can someone read my problem and give me some advice?

Question

Im 7 months pregnant with my 3rd child. me,my kids and hubby all live together under 1 bedroom house *for now*..i have stress on my hands etc already. My sister in law is having problems and took her and her 2 month old in until she gets on her feet. our place is kinda small yes. She knows we are in the process of getting a 3 bedroom but she has been getting frustrated with the living situation. If a fly comes in the house she gets aggravated and says we all need to move,she complains about the furniture because its not perfect and worries about baby sitting on it and herself breathing in dust at times. complains about the size of the house,when my little boy touches her baby and trys to help her out. she just gets real aggravated and it upsets me at times,cause we are in hard times and she doesnt need to rub it in. I love her and know she is going through some things but i just wish she wouldnt complain so much, im not gonna tell her about this but how do i deal with it and the stress

Answer 1

You're doing nothing wrong! You ought to be canonized, but if she's going to complain, remind her that at least she has a place to live (say it subtly). It's not your fault. Encourage her to get back on her feet. Tell her about job opportunities. Don't let her be a mooch.

Answer 2

Your sister in law is also stressed. You two need to sit down and talk to either other. Both expressing what you both want. But you also need to tell her that her complaining isn't making things any easier for anyone including herself. She needs to just chill and make the best of the living situation. If all of you are making right moves the living conditions should change soon. Tell her to think if she wasn't living with you and her brother where would she and her baby be. I'm should that her being with you two is the best place and the safest. Tell her to think about this and be thankful and grateful that you were understanding of her needs, because you and your family was already in a stressed situation, and no could have been the answer to her question.

Answer 3

I'm sorry, but she is extremely ungrateful for someone you have taken into your already overcrowded home.

Not everyone can be born rich and most people have to work for anything they want in life. If she isn't happy with the size of your home, why doesn't she do something with her own life. When you and your husband get your new home, does she expect to continue to live with you? Is she contributing anything to the house besides noise pollution?

I think you should talk to her. Tell her that although you and your husband may not have much, you are sharing what you have with her. She should respect and appreciate that.

It sounds as though you could use a break. Why don't you get a friend or family member to babysit and get out of the house for a while. Even if you can only go to the park for a walk or get a coffee. Good luck, if you need someone to talk to, you can email via my profile page.

Answer 4

sweetheart this is never easy.

family is something that we love, and need but when it stresses us out we could use a break. it sounds like your sister is also very stressed. i am a stay at home mom without my drivers license, and i just had my second child three weeks ago i know alot about being pregnant and at the seventh month is when i began to get terribly stressed also. i found that getting out of the house was a big help. i took the kids to the park, the beach, movies anything i could. being outside really helped lift my stress, and the kids too. this may help you too. sometimes causing more stress for you may be the way to go... tell your sister that you will take care of the kids today and give her a day off. this should help her too. however make the agreement that you will get a day off the nest day or soon there after. helping each other lose the stresses of life should improve your situation.

if she is upset about the cleanliness of the house you and your hubby could offer to take the kids to the park for a few hours while she stays home to clean the house so that it is more suitable for her too! i tend to get upset with my sister a times and blow up at her. screaming, and yelling, avoiding this could be a good thing. however after a good argument we resolve it and tend to feel much better too!

try allowing time for your self, and her self. time for a long bath, or some reading. also if she is a freak-out case then you may have to ask your hubby to take the kids for the evening so that you can relax outside and watch the stars trail by.

i honestly think that if you and your sister get out of the house, with the kids, and sometimes alone you will both benefit from the stress relief. keep in mind though that you are not allowed to take a bath when you are pregnant, so maybe a long shower, or just relaxing in some way of your choice.

other stress relieves:
*fresh flowers around the home brightens the house, and makes it more pleasant to live in.
*aroma scented candles release tension.
*calm music, this is also often fun to dance with the kids. tire them out and get them to nap.

an other way to get kids to nap earlier if you also need a nap is water play. the sun and water drains their energy quicker so set up a pool, sprinkler or just let them play with water guns, balloons etc.

gardening is a good thing for ids sometimes too, also it can be relaxing.

about how she talks to your son when he tries to help with the baby you could try to politely explain to her that he is trying to help, and he responds much better to direct talking then to hysterical shouting (if that is what she does). tell her that he loves the baby, and really wants to connect with it. explaining that he is building a strong relationship that will continue throughout their lives , also may help her understand and desire for him to contribute to the babies everyday routine.

Answer 5

Do tell. Tell her the same way that you told us. Tell her you love her and know she is going through a hard time. Let her know you are happy to have her and the baby there, but it is hard for you too. Tell her it is hard on all of you and that you know what is wrong with the house but you will ALL have to do your best until you get into a bigger place.

You are so kind to take her in while you are pregnant and crowded and stressed out already. Good luck already.

Answer 6

you say you love your sister in law it seems you have an understanding and repecting bond between you both. Why don't you take her with her kid and yours to chipmunks or a park and then sit with a coffee and start the discussion with how you guys are dealing with you personal problems and tell her you feel sad that she (sister in law) has to go through all with you guys thank her for understanding (even though she doesn;t) and also sweetly let her know that what ever the house or your kids are like she has no option so all us have to live happily and understand each other.

Answer 7

tell her you appreciate the problems she is going through, since you share so many of them. Remind that complaining doesn't fix the problem - it only creates new problems. So she either needs to be patient until the situation changes, or help remedy the problem with positive solutions. Tell her that you love her and want to help her, but that she needs to be helpful as well.

Answer 8

Be honest with her. Tell her just as you have said it in your question. You both have problems and you are very kind to take her in in an already overloaded household. If you two can be friends and listen to one anothers thoughts, I believe you can make it until you get the three bedroom house.

Answer 9

well...let me see...either you can kick her out of the house or there might be a better solution

If I were you....I would tell her...here is the situation...we are living in hard times and she is not making it any better...tell her to clean the house and if she doesn't like the furniture...try to order herself...

one thing I have learned...you can empathise with someone but you can't feel what they feel...try to make her feel what are going through...otherwise she should be out of the house...

stress can affect your childbirth...and hey this life...someone has to learn the hard way

Answer 10

Hey,
you need to understand that there are people who deal with their problems in many different ways and i guess that her way of showing shes in problems is by complaining ect. So just try talking to her and tell her that itll be ok in a few months and that at least shes with you and not with someone else that is not family that might not consider her as much as you do.