I am 36 weeks pregnant and in a inter-racial relationship. There are only a few people in my family who aren't prejudice. I was prepared to have my family quit talking to me and I had already begun to seperate myself when I started dating my boyfriend a year and a half ago. Instead of not talking to me, most of my family has said that I can come over with the baby, but I can't bring my boyfriend. My boyfriend has said that if they don't accept him, that he doesn't want them around his child. I agree. If the situation were reversed and his family had not accepted me, I wouldn't want them around the baby either. Despite their opposition, my family attended my baby shower and got a LOT of things for the baby. I feel guilty because my boyfriend doesn't want them to see the baby unless they are willing to accept him too. Is it wrong to keep my baby from them if they won't let my boyfriend come with me?
2007-05-15 18:37:21 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thank you! I'm already starting to feel better about my decision based on the first few comments. It really helps to hear opinions from people other than my family.
2007-05-15 18:52:36 · update #1
you have created a little family of your own, don't let them control you and say we will accept one without the other. Your partner is just as much as your life as the babies he helped to create. Tell them you want him to be a part of the family and if they can't accept him then they can't accept you and the baby.
2007-05-15 18:46:09 · answer #1 · answered by Nicky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wanted to just add my voice to the chorus.
It is very important for your family to accept the father of your baby. If the issue is definitely racism then unhealthy attitudes will be communicated to your child. Life is hard enough and no child needs to be burdened by that.
You need to make sure you know what all the issues are in the minds of different family members. It is possible that you can deal with people's concerns one-on-one and also share your concerns about the well-being of your child if they don't accept your boyfriend. Personally, I would meet with one person at a time or with a couple because I would be worried that a big family meeting could turn ugly because of group dynamics.
Is there an older, respected member of the family or friend of the family who could take up your case? Sometimes a trusted friend can help parents to understand why you need to make the boundaries so firm.
Lastly, I think that you need to take the high road and welcome them to come to your home. This way they can get to know you in the context of your relationship and new family.
And one final thought...
If you are firm now...it is probable that upon the arrival of the baby things will change...children have a way of bringing healing.
2007-05-16 02:39:00 · answer #2 · answered by md 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would be doing the right thing to tell them that the only way they can see the child, is to accept it's father. Tell them that if they will love this child, they should love the people it comes from, you and your boyfriend! Also tell them that if they do indeed love you, they should have accepted him LONG before this ever happened. Let them know you want them to be a part of this childs life, but you want to make sure your FAMILY is accepted. You're a family now, whether they like it or not, and they need to at least give your boyfriend a CHANCE, and be open to him being a part of their lives as well.
2007-05-16 03:55:54 · answer #3 · answered by xxxdarksakuraxxx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is unfortunate that they feel that way, and I can certainly understand your boyfriend's position. Its certainly not wrong to back up your boyfriend on this issue.
That said, it sounds like perhaps your family might ultimately come to accept your boyfriend. I have to think that if your family were completely opposed to ever accepting your relationship in any way, shape, or form, then they wouldn't have attended your baby shower, brought you gifts, and agreed to accept your baby. The love of a child can have a powerful influence on people, and if anything could ever make them accept your boyfriend, it would be loving your baby and realizing that he/she wouldn't be here without your boyfriend.
I absolutely agree that you should not see your family behind his back and you probably shouldn't see them regularly even if your boyfriend is aware of it. That said, it might be a good idea to allow your family to meet your baby...even if just one time. Let them fully realize what their bigoted attitude is causing them to miss out on!
2007-05-16 01:55:24 · answer #4 · answered by sarah314 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same situation. I basically just have styed away from my family. I know I am probably not doing the right thing though. It is your family, and you need to tell them that if they accept the baby they need to accept the babies dad. If they can't then they can't see the baby. There really is no right or wrong way in dealing with it, but I know that if they love me and my child they need to accept who I am with or stay away. You don't need anyone bringing you down. I hope everything works out for both of us~
2007-05-16 01:43:59 · answer #5 · answered by breazyizdabomb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would keep them away from the baby. Why introduce hatred to your child? What happens when he's 5 and asks why grandma and grandpa hate Daddy? Teach them a lesson now. They'll come around, they have no choice. You have to make them see that this is NOT acceptable behavior. Don't feel guilty. THEY are the ones making the choice not to be a positive part in your childs life.
2007-05-16 01:43:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was lucky my family accepted my ex-boyfriend that I had a child with. But I was prepared to tell everyone if they couldn't tolerate my feller then they couldn't see the baby. Doesn't matter if they got you baby shower gifts or not. The only thing they need from you is a thank you card for the gift. If you are important to them, they will learn to tolerate your man.
2007-05-16 08:47:47 · answer #7 · answered by norielorie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's the father, they should accept him as well. It's nice they had a shower for you, but I suggest that if they start inviting you and the baby over, you find a way to let them know you'd be glad to come as long as the father can come too. If they don't allow the father, then find a way to turn them down. If they truely want a relationship with your son, they will find a way to accept the father as well.
2007-05-16 08:41:35 · answer #8 · answered by kittynala 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell ur parents that ur baby is a part of this man, and he is the father of the child whether they like it or not. tell the people who are predjudice that people of a different race are still PEOPLE. if your boyfriend has dark skin (black, asian, ect), tell them that the reason his skin is darker is because natural selection chose it to be that way to help be protected from the sun. that's why people from africa or who are african decendents have dark skin because they are exposed to the sun all the time. also, explain that he should be a part of this because your baby is a part of him.
prepare them to understand why people are built the way that they are, because if your baby ends up looking like the dad, how will they react? teach them something they didn't know about people. say that your love is pure.
2007-05-16 01:52:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you take the baby to see them minus the dad as your child grows he will be taught there is something wrong with your relationship and that there is something wrong with him. You family needs to get over it. I dont get this problem with interracial relationships. What does it matter. If your family can't accept it then they are the ones who will suffer as they will not get that relationship with your child. Be proud of your partner and child not ashamed as your family wants
2007-05-16 03:13:56 · answer #10 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋