of being debt free and not have to pay back student loans. I've been paying on my student loans for 6 years now and I still have quite a ways to go. Her college cost more than mine.
I am having trouble dealing with the resentment that I feel towards them for not helping me out when I was in college as well. They were in the same financial situation, so there is no clear reason as to why they didn't help me.
Should I confront them about this? Am I wrong to feel this way?
2007-05-16 02:42:59 · 19 answers · asked by Sharon 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I would absolutely confront them about it. This is a very sore subject with me. My daughter married a man who is still paying his college loans, yet his parents paid for his younger brother's college with no explanation. The parents both have good jobs and could well have afforded to help both. They vacation constantly. Every now and then they ask if he is still paying on his college loans??? GGGRRRRR!!!!! He WILL NOT confront his parents.
I DO NOT understand how or why parents could ever do that??? We suspect the younger brother would not have gone to college at all if the parents had not paid, but SO WHAT. That is no reason to show such favoritism to one child. So PLEASE, confront them. Just come straight out and ask. "You know, I've always been puzzled as to why you didn't pay for my college education like you did _____."
2007-05-16 02:53:21 · answer #1 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Is it your contention that they love her more than you?
Did you say things or do things to alienate them? Did they have a change in heart about paying for college as they raised the second child?
Here's an idea: They knew you would be successful and get a good job after finishing college and would be able to pay back the loans. Perhaps your little sister is a slow leak and they knew she'd never amount to much more than assistant night manager at the mcdonalds in the local truckstop, so they bankrolled her college in hopes that she'd meet a man to take care of her pathetic self. How's that? Feel better?
2007-05-16 02:49:45 · answer #2 · answered by Shredded Cottage Cheese 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You definitely have a right to feel upset, it is natural. It is unfair they paid for her and not you if they were in the same financial situation both times. The only way to get over the resentment issues is to actually choose to. Just decide that this will not be something you let bother you and work to have a good relationship with parents and sis in spite of it. Fake it until you feel it... overcoming resentment at least for me has always had to be a firm decision and work. Not just something that happened.
However, they are not actually obligated to pay for anything. If they did pay, it's very nice, but they don't have to pay for any of a kids education. They don't owe you anything as far as college goes. It stinks, but in reality, past the age of high school parents have absolutely no financial obligation to kids whatsoever.
Yes it stinks, and you have every right to feel jipped. Feel free to ask them about it in a non-confrontational way. It may not go over well though and they may assume you have "entitlement issues" if you go about this the wrong way. Be gentle in your line of questioning and you may get a reasonable explanation. But I would most likely I would just let it go. The don't owe you an education, and bringing this up may cause a fight in the family, plus it probably won't get the to pay for anything.
I have several friends where the older child had to pay for college out of pocket (like My hubby) while the younger got a free ride (like my brother-in-law). The financial situation may seem the same but there may also be details you don't know. Most kids do not know the entirety of the parents financial situation and this may be the case with you.
My hubby's mom promised to pay for a Masters for years, then pulled out several weeks before the first semester started forcing us to scramble for loans to pay for it. It sux! But there really is nothing we can do about except to choose how we will deal with those feelings. She really never did owe us anything... it just would have been really helpful and we had been counting on it. But not much to do now except just deal with it.
2007-05-16 02:59:45 · answer #3 · answered by scottishduffy 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I believe all parents love there childrens, unless they are not humans (worst than animals). In your case, your parent may not be able to afford both of u, so your sister, being elder, went into college first, they foot the bill, then came your turn, they were broke, so they kind of feel very sad about it, you hve to take loan, so now you are working and paying back, as your parents may have recover from their financial difficulties.
No parent will like to see siblings jealous and hate each other, all wish to see a happy family. Be kind to your parent, they brought you up, love you and see that you growth to be a independent woman.
You should instead be proud of yourself to say that I support my own, that I go thru hardship both financially and mentally, so no big deal about paying up my own loan, I can do it. Be independent and in the end, nobody can say me in the event I take home less money than my sister for household and parent expenses.
Be a good girl ya, dun let Pa and Ma sad. You will be bless.
2007-05-16 03:11:15 · answer #4 · answered by butterfly 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would confront them and ask them about it and tell them how you feel.
But on the other hand you at least have the satisfaction of knowing that you got where you are today on your own with no help where as your sister was only able to do it becuase of your parents. She may have gotten a free ride but people respect you more if they know you worked for every bit of it and didnt have it handed to you. I respect you highly doing it on your own.
2007-05-16 02:46:50 · answer #5 · answered by superthunda 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are using the wrong word - "confront". Try talking to them from a good place in your heart and tell them how you feel. Ask them to explain why things are the way they are. Perhaps they have a reason you are not aware of?
2007-05-16 03:10:37 · answer #6 · answered by QueenLori 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong for that. But you shouldn't confront them. Ask them why if anything.
I happened not to be my father's favorite. I understand how it feels. But remeber. Respect your parents regardless of what or how they are. Is better to get away from them rather than looking at them daringly.
We tend to focus on their errors. Is normal. Just try your best to forgive them. Try your best to let that resentment go and try to be good to your kids yourself.
2007-05-16 03:00:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure, ask them for help paying your loans since they paid for your sister's college tuition. If they don't want to - too bad!
2007-05-16 02:45:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
you should confront them about this. tell them you understand not being able to pay for a child's education and you have no problem being independent and doing so yourself, but why would they pay for hers and not yours? there is something wrong there and I am surprised they haven't even offered an explanation yet.
2007-05-16 02:46:02 · answer #9 · answered by Bethany 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong and I think you can ask them about it. However I would try to make it non-confrontational. Just simply ask them why they did things the way they did and be non-judgemental about their answer.
2007-05-16 02:46:02 · answer #10 · answered by leaptad 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋