My fiance just found out about another child?

Question

My fiance of 1year and boyfriend of 2years just found out about a 6 year old child that might be his son. The mother was a good friend of his and it happened. They lost touch, she never tried to contact him though regarding the child. We ran into her sister recently and her sister showed us a picture of the baby. Looks like him!! The mom states that she is not sure and that she doesn't want to press the issue because her fiance belives the baby is his and she wants it to remain that way. She is a good mom and my fianace does not want to cause her any problems. But outside of us he has two girls this childs age, and this is a small world and we beleive all the siblings should know each other (@least for incest sake) How should he go about this without recking this womans happy home? Also anything could happen if he is the father shouldn't this child have the right to know.

Answer 1

Just because she belieives the baby is his and wants it to stay that way, don't make it SO! If he doesn't ask for paternity tests, he could be paying child support later for a child that isn't his. The child also has every right to know who his father is. And that father has the right to visitation if the child is his. Get a paternity test...discreetly.

Answer 2

It would help if you told where you are, because laws do vary by country/state, but IF you’re in the U.S…

This is a crappy situation. Mom should have told him (and her fiance) from the very beginning. But she didn’t. And now you have a man (her fiance) who believes this child is his, has acted as the child’s father for 6 years, and (I’m assuming) loves the child. You have a child who believes that her fiance is his/her father, has viewed this man as his/her father all their life, and (I’m assuming) loves the man. There is no way that you are going to be able to bring this issue to light without damaging her family, this very innocent man (her fiance) and THE CHILD. Speaking as a parent, I ALWAYS put my children’s best interest above my own…even when it hurts. I’d walk away, because I would not want to hurt and confuse my child (or any child) in the way that this child is going to end up being hurt.

But, does he have a legal case? Sure. He can petition the court to establish paternity. However, I’m assuming that her fiance is the legal father (his name is on the birth certificate) and in cases such as this (where a child has a legal father who is an active part of their life and is the only father they’ve known for *years*) the court sometimes (I’d even venture to say ‘often’) rules in the legal father’s favor. The court’s ONLY concern is the best interest of the child, and they may not feel that’s in the child’s best interest to disrupt their life in this manner, regardless of who contributed to the child’s DNA.

IF he wins, don’t expect this child to welcome him or his family with open arms. The child is likely to view him as the ‘villain’ who disrupted their life, and may very well view him that way forever.

AND, IF he wins, he can expect that Mom will sue him for 6 years of back child support (because she’s going to pissed at him). Of course, given the fact that he didn’t even know the child existed, the chances that she’ll win are so slim they’re practically non-existent, but she can sure cost him time, money, stress, etc fighting the case.

My advice--walk away.

Does he have the right to know his child and have a relationship with his child? Of course he does. But his ‘right’ is going to end up causing harm to the child. So, what’s more important--his right or the child’s continued happiness? If he feels that his rights are more important (and that's not the decision I would make) then he needs to talk to a local attorney.

But again, it was very crappy of Mom to do this.

Answer 3

The child is 6, I think if there is a man that has been there being daddy, he should just let it be...and in the future, she may tell the child...could do more damage then good though at the moment...mess her head up

Answer 4

Do a paternity test. They don't have to know each other. If it turns out they are siblings then take the steps to introduce them. Maybe say cousins or something. Nah don't hide it. Make sure they know. Make some drama

Answer 5

what a web. hmm very hard i realize she wants to keep her happy home but in reality is that fair? i think you future husband has a right to know his own flesh and blood as well as the siblings.. i cant fathom why these women lie to their spouses and think they will never find out. my opinion is after 6 years if god let u know this maybe there is a deep seeded reason why. i would want to be par of my childs life no matter what and im sure your soon to be husband feels that very way good luck god bless

Answer 6

Right now there is no necessity for you to stir up any trouble by questioning this 6 year old boy's parenthood.

File this one away under the heading 'Open in emergency only'.

Answer 7

I think the child has a right to know who it's father is. The girls have a right to know their brother. He can demand a DNA test & I think he should. What happens when this child needs to know his family medical history? They should have used protection & this wouldn't have happened.

Answer 8

I think that he has a right to know who his birth father is. But also be prepared for him to pay child support for a third child. I am assuming he is for the first two.

Answer 9

I consider merely approximately all people else who's responded. in case you don't understand sufficient approximately one yet another to *understand* how many infants he has and whether he's paying toddler help for them, and in case you admit you won't be in a position to have faith him to permit you already know the certainty in case you *ask*, then why the hell are you even thinking marrying him?

Answer 10

Yes he should find out. A DNA test could be done without the child ever knowing.