When it's time to stop helping your bipolar young adult?

Question

I have a daughter who is turning 19, she has 2 children a 1 year old and 2 year old. She did not finish high school, has done nothing to take her GED, and has no place to live at the moment. She has lived with 3 boyfriends in the past 3 years and it never works because she is bipolar. Really mentally she has the maturity of a 14 year old. She is a good mom though and treats those kids with tons of love. But she has no job and I always have to bring them back into my house. The fathers of the babies are being pursuit by the Child Support office at the moment but it takes a long time. She applied for housing but had heard nothing from them. I help her babysitting when she gets any kind of job, but i cannot do so forever. Its just too much for me and my health.
Is it true is time to let her hit bottom? Because doing so takes my sleep away and stresses me out! Is there a way to help her help herself?

Answer 1

the first thing your daughter could consider doing is looking into the state or county mental health program and getting some sort of treatment for her disorder. if she does not know, most states/counties offer free or low-cost treatment to those with low or no income. there are grants, and other sources, which the mental health facilities can apply for in your daughter's behalf (sometimes other mental health clinics will do this, too -- a person has to do the legwork to find out what help is available).

i have bipolar disorder also, and it is normally a manageable illness; however, one has to WORK on themselves, take medications prescribed (and if they dont help tell the doctor so they can find meds which DO help)... she has to be serious about wanting to manage her illness.... otherwise, it's useless.

if she drinks or takes drugs she needs to stop NOW. drinking and drug abuse only tend to enhance symptoms, mainly depression.

your daughter needs a support system, including you. this doesn't mean you have to wait on her hand and foot or go out of your way all of the time, but when we have people surrounding us who understand, will listen to our issues it helps quite a lot. YOU have to decide when enough is enough of babysitting, etc... but otherwise, she DOES need your support with the illness issues.

If your daughter wants public housing, she's going to have to keep after these people, and apply for every program out there... i know how difficult it is to find a decent place to live.

one of the common traits of bipolars (including me) seems to be starting a task or project, and not finishing it... i don't know if this is what your daughter does or not. but we do need a good shove from time to time.

you can find many resources about bipolar disorder on line. it's not fun to live with, and i know from personal experience, it's devastating when our family gives up on us.

you don't have to let your daughter "use" you, or wear yourself out... she might learn to help herself by attending therapy consistently.

if your daughter has access to the internet and would like to join a small, understanding group of people facing mental illness issues, she can go to the website listed below. very supportive, caring people... all ages, several bipolars...

take care..

Answer 2

It definitely sounds as though he has a mood disorder. The two main types of mood disorders are Major Depression and Bi Polar Disorder. Bi Polar disorder use to actually be called Manic Depression. This is when the mood changes are so drastic that a person is completely happy and content one minute and before you can blink, they are more angry than you would ever see anyone be. Bi Polar disorder can sometimes be misdiagnosed as ADHD and I am almost certain that the constant medication change is not helping. A person that suffers from any disorder has a chemical imbalance which medication is suppose to balance out, with the wrong medications and constant switching of medication, it throws everything out of wack and causes a worse chemical imbalance which could in turn cause stronger and more frequent symptoms. Is there anything else other than mood swings that are so drastic? Like is he saying that someone else told him to behave that way or someone else made him do it? Some disorders are actually hereditary, are there any other family members that you can remember that may have had a problem similar to his whether it was as strong or not? Also could their be anything that happened in his 11 years that he could be supressing? Sometimes, finding the cause of his behavior could help you diagnose it, and sometimes diagnosing it could help you figure out what caused it. Mental and emotional problems are much harder to diagnose and treat than physical ones, in most cases anyway. I wish you luck...

Answer 3

You guys need to talk long and hard about responsibilites, sexual and parenting responsibilities. A good therapist can move you guys forward in your relationship also.
I would recommend discussing birth control and other issues that are impacting her life. Be patient but firm with her.
Can the two of your set goals and timelines for achieving goals.
Is she willing to go to counseling to learn to live successfully with the disease? Make some ground rules for the mother daughter relationship that will prove helpful in the long run, such as, you may live here with the children as long as the two chidlren are all that you have. If you have another baby, you'll need to find affordable housing for your growing family.
Also, try not to be the babysitter the free babysitter that she can always depend on. I suggest you find activities and let your daughter know that you'll be out for the evening and that she needs to be home with her children. Or tell her that you'll be in for the evening and are not available to sit the kids.
As part of the conversation, try to get your daughter to set educational goals for herself,also.
GL!

Answer 4

You didn't mention if your daughter takes medication for her Bipolar disorder, my sister was not diagnosed until she was an adult and she went through hell those early adult years. She is now managing her illness and the difference is amazing. If she is already taking meds maybe she needs to adjust the dosage or seek some counseling to go along with the meds. It can be very trying on the family and you cant let her use this disorder to hurt and use you. I so hope your family finds a solution, good luck.

Answer 5

yeah leave her alone and let her be cause if you continue to help her she would aways fall on yo to help when she the one always making the mistakes so yeah i would stay away from her and help just in case but not all the time you know