makes every situation unique.

Sorry - that will not help you much - all I can say is - be kind to her - if she knew how to be different - she would!

Best of luck

Answer 3

It's tough. I have a mom that whenever I try and tell her anything (good or bad) about my life she will literally ignore what I said and talk about my brother or her life. It's to the point where I won't even call her unless it's a holiday or something and we live right across town from eachother. The only thing I could say you could probably do is maybe next time she says that say something like "you're right I'm not but this is still big"...or some day maybe tell her thank you for everything she did for you growing up and that you know it wasn't easy but you appreciate it..maybe she just wants appreciation and then she'll move on...nothing will probably work but i suggest maybe finding another source...i use my grandma or my aunt when i just need to vent about stuff...they listen and know how my mom is so they feel for me..lol...if this stuff doesn't work..email me..i'll let ya vent...good luck!!!

Answer 4

God bless you, my mother is the same way, whatever problem that I have, she brings in, "well I have had it rough too and still have it rough", when actually she has it pretty easy to a point.
My mother never sees any happiness, she bitches about everything under the sun. I will bring up one incendent, I was coughing up large amounts of blood and it had really gotten bad! And when I say bad I mean, one cough could fill a large glass. And my mother said, I do that everyday. I was thinking in my may Bull ****.
But anyway, I went in a coma the follow weekend, I guess. I fell out on the floor and my best friend came in an found me on the floor. I had been there over night.
My parents had been called, They live 5 hours away, and I had heard after I woke up 3 weeks later that she I said while I was coughing one day, that I was coughing up a lot of blood.
After I heard that, I had told her that I was, but she said she did that everyday!
Everything is about her, it always has.....
I get through it by saying, she is not going to get me down and she is an idiot for doing the things she does....
I hope my story help.... and girl don't let your mother get you down, everyone has problems and find someone else to talk too.

Answer 5

It's easy to downplay other people's problems, and easy to say "well i had it worse, so chin up".
If you see something is a problem, it's a problem. It might not be a problem for someone else, and yet another person might see it as a bigger problem. Some of it is in your perspective.
It's always nice to have someone you can take your problems to and get an honest unbiased response back, but ultimately, the answer is in you. Other people can help you find a better way for you to go at a problem, adn to figure out what needs to be done.
If something is bothering you, you need to figure out what it is about it that is bothering you, and what can be done about it. don't let other people tell you it's not something valid.

Answer 6

You may have a tough love mom. I had one, she wouldn't never 'sympathize' with me because she felt she would be reinforcing the idea that I couldn't handle my own problems. When I'd try to talk to her about a situation, she'd just say, well, I know you can figure it out and let it go.

Didn't always feel good, but I am very independent and strong.

Or, it could be that you mom is so absorbed in her own life that she is incapable of helping you with yours. This is hard to realize, but parents are not all powerful and we don't have all the answers.

I would look for another person in whom to confide, and aunt or other adult perhaps? I know this hurts, but maybe you mom is doing the best she can.

Answer 7

Hi, it's me again.
Do you think that this negative stuff that you're getting off your mother is having this effect on you ?because i think it is.
Now most people who answer this question are going to say "speak to your mum"or words to that effect,but you and i know that that's the last thing that you feel that you can do so again try and speak to an anonymous person about these things Oh and the next thing their going to say is "go and see your doc" I bet, but again it's not really an anonymous person is it?
Like before just take these things a little bit at a time and try not to look at the whole big problem,try and break it down and sort it out bit by bit.You're not on your own so if you want to talk just give me a call and i promise i won't dump all my crap on you,i'll just listen.ok

Answer 8

That is a real problem that a lot of people face, often from their parents, but even in every day life at work or out in public. Some people minimalize other people's problems, because they can barely handle their own. It is in illogical argument, but it is easier than trying to contend with a problem that are incapable of comprehending. The best thing you can do is understand their weakness in character, and try not to repeat their errors. If this is difficult for you to accomplish, then I highly recommend having your doctor recommend a therapist. A little extra help is never a bad thing. Good luck!

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Well hon, the first thing I would have to ask you is are you afraid to tell your mom how much this bothers you? I know when I was growing up when my mom said something that was it. Could no more be said. Me and my mom's relationship was so unhealthy.How is you and your mom's relationship??Can you to talk or no??If you can't talk to her you are going to have to find someone to talk to. Somebody you can trust.I dont know how old you are, because if your in school the counslers there are always good to sit and talk to and surely you can trust them.You needsomebody hon, because you can't walk around in life needing somebody . You need to get things out.Some things you can't carry around, you have to talk about them. Because if you don't it will lead you into real unhealthy situations. Trust me I know. So please find that someone.