A friend is offended she's not in my wedding...?

Question

When I originally put my wedding party together, it was only going to be 3 bridesmaids and they were all related. I had told one of my friends that. But after awhile, 2 more got added. They are not related but I am super close with them. Well I knew my friend Sonia was going to be doing my wedding dress alterations, and I sent one of my non related friends her way to have their dress altered by her too. Sonia told my friend that she is definately not going to my wedding because she thought we were closer than that. I'm worried because she all ready has my dress at her house! I'm not even suppose to know she is offened. What should I do? How should I tell her that I hope she's not offended by not being in my wedding? Do you think she'll hurt my dress? I'm mad myself because she would be so caddy to refuse to go to my wedding. Am I over reacting? Help please!

Answer 1

First of all, do not say anything to this person until you retrieve your gown. Once you have her gown, I would sit down with her and talk about this issue. The fact is, this is your wedding...and you may have whomever you want in your bridal party. For someone to get upset that they were not included is rather selfish on their part. I would hope that your friend will be able to realize that you want her to attend your special day but you are unable to add additional bridesmaids, you've already chosen.

Answer 2

Go talk to her and explain what you just told us, but add this. Tell her that since being a bridesmaid is so much work and she's already putting a lot of work into your dress, that you didn't think she would want the extra burden. You can say that you were really hoping she would be at the wedding because you're friends. And after all, what would happen if there was a dress emergency?

Answer 3

I would call up Sonia and tell her you'd like to take her out to lunch as a thank-you for all the help she has provided with the wedding.

I wouldn't bring it up, I'd see how she acts at lunch. I'm sure she will broach the topic in some roundabout way. (Plus, if shes in a public place, she isn't likely to be too defensive or rude). Her feelings are hurt bc she feels that your original reason for not asking her no longer holds true now that you've added more girls. If she brings it up I'd maybe drop in that you'd hoped to keep it small but you knew some of the girls would be very hurt and you are thankful she is so understanding. Thats a graceful way of handling it and she'll probably feel shamed for having gossiped behind your back.

Congrats on your wedding!

Answer 4

I think next time you go for a fitting casually work it into the conversation. Like if she asks "How is the planning going?" Say somthing like "good, but I'm sad because I have so many wonderful friends and I just wish I could have asked everyone to be a bridesmaid." If you are casual and bring it up first it will make her feel better because you are acknowledging the fact that you know she isnt in the wedding, but you wish she could have been. I'm sure that will smooth things over and lessen her hurt feelings. And as someone above stated be sure to make special mention at the reception during the speeches of her work on your dress.

Answer 5

Eeeeek. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I agree it's catty and you should be able to choose your attendants without any guilt.... however, I can understand how she would feel hurt, especially if she thinks you were lying when you originally said it would only be relatives. If you put yourself in her shoes, I'm sure you can imagine how it might feel to know that you're good enough to provide alteration services, but not good enough to be a bridesmaid. (And I certainly hope you're paying her for the alterations!)

I recommend giving her a call and telling her you need another fitting because you may have gained/lost weight, chose different undergarments/shoes, wanna see it with the veil/necklace, etc... whatever excuse is most logical for you.

Once you are there, tell her point blank you hope she's not offended that you didn't invite her to stand up for you... and CAREFULLY gauge her reaction. If you can't smooth things over to your satisfaction, or she's obviously intent on holding a grudge, take your dress elsewhere.

Answer 6

I had a friend who got married and I offered to do her dress. She had three bridesmaids: two close friends from school and her future sister-in-law. I didn't feel offended about it, because there were plenty of other friends she also didn't ask to be bridesmaids. If you already have five bridesmaids, I'm sure your wedding is rather large, and that several of your other female friends will be attending. Maybe you should highlight this aspect, making Sonia feel included, and maybe she will even come to the point of feeling honored to have been asked to help out.

Answer 7

I dont think she is being too cattie because she is obviously hurt by what she feels is a slight on your part, but I do understand your fear of her doing something to the dress. Are you paying her for doing the alterations? If so then she should be professional enuf not to do any harm to it, but to be on the safe side you should call her to see how the alterations are coming on your dress and if there has been progress, schedule a time to try it on. That way if she was immature enuf to do something you will have time to find another seamstress or get another dress and take care of the legal matters after the wedding.

Answer 8

You need to talk to her. She may have felt you were better friends than that and she is probably feeling hurt and left out. If she is your good friend, then you should explain your decision to her. Tell her that you heard she wasn't coming to your wedding and you feel sad because she is a good friend and you can't imagine her not being there to share in your special day. She should understand since this is your wedding. Unless she is totally irrational and immature, I doubt that she will do anything bad to your dress. Approach her about this as soon as possible and just make sure you get your dress back before the wedding so that you have time to find another if she does ruin it. Good luck!

Answer 9

I sure hope you are paying Sonia for all the alterations she is doing on your wedding gown and for the other bridesmaid. If you are not paying Sonia, then you better otherwise she is going to feel very used by you.

You trusted Sonia enough to handle your precious wedding gown and the bridemaid's gown, so you had to have a very good repore with her in the first place.

I don't know what to tell you about making things right between you and Sonia however, you are going to have to face her because you need to try on your gown.

Remember, if you weren't go to pay her you better do it now.

Answer 10

One of my former friends was upset I had no plans on putting her in my wedding. We barely knew each other and everyone else I want in my wedding has known me since 1993/1994 except the maid of honor who introduced me to the man I plan on marrying. I was also intending on paying her to do something for the wedding so it just didn't make sense to me that someone I was paying to do work would be in my wedding. Being a bridesmaid is a lot of work and rather expensive so I'd never be offended by not being in one. It means I get to enjoy the day and my friend without any extra stress or work. If she really throws a tantrum and you want to include her make her an usher or something.