question about relationship?

Question

I am suppose to be getting married soon. We already got our marriage license. But I still do not know if I am ready. How do I talk to him about my animosity towards him that I have kept battled up inside from our past arguements? When I do try to have a good conversation about things he gets really defensive and angry (even though he says that we have good communication...yea right). Do you think that animosity in a relationship can be worked through? I find myself not being the best girlfriend to him because of all of my pint up feelings but then I feel as though he would get too angry if I talk to him and nothing will get settled.

Answer 1

if in doubt leave it out

Answer 2

DON'T KEEP SCORE!

Sorry, I know that sounded mean, but I just wanted you to notice that.

Playing the scorecard game NEVER EVER EVER gets you anywhere. Everyone makes mistakes. You do, he does too. Start from scratch. He probably gets irritated because you have animosity toward him. Believe me, he probably picks it up in your tone even though you are trying to cover it up. Women also tend to ask questions that give away their feelings. We might be men, but we are not all THAT stupid.
; )

Men and women's DEFINITION of communication is VERY different. For guys, if the "problem" is solved, then it's good enough. For gals, you need communication for the sheer sake of communication. Guys tend to be bothered by that because we literally run out of things to say and start wondering where the problem we can try to "fix" is at! lol
Whereas women see abbreviated conversation as more of a disinterest thing. It leaves you feeling empty and unloved. So just be aware of where each sex is coming from when communicating. He probably just thinks that:
1) All the problems are solved because you talked about it.
2) He gets aggravated because he sees your questions as his failure to fix a problem
It's just how guys look at things.

About your anger, don't just say, "I've been angry at you for a long time now." He'll wonder what the heck has been going on all this time. If you want to talk to him, say something like, "I have a problem with ME. I have been angry and I am now starting to realize that there is nothing to be 'settled'. I just want you to know that I felt hurt when (whatever) happened. Did you mean to hurt me, or did you not realize that is what happened?" If he didn't realize it, I'll almost guarantee he'll apologize.

So yeah, it's not all your fault, but you DEFINATELY cannot keep score. It is destructive, it is unforgiving, it is unloving, and it is wrong. Period.

Do this. Weigh pride against love. Love should ALWAYS win.

Answer 3

I think there are dark clouds on this relationship and there things that have not been settled. How can enter into a marriage, especially when you, yourself admit that you "don't know if you're ready?"

I think that you do know, and that the answer in "no"! There should be ZERO doubt and you should NOT have to be asking this question.

How can you marry a man who is defensive against what you point out and angry? Those are not good qualities. It's very important for a woman to choose a man who is kind and has good qualities for leadership in the home.

BACK AWAY FROM THIS MARRIAGE!

Answer 4

You already know that you two are not ready for marriage yet. Basically you have to be able to communicate freely in a relationship for it to remain strong.

I suggest you put the marriage on hold until you clear the air. Hopefully he will relax and be more willing to discuss all your feelings. But if he is never willing to do this, then you should not get married with him.

Answer 5

Clearly, you are not ready to be married. Yes, married people have conflicts--all of life does, but if you are feeling animosity towards him you should not get married. If you can't talk about it now, why would marriage make it better.

Answer 6

First and foremost do not get married until you are almost certain that you are ready. I mean if you are having any type of doubts then you should definitely talk it over with your mate. You have to do this before things get too late.. You do not want to be on the alter and still having doubts

Answer 7

Do you really think living with him may resolve things?

Was in the same situation myself .But then I thought if I get married to this guy;then I'll only live a kind of life I don't entend to live for the rest of my life bowed by the vow I said on my weeding day.So I tried to talk it over with him;that I don't think living together will make us any better in understanding each other. THAT WE'R NOT meant to be for each other.He'll thank you for it in due time.

Answer 8

Just tell him that you are not ready to get married yet. If he gets that angry, maybe you should put it off permanently, unless he gets anger management training.

Explain to him that you don't feel that it is fair to him for you to make a marriage commitment until you have sorted out the anger that you feel.

If you are afraid to speak to him alone, you definitely should not be getting married.

Answer 9

i just asked this same question im getting married june 9th and i get annoyed so easily by him and i enjoy our time apart more and i wish i lived somewhere else but he found out what i posted and we talked and things got better.....if you are having any doubts you need to talk never marry into doubts it'll end in divorce..talk to him worst case scenario you realize u dont love him call off the wedding and be out money and a man but you will breathe better and maybe hes not the one

Answer 10

the short and sweet answer, if you go into it like this and go ahead and get married you are asking for it to fail. You either work through it with him or you leave him. I left my fiance two weeks before the wedding because of this and it was teh best decision I ever made.

Answer 11

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