I have a cousin who is just grimy. I mean, you wouldn't believe how grimy she is. For example, she will make food, but not clean up the kitchen--she leaves food and messes all over the counter. At any given time, she has nasty, smelly dishes in the sink. She allows the trash to pile up when it's obvious it should be taken out. She does not clean her bathrooms, and if not for me, they would never be clean. She had moldy, smelly, used washcloths in the bathroom for months. Unfortunately, I had to move in with her due to a temporary situation that I expected to last three months, but I couldn't even take that--I found a place a week later and made up a story about moving. When I moved in, I had to change the shower curtain because the one there was black from limescale and only-God-knows-what-else. You can not walk in her house without shoes. How can I tell her how nasty and grimy she is without hurting her feelings?
2007-05-15 13:05:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Heck no, I'm not willing to help her clean up. Things are TOO filthy. She needs to call Molly Maids or something.
2007-05-15 15:31:28 · update #1
She probably knows she's dirty already, so you may want to consider why she lets things stay so bad. Is she depressed? Does she have a low opinion of herself? Or is she just unconcerned, perhaps lazy? If you think there might be deeper issues causing the filthy living, then you can approach it this way: "I know you've been really depressed ever since ______, and maybe housework overwhelms you, but the way the house is now is really unhealthy. I'm concerned that things are not getting better around the house, because I'm afraid you're not healing, either, and it hurts me to see you live like this." Then be ready to recommend a place where she can get some counseling (there are free clinics & churches that provide this if money is an issue).
If she just seems indifferent to how she lives, you can still address it: "It looks like you're having a hard time keeping up with everything that needs doing around the house. Have you thought about having someone come in and help you get things under control? (You can have a cleaning service to recommend). I'm afraid you'll get sick, living with all this dust and mold. It can really mess up your lungs, and give you allergies."
You did not mention if she had kids; if she does, and she doesn't respond to your gentle nudging, then you might consider calling protective services to come speak to her.
If she has internet access, you could suggest flylady.com to her. Flylady is very understanding of how people end up living this way, and has loads of testimonials from people who overcame their bad habits and learned how to take care of their homes -- and take pride in themselves at the same time. You could offer to help her get started, or just point her in the direction of the website. It takes discipline on her part, but sometimes a lot of encouragement from friends, too, so whatever you decide to say to her, do it kindly. She sounds like she is really stuck and could use a friendly hand to lift her up.
2007-05-15 13:36:26 · answer #1 · answered by Kat 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You'll just have to tell her the truth.
Point out the mess, find out why she is not cleaning.
Is she depressed?
I hate a dirty place, but I would still offer to help clean up, especially if I were the one telling her that the mess is horrid.
She might not have enough to pay for a cleaning service so it would be considerate of you (especially if you bring it up to her about the mess) to perhaps get a few relatives together to clean the place for her, especially if she suffers from depression or other health issue.
2007-05-16 02:12:36 · answer #2 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could tell her in a way that will help her to want to clean her home. Say to her You would have a lot more friends if you cleaned up your place. I would come over and help you and show you how if it would help and I would come over more often if your house was cleaner. For the sake of your health you need to be more careful with dirty dishes, clothes, and especially in the bathroom the germs can cause you to get really sick. You are my family and I want to help you if you will let me.
You will have stated the problem, the negative results of not cleaning and the positive things that will occur when her house and her are clean. Plus you offered to help and come over more often.
2007-05-15 13:31:35 · answer #3 · answered by Nancy B 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
oh you cant!!! but you've got to tell her its just wrong for you not too,n cuz you know everyone else is talking about her.. I've been in that situation be for and my friend was way more GRIMEY than yours and when i finally got the nerve up to tell her that she was foul she was offended because i didn't tell her sooner... you cant let your Friends/cousin walk around smelling like death or being grimey.GOD BLESS
2007-05-15 14:48:05 · answer #4 · answered by BE@UTIFULGIRLZ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's probably best to be blunt. You canbe blunt without being rude. Just tell her that her place is a mess and it's not healthy and that she really should clean it up.
2007-05-15 13:11:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, until I looked it up on the NET. I thought a Bugatti was the bimbo that my husband has been buggering. ( he thinks behind my back) So my choice was the homeless man. Now that I know the car and the value.. My choice is the homeless man.
2016-05-19 14:44:01 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't, but if you are willing to help her clean it up, you could soften the blow by offering to set up a cleaning weekend to help her.
2007-05-15 15:29:57 · answer #7 · answered by Gypsy Girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just tell her straight up, and be as informative as possible. hopefully that will work
good luck, dirty people really bother me
2007-05-15 13:14:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋