She has asked me to be her maid of honor at her wedding but I can't in good conscience ask her to be mine. We are not very close anymore and we live very far apart. The whole situation is very complicated but I know when I tell her this she'll just stop talking to me altogether... I don't want to destroy our friendship. (Also we are planning a destination wedding since my fiance and i would prefer a small wedding) Suggestions? Anyone else having problems with childhood friends?
2007-05-15 13:47:19 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ahhhh yes, yes I did have the same thing!!
My partner & I decided we would like to have his two brothers & my two sisters for our bridal party & a friend of mine actually got really quite upset over it, crying & what not.
All I can suggest is to tell her that it is going to be a small affair & you & your fiance have chosen the few you have for the reason that they have been in your lives since the very begining of your relationship & that you cannot go against your partners wishes.
Perhaps you could ask her to greet your guests when they arrive or hand out the programs or some other 'job' that is considered to have some importantance.
I wasnt in my sisters bridal party but she asked me to give a speech at the ceremony, I felt really honoured to do this, so maybe you could ask her to read a poem or make a speech at the ceremony seeings that she is your oldest friend, not neccessarily your best friend, but your oldest.
Good luck...hope it works better for you than me!!
2007-05-15 14:08:05 · answer #1 · answered by Mrs D 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm getting married and I'm not sure if I'm going to ask my best friend of 14 years to be my maid of honor either. I know that I will be defnitely be hers whether I ask her or not, but since she's gotten serious with her new beau she hasn't been much of a friend. I know it's silly of me, but this has happened with her before and I don't feel like she deserves that position. It has only been us 2 our whole lives. Never a large group of friends. She was always around me and my fiance before I was engaged like Three's company. Now we talk over text messages. Very sad when you live blocks away from each other, and put soo much more into a friendship than someone else.
You have to go with your gut on this one. You don't want any regrets on your wedding day. I know you might feel awful, but it really is your special day ( as corny as that sounds) and you have to put yourself first.
You sound like you know what you want, so just do it. There are enough headaches in planning a wedding alone. You don't need this hanging over your head. Your friend should respect your wishes if she is a good friend. If you think there's a chance she might stop speaking to you, then you're obviously making the right decision. Good Luck!!
2007-05-16 12:24:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that you have to tell her. You are not obligated to reciprocate this sort of thing. Maybe check out some wedding etiquette guides. I know people get really touchy about not being asked to be in weddings, it is hard. But remember it is about you and your man, not anyone else. Do what will make the day right for both of you. If you hardly see her anymore, then what is there to lose?If she is really a friend she will get over it.
2007-05-15 22:06:42 · answer #3 · answered by my_son_wants_to_know 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
welp theres a few ways that you could go about it.
1- you could tell her that it means so much to this other person and that you know how understanding she is... blah blah blah
2- you could actually spill your guts and let her know how you feel and that your concerned how she will feel and that she means a lot to you and try to talk through your problems with her
3- tell her that you mistakenly asked another person to be your maid of honor when you really meant brids maid and now your too afraid to correct yourself and hurt her feelings bc she was so excited etc... and will she please be your best brids maid and be there with you through everything
4- say that this person is also very close to your husband and for argument sake you picked her for him, but that might only work if she's one of his realitives
Now I know your first instinct is to tell the truth but if you were such good friends at one time and was her maid of honor maybe she'd rather hear a storie i know i would.
And remember it's the brids day so don't let anyone pull you down if she can't take it then that's it theres nothing you can do but be happy that you met your sole mate.
Best Wishes
2007-05-15 21:14:16 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why do you have to tell her that she isnt. Its about asking someone if they want TO be M O H. I dont think anything needs to be said. And you wont be destroying the friendship. If she wont talk to you as you write, then it is SHE who is destroying the ' friendship' but that kind of friend you do not need. Best wishes for a wonderful small wedding. They are the best
2007-05-15 20:56:32 · answer #5 · answered by barthebear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I too had this problem. A friend of mine that i was close with in junior high moved away our freshman year of high school. We some what kept in touch but as time went on we separated. Well I had told her that i wanted her to be my matron of honor but I hardly ever speak to her. As of now its been atleast 3months. She calls only when she wants something or need someone to hang out with. So I have taken it back she would be lucky if she is even invited. So PLEASE dont feel pressured to have her in it at all. People in your wedding are suppose to be special and you can count on them to be there. Not people you made that promose to before you knew where your future was gonna lead. But good luck with your decision
2007-05-15 23:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The same thing happened to me- but I was on the receiving end! It's okay. Just tell her and the reasoning behind it- if she's a good friend, she'll understand. For me it turned out well, I didn't have to come up w/ extra expenses :)
2007-05-15 22:51:40 · answer #7 · answered by Lynn 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to tell her she isn't going to be a maid of honor. If she asks about it state you want her to do a reading or something instead because you want X to be your MOH and X and X to be your BM's.
2007-05-16 11:21:34 · answer #8 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope your friendship is not based on something so little. If you feel she will stop talking to you because of that...THEN SHE WAS NEVER A TRUE FRIEND.
I am so sorry you have this stress and such a JOYFUL time in your life.
Good Luck!!!
2007-05-15 21:00:53 · answer #9 · answered by mocha 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just don't ask her if she's not going to be -- you don't tell someone that they "aren't" going to be an attendant, that would just be rude. People understand that being wedding attendants isn't always reciprocal. You should invite her, however.
2007-05-15 22:33:02 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋