Mother of 4 young kids. I need help to stop being SO frustrated. I feel like I can't even talk nice anymore.

Question

I feel so overwelmed now. I am a mother of 4..3 boys of mine and 1 girl that is my stepdaughter (I consider my own, we have full custody of her). I am constantly saying "do this and that" "dont' do this or that" "pick up" AGGGHHHH!!!! HOW do I stop nagging BUT get them to do their chores and HELP out around the house? How do I get my step daughter to stop BOSSING and tearing her room up when she is supposed to be sleeping? Oops..I forgot she is 4, the boys are 9, 6, and 2. I have tried everything! I am very consistent. HOW in the world do I get them to help and to respect and to MIND? I hate having to repeat myself or for them to keep asking after being told. Okay...please some serious answers! I am to the point now, where I just need to be alone. It seems frustrating to be with them. I know that sounds crude, but I am sick of yelling and nagging at them. I love them and don't want to keep going like this. I am just overwelmed.

Yes my husband is working 70 to 80 hours a week. He drives 2 hours to work daily. He does back me up and me to him. If I wanted time he would give it to me NO PROBLEM, but I really don't have friends or hobbies. My hobbies are the kids activities. I have 3 playing baseball right now.I just wish I had better strategies and tips. I feel so frustrated all the time. I feel like I am never smiling or in a good mood. I love the tip about limiting the toys to 10 and rotating them. I am definitely doing that, they have lots. That is one reason, I feel, taking some of the toys away doesn't work-because they have 1,000 others to play with. I am definitely going to have a meeting too.

Answer 1

The first thing you need to do is praise them the second you see them making a good choice of any kind. Then get yourself an egg timer. Give them a warning before they are to clean up. After the time warning give them a set amount of time to get the chore done. When the chore is done mark it off their to do list. If they complete all their choirs, every other day give them a reward. Whether it be a trip to the park, library, walk. Anything that is free. Once in a while take them some place special. Like for ice cream. If they yell and you find yourself talking over them, buy yourself a whistle or bell. Ring it and then talk softly. Let the children know you are not going to talk at them or over them. You will talk to them. If you want them to do something right away, tell them so and then count to 5 if they don't have it done or started by the count of 5, then instead of yelling and getting mad, the child will loose something then and there. It can be videos for the day, phone privileges, TV, or anything else you decide. The only thing you don't take away is something they have already earned. That would be the every other day treat. This will help put you in a routine and help them learn how to make good decisions. It will also teach them goals and communication.
Best of luck
P.S. I have 6 boys all were born in November.

Answer 2

1

Answer 3

You are on mother overload. I feel for you. Just remember...you are not alone. Everything you think and feel is normal. Sounds like you need an intervention. Tell hubby how you are feeling. Call in the grandparents and take a vacation! If that isn't possible then get a sitter for...say 2 hours a day for one week. Give yourself a break. Get your mental self rested and back together.

Those ages are really tough, a LOT of work. It sounds as if you are doing the right things. Being consistant is the most important thing. Always follow through with consequences and with praises.

When things get out of control at our house we always have a "family meeting". NOW is the time to start that. We keep them serious and at the kitchen table. One person can speak at a time. We lay out the problem and ask for the kids solutions. If you want, you can write down what they say on a white board/chalk board or piece of paper. Post it so they see they had a hand in helping with the solution.

I'm sure you have really good kids...you are just run down and overwhelmed. Please take some time for yourself. Do it for them. When things get real bad write a gratitude list (even if it's just that they have all 10 toes!! ;). Say a prayer and thank God for their health and your blessings.
Hang in there. Good luck.

Answer 4

I am the grandmother of four children 12, 11, 10 and 7 now, and I helped raise them from birth on. When it appears that they have done something that frustrates you no end, walk away from it and let yourself calm down before you take it up with them. No child likes yelling and nagging but they don't straighten up so it seems like an endless cycle, doesn't it? I have never found the solution for a child bossing--maybe he/she thinks the household isn't being run correctly without his/her input?--but I have found that consistent reminders can be effective if it's not coupled with "you never" or "you always" or some dire threat: "if you do that again, you're grounded for life, mister!" In some people's minds, reminding constantly is nagging but come on, little ones have the attention span of a gnat.
You didn't mention your husband or other family members. Do you have the opportunity to get out by yourself, or someone to help mind the children now and again? Mothers really do need time to be alone, especially when they can't even go to the bathroom without someone pounding on the door with a bloody nose, sick dog, or the phone he answered "for you".
I wish you luck, and remember the immortal words of Carol Burnette: "I will live through this."

Answer 5

maybe you need more time for YOU....

is there a way you can get away once or twice a week? for lunch with a friend, or go to the gym, or shopping, a massage, a movie or even to the library?

consider taking a nice bubble bath, with some candles.. pamper yourself with some new lotion. find the time to do something you enjoy -- do you have a hobby?

would your husband be willing to spend part of a weekend day and an hour or two on a week night for you to go out with a girlfriend or alone?

the truth is, kids between the ages of 2 and 9 are rather messy, and don't really know much about being neat and tidy, and they aren't normally the most organized individuals....if you have the space in your house, maybe you could limit their toys to a "toy room" area, so they can play in there and you won't have to trip over things all over the rest of the house.

i dont' know if this is a good suggestion or not, but you could organize a daily schedule... breakfast, play times, lunch, quiet time and etc... and stick to it. if your kids expect and get used to a schedule, things might be a little easier, but will take some organizing on your part..... you could even put a daily reading time in there, so your kids have a little, special time with you during the day?

i don't envy you ! You have your hands full, hon. I hope you get some good answers and suggestions here. take care, ok?

hugz

Answer 6

Well, you probably are VERY frustrated, understandably so. Four children under 10 years old is a BIG job for anyone... But you chose to have all 4 of the 4 children.

Take a step back and start fresh. The 9 year old should be able to understand chores, but should not be responsible for the the majority of all four childrens chores.

I suspect that the yelling is due to not setting boundaries for the children that they understand.

Start by setting easy things for the children to understand. I suspect that they have more toys than needed. First start out by having a "sort your toys day". Let them keep no more than 10 of their favorites and then sort the rest by "keep as a trade toy, or a donation toy".

The keep for trade toys are to be stored and rotated, with never more than 10 toys in their daily toy bin. The donation toys are simply that.

The 9 year old, six and four year old can start sorting their laundry with a very simple helper. Set up 3 or 4 laundry baskets in a common area (like the haul between their bedrooms) and over each basket put the colors that go in each basket. Use the 4th basket for blankets, sheets and things that are not clothing. You will be surprised at how much fun they have with this. Oh, and you will not have as much sorting. Also, have a basket for each of their folded laundry for them to assist in putting away the clothes.

Each kid should also bring their dinner plate to the counter from the table after each meal.

You have to remember that this will all be new to your family and baby steps will have to take place before the plan can run at a smooth pace.

(Most of this I learned from Nanny 911, but it was very sucessful with "run-a-way kids")

I was only a mom of 1 but my sister, who I helped often/daily has 5 kids, 24 years to 18 months (oh and 2 grand children) 22, 17, 14 years, 18 months live at home and the 2 grand children are there M-F for day care... and each of her kids have always understood that clean-up and laundry was their job to help Mommy, not Mommy helping them.

It can be done, remember to "breathe" and work with each kid individually - never expect each kid to be the same as one another.

God Bless and Keep up the good work as a great Mom.

Answer 7

Now this may sound a bit extreme or rude but I think you should just ignore them for a while....not completely but if they say they want a candy or cookie then just ignore them and hide it and if they don't want to clean or help you just go to your room and shut the door. Act like you are upset and they will come around especially the young ones. The 9 year old maybe not so much cause he may know whats up as oppose to the others who will wonder what's wrong with mommy and why is she not after us or paying attention to us. Cook for your husband and yourself and not for them....tell them that if they don't help you then you can't help them. It's not to be mean or anything it's to get them to understand that you take time to do things for them and they should help out. If they don't help out and you have to do everything then you don't have time to help them or make them lunch. Have you seen any of the Nanny 911? Try some tips from her like giving them prizes or presents if they clean their room or presents to whoever helps you most. Make it a competition....your smart make things up you know what to do and what they like. Maybe if someone does all their chores you take THAT PERSON to the movies and nobody else. Things like that. It will get them motivated and soon they will be doing stuff to get stuff and at least then you will be ok with it because they are working for what they are getting. Good luck to you. I hope any of this helps. Take a break and breathe you are not the only person being driven nuts by little monkeys. :)

Answer 8

It is totally normal for us women to get frustrated with our kids. I am a single mom of 2 girls that are 5 yrs apart. If you get them Involved and make it fun then they will be more apt to help you out more. If you start laying down the law now it will get better and yes I know its hard for I too have been in your shoes and just breaking free. Reverse psychology works great.. Make them think they thought of it first. Also if they wont eat what you cook then they just will have to go hungry until they give in and start eating what you have put out for them. Like if they refuse breakfast you don't allow them to have any thing until lunch time, and if they don't like the lunch they again don;t get anything until dinner and so on. Now for the chores. If they do not do the work they don't get special treats and things from you. That includes going out to eat . I know it will be punishing you for a while but it will save you in the long run. As for your nagging and yelling. Just stop talking to them about it. Don't lift a finger for them and if they want something they have to get it by their on working hands and feet. Go on mom strike! They will see how much they need you and they will start understanding that you mean business.I hope my advise is good for you.

Answer 9

ok, first question is dad on the same page as you? when you give 'orders' to the kids, does he back you up? he has to or you are going to be totally lost! and you must back him up!
never, and i mean never, let the kids see you argue over them! kids are great at pitting one parent against the other, and you have to make sure that doesnt work for them.
also, when discussing whatever with the kid or kids, stick to the topic at hand. they try to divert your attention from the current issue by bringing up other issues, you have to stop, take a breath and calmly state 'we are not discussing that right now'. then continue on with your conversation. you may have to repeat it over and over again for days or weeks but it will work!
your husband has to help out some! yes he works all day but when he gets home he has to pitch in and give you a helping hand.
you also need to take a day off every once in a while. whether it be one day a month or every two weeks or weekly, you really have to get a sitter to come in and you go out WITHOUT ANY CHILDREN! even if you continue on with grocery shopping, or banking, or whatever - do it WITHOUT CHILDREN! and don't rush! sometimes you might want to take the children to a babysitter and have the house to yourself if only so as to have a hot bubblebath without kids banging on the door and calling for mommy!
don't yell at them, don't nag them - that is making you crazy. have a family meeting and tell them what the new rules are, for example: you could give each child a glass jar and five tokens in their jar. tokens could be whatever you choose - just make sure everyone's tokens are different from their siblings tokens. [different colored poker chips for each child would work]
tell them you will only be asked once to ..........[do whatever it is you want them to do].........if you don't do it when i ask you to then you will lose a token.
tell them if they do it right away, orwithin the time limit you set, they will get a token and when they have [however many tokens you decide on] they will get an additional treat or privilege. no arguing, no yelling, no fussing, no nagging.
as for your daughter you haven't mentioned how long it has been since she came to live with you. perhaps she is acting out after being separated from her mother?
good luck - i hope your husband is supportive and being helpful! take care and let us know how it all goes!

Answer 10

There are parenting books about this and you can always find a kids specialist that could give you some tips. You can always give them positive reenforcement instead of nagging. Make a board and write everyones names in it. Who ever collects more stars or whatever with each chore they accomplish gets a price...like a whole day out with mom doing something fun or a toy or something.