suitable for texting to a friend who is having a sh*tty day.
2007-05-15 09:26:51 · 8 answers · asked by atty2b2012 1 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back.
3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
6. Never answer an anonymous letter.
7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better.
8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
9. Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours.
10. Few women admit their age; few men act it.
11. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
12. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"?
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes.
17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.
18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't.
20. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
21. Nuke the Whales.
22. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
2007-05-15 09:38:32 · answer #1 · answered by Stiffy 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
These are great for T shirts or buttons
"I'm only wearing black until they make something darker"
"My dog's favorite snack is my homework."
"Keep staring. I might do a trick."
"I'm not selfish. I just like things my way."
"It's Hard to Soar with Eagles, When Your surrounded by turkey's"
"Consciousness- That Annoying time between naps"
2007-05-15 09:56:30 · answer #2 · answered by Smart Kat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I used to do drugs, I still do, but I used to too.
Every once and a while I look up at the sky and smile for a satellite photograph.
My friend asked me if I want a frozen banana, and I said no. But then I realized I wanted a regular banana later, so...yeah.
I bought some dehydrated water, but I don't know what to add.
If you melt dry ice can you swim without getting wet?
For more, look up Mitch Hedburg or Steven Wright as they are the best source of one-liners. Steve Martin has some good ones too.
2007-05-15 09:38:13 · answer #3 · answered by Ryan_Hood 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
merely watch Kindergarten Cop. The action picture is done of one liners that are hilarious! Plus, Arnolds accessory + annoying guy photograph make it that plenty funnier seeing him get bossed around with the aid of a kindergarten type :-P
2016-11-23 15:13:00 · answer #4 · answered by camargo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is so darn cute until that one fart slips out ...after that it is all over !!!
2007-05-15 09:36:57 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how do you get 4 queers on 1 bar stool. turn it upside down
2007-05-15 09:37:41 · answer #6 · answered by boris the spider 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
lol
2007-05-15 10:09:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheer up. you are not dead ... yet!
2007-05-15 09:29:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋