Okay, so my daughters dad promised to pick her up on Mother's day so I could have a little me time. She was all excited, but he never showed or bothered to call. She tried to call him a few times and he didn't answer. Should I give him an ultimatum and tell him he's either in or out, or should I let him see her when it is convenient for him, which is only every month or so. She is almost 4 and doesn't understand why her daddy doesn't come see her when all her friends have their daddys all the time. What do you guys think I should do?
2007-05-15 17:01:49 · 6 answers · asked by ? 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I have been in your situation and I will tell you to do nothing. Don't call him and don't have your daughter call him. If he wants to be around then he will. If your daughter asks about him, tell her he has been busy working . at all costs don't tell her bad things about him. She will find out soon enough. telling her that he isn't around or anything like that will make her feel unimportant. Make excuses for him. She is young now and needs to feel like she is the most important thing to both of you. I know it sounds unfair that you are defending him, but you are doing it out of love for her.
She will eventually figure it out on her own that he isn't around and she won't blame you for making him go away. If you just stop contacting him he will either step up and become the dad he needs to be, or more likely he will disapear showing up when it is convenient for him. At that time you let him see her and spend whatever time she can with him.
Your daughter deserves to have her father, as messed up as he may be, without your interfering. I am telling you this because I have 2 kids with 2 messed up dads and I learned my lesson the first time.
My daughter wants to know her bio-dad and he won't come around out of hatred for me. She may never recover from the rejection. It is my fault for getting in the middle and not controling my emotions. I allowed my anger and hurt to cloud my judgement and I made a bad choice.
My son's dad moved to Alaska and never calls, but my son still thinks he's great and is much better off (emotionally) than my daughter. he is 8 and doesn't even notice that his dad hasn't called in months. When he asks me to call his dad, I let him. When he asks why his dad didn't return his calls I make up an excuse so my sons feeling aren't hurt. I don't lie, but I don't tell him what I really think.
On another note, go to your local courts and get a child support order, if you already haven't, and get financial help raising your baby. They may have to garnish his wages, but leave it up to the child support agency to do it. Don't even contact him about money. It will only make you look like the bad guy.
I know I haven written a lot, but I can't express the importance of not giving him the ultimatum. your silence will do it for you.
2007-05-15 18:58:22 · answer #1 · answered by kidzrdrivinmekrazy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I would read him the riot act, tell him not to tell her he's coming if he's not. Do not, however, bad mouth him to her. Just tell her he's busy or couldn't make it. Eventually when she's older she will make her own decision about his behavior and he will have to live with it. My daughters father tried to tell her (she's 31 now) that it was my fault that he left and didn't come around. She wasn't buying it and cut him off at the knees when he tried to to say I made her dislike him. She told him that he'd done it by himself that I had never badmouthed him to her. That left him without excuses. Just tell her the truth in the nicest way possible. When she asks why he didn't come tell her you don't know, maybe we should ask him the next time he's here. Don't lie to her but she's too young to understand the whole situation.
2007-05-15 17:20:37 · answer #2 · answered by ophirhodji 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would explain to him how much he is hurting your daughter my dad did the exact same thing when i was a child and it was very hurtful and we still dont really speak now that im an adult because of it. if it were me i'd give him an ultimatum because it hurts to be let down after having your hopes built up especially for kids because they just dont understand it. hope i have been some help :) good luck with your situation
2007-05-15 17:06:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell the jerk to either step up and be a real man and act like a Daddy, or stay the hell out of your little girls life permanently.
BTW, if this POS is no better facing his financial obligations, take him to court and let the courts force him to pay up. He danced the dance, now let him pay the piper.
Doc
2007-05-15 17:07:55 · answer #4 · answered by Doc Hudson 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you shouldn't tell your little girl that her dad is coming to get her, you should just wait and let him show up, that way if he doesn't show then her feels aren't hurt. you need not be telling her everything because she only four. you need to make better choices in men in the future so this doesn't happen again. he a selfish man and he will be paid back for the hurt he has cause.
2007-05-15 17:23:28 · answer #5 · answered by rma2ks 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a son of 2 divorcered parents.... tell him he needs to choose his daughter now or never.... this is one of the most important times of a relatsionship and she needs her father fully or not at all... you dont want her to build hatefull memories
2007-05-15 17:06:57 · answer #6 · answered by tyler1636 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋