How do you handle it when someone invites you to dinner and they are not "too clean?"?

Question

Here is the problem. A certain person says that she appreciates all that my husband and myself has done for her and she would like for us to come over for dinner. She lives in the projects and that is not the problem. The problem is that she has critters. Roaches to be exact. I am terrified of bugs. The last time that we went over there, my nerves were tore to shreds. My husband likes to play too much and he watches too much comic view. He touched me on my neck and I almost beat myself to death because I thought one was on me. I opted to go out for dinner or have it at our house and she refused. I tried to ignore it the last time, but because I am afraid of them, I cannot help but see them. I cannot refuse because it makes it look like we are stuck up. She and her kids have had dinner at our home numerous times. Sounds bad, but I do not want to eat anything from there. I do not want to accidentally carry one home with me either. What do I do?

Answer 1

Hahahaha "I almost beat myself to death" funny.

How in the world could she think you are stuck up? I mean, I don't get that feeling from the name you spent time choosing- 2fineforme? Noooooooo, that's not stuck up, no one would think that.

Answer 2

Oh my gosh!!! Don't feel bad! I'm the same way when it comes to eating at other people's homes! Especially when I know they have "critters" LOL! And you're right! Living in the projects has nothing to do with cleanliness! (But she may have nasty neighbors in other apartments near her that don't keep their places clean. They could be coming from next door!)

Why don't you and your husband take a couple dishes with you to her house on the night of the dinner. (Take paper plates and plastic utencils too and tell her that you appreciated the invite so much that you didn't want her to have to go through the trouble of doing the dishes afterwards). As soon as you get to her house and she greets y'all, Tell her that you haven't been feeling well. If she says something like, "Well would you like to do this another time?" Say, "Oh no! You've already gone through so much trouble and I'd hate to spoil the evening..."

Then when it's time to eat, put some of your food on you and your husband's plate and then maybe just one of her dishes. Start to eat one of your dishes off the plate and then make a gesture that you don't feel so good. (You're pregnant so you could EASILY pull this off!). Then have your husband look your way and say, "Honey are you okay?" You still say, "I think I'll be fine". Then a minute later do the same thing again. That's when your husband will insist that you really need to go home. Apologize for everything and leave the food and paper plates and utencils you brought as a kind and apologetic gesture. I know it's a little dishonest, but hey! You're having to watch out for the safety and well being of you AND your baby! I'm sure the woman will understand.

Answer 3

Oh! I'm sorry, but I'm sitting here actually laughing at the mental scenario of you beating off an imaginary roach!

I tried to put myself in your situation, and the only thing I can think of is: agree to go, but insist on bringing a dish as well. If you are concerned about roach droppings in her food, just eat what you brought. Don't sweat the small amount that may be on the plates and utensils - the USDA actually has a set percentage of how much roach droppings are allowed in peanut butter, so it won't kill you!

And by the way - even if she totally gets rid of roaches in HER home, if her neighbors homes are infested, she's fighting a loosing battle. I live in a pretty nice part of town, in a townhouse, and we had a couple of single girls move in adjacent to us. Needless to say, they didn't do a lot of cleaning, but did do a lot of partying! We would see a bug now and then, but nothing major. When they moved out, and apparently took the bugs food supply away, the bugs came a-hunting in OUR townhouse! I was horrified! Even though we treated every area, we still occasionally see one. We live in the southeast, and our landlord says they are palmetto bugs - not roaches, and they come in from the outside. So - give her a break - it may not be her fault!
I wish you well!!!

Answer 4

The problem with those nasty critters is it is expensive to be rid of them. I know, I 'inherited' a bunch of them once from the former occupant of a home I lived in. It took six months and about $1200 (almost $200/month) to get rid of those things!
Maybe explain to her that you know it's not her fault and could she perhaps host the meal at the beach or park or something, you'll cover the gas.
You can be clean as can be and those damn bugs will still be in the house if they're in the house. Treatment is the only way to get rid of them. Honestly. Just because a person has roaches, doesn't mean they're dirty.
And I want to know why the landlord hasn't done anything!!!

Answer 5

Ooooo I feel your pain. I have a phobia of (::shudder:: I can't even see the word...) "r". Yes, I know it is an irrational fear, but, like you, I can't help it.

It seems that you've done everything you can to try to change the location. Perhaps mention to her (you'd have to find a deal somewhere first that would keep you honest) how ______ (suchandsuch) restaurant is serving a new dish, or you've got a coupon you've been dying to use before it expires, etc.

If she insists it must must be at her home, then just be honest and come clean about your phobia. Let her know that you acknowledge it is bizarre but that the last time you were in her building (some white lie here, unless it is true) you'd seen one in the lobby and it upset you for the rest of the evening and that you just don't think you can go through that again. Would she mind dining out please instead? I guess try to do what you can to make it seem like you aren't "blaming" or making it sound like it is her unit that is the problem, but rather a problem in the building.

I'm so sorry. This makes me shudder just thinking about having to go through that.

Answer 6

Wow!! Well, #1 Stop hanging out in the Park meeting Nice People!! #2 She sounds like she needs to be told and needs help in exterminating her apt. for those nasty Roaches Because those are unclean circumstances and I wouldn't eat there either. Try to help her with those bug bombs. As far as eating her food goes though, I would just plain LIE to the woman and MAKE Something UP such as having ulcers that take special food you fix for yourself and she is welcome to come over any time/when she's invited. Don't put Manners ahead of Your Health. BUT if you Care Enough, Help Her!! Those roaches will come back too, but you won't have to eat there anymore since you have those Special Ulcers!! N'est Pas? @80)

Answer 7

Eat there anyway. Roaches aren't a sign that she's dirty--as a matter of fact, it could be the exact opposite. She could be impeccably clean with her cooking/handwashing, but if her neighbors have roaches and they don't have pest control come out, there's nothing she can do about it. It's an apartment--roaches are almost inevitable.

When we first moved to our apartment (back in January) we had a bit of a roach problem. We had pest control come out weekly and spray/put down gel, and also used roach traps purchased at the grocery store. The problem got considerably better after a few visits from the "bug" guy. We haven't seen any roaches in weeks, but we still have him come out weekly.

I pride myself in that I keep my kitchen so clean, you could eat off my floor. Even for the short time we had this roach problem, neither I nor my kids or husband became ill from foods I'd cooked in our home.

Just think about all the restaurants that have roaches and mice (and yes, ALL restaurants have roaches--even the 5 star ones. Actually, roaches are very clean creatures. They spend a good majority of their days cleaning themselves. It's when they travel through multiple homes/apartments of people who are dirty/slobs that they pick up dirt on their feet and legs.

To answer your question, eat at this woman's house anyway. She and her family are still alive, right? And you won't carry any roaches home. They usually only come out at night anyway. Fleas, yes you can transport them. Roaches, not very likely.

Answer 8

Maybe she feels obligated since you cooked dinner for her numerous times. Tell her since you cooked dinner at home, you want something different. Perhaps not even food involves because she has to cook at her house if you decide to have a picnic. Who knows?? You may have Roaches a la Mozzarella or Roaches grille au chocolat.

I don't want to assume but sounds like she doesn't have lots of money. Tell her it's ok. She doesn't have to do anything. Just continue to have a friendship would be enough for you.

Answer 9

It`s not that SHE is not clean it`s her apartment complex. Large apartment complexes have roach problems. It only takes one unclean person to infect a whole building. But it`s hard to tell someone about their standard of living, especially when they can`t afford to move or they are trying their best to say thank you to you. So, I would politely decline dinner, or before you go spray a whole crap load of deet on yourself...I`ll tell you, I know how you feel, I have a friend that is in fact REALLY dirty, she walks all over her house with her muddy shoes, and her dog pees all over her carpets.. Her house STINKS!!She invites me over, I don`t take my shoes off and she knows why.....Some people just have no standard of hygiene. My friend takes a bath in a dirty tub, her bathtub has a black grimy rim around it...SHE HAS KIDS, isn`t that terrible?

Answer 10

If I were you, I will just simply say sorry I can't stand bugs or rats in the house or get allergic to dirty dogs/cats.

or
when she has dinner in your place, show something which indicate how you protect your place so no dirty ceatures around.
I quite understand your feeling and you have he right to refuse her invitation but I dont think you need to worry that you gonna carry any ccroache home, fleas maybe.

Whatever you're doing sound fine to me. it is normal.

Answer 11

Not to go. Tell her you appreciate her thoughtfulness but repay with a dinner at her house is not neccessary. If she insisted, ask her if you all can have a picnic somewhere.

If her house freaks you out like that. There are plenty of other things you all can do without going to her house like a movie. She still can repay you without you having a heart attack.