A parenting question for Christians?

Question

My almost 2-year-old son holds me, as Mom, personally responsible for his frustrations and often acts out by hitting me. I follow the Super Nanny's method; get down to his level, firmly tell him that hitting is unacceptable and he will get a time-out if he continues. After time out, I explain what he has done wrong and he must apologize. I tell him I love him and we have hugs (he has come a long way and is usually pretty good at apologizing now).

Both Dr. Phil and the Super Nanny are against spanking, but it does say in the Bible, that spanking has its place (Proverbs 23:13-14). With time outs he will learn for the moment, but as soon as he gets angry he hits again! He started hitting before I ever spanked him, so I don't believe I taught him this, but time outs don't seem to work well enough, and I worry that spanking will encourage physically aggressive behavior. What do you think is the best way to deal with this?

Answer 1

Yes the bible does teach spare the rod spoil the child I think in general this is telling us to discipline our childs which doesnt necessarily mean spanking. I am not against spanking and have done it plenty but my boys now will ask for a spanking because it is quick and over with. I honestly scripture is basically teaching us to discipline our children. I think what you are doing is good for a 2 year old. Remember also they have short little attention spans...they cant remember what they got introuble for 5 minutes ago. My best advice is to always stay consistent. Always follow through. Once one behaviour is gone out of your life another will occur. They change and new things come about through out child hood. I would take a terrible 2s all over again if I didnt have to do 13 anymore LOL. If he hits...grab that arm and dont let go and explain that this is not nice and he cannot do this. As he gets older and begins to learn more about Jesus you can tell him how sad it makes Jesus when he is naughty. This has always had an affect on my boys because they really care about what Jesus wants and would do. He is a little young yet for that. I like having story books that teach things like being kind to your neighbor etc. Veggie tales has some great dvds on behavior issues kids have like loving your neighbor etc. Mom it is going to be a long haul. Before you know you will not have to worry about hitting but have to worry about purity and other issues they face. If I didnt have my faith and prayer I dont know how I would ever survive being a mom. Just always follow through and you will have success. Your son is a normal 2 year old boy and I have yet to see one yet that does not go through the hitting stage the ones not taught are the ones who continue to do it. I like your method and I use Nannys methods myself alot. God Bless and email anytime if you ever need some boy advice.

Answer 2

i am a devote Christian and in my personal opinion I think spanking does hold a place. I think that if a child is doing something wrong where they don't have the congnative ability to understand what an apology is or understand the whole conversation that follows, a quick spanking is appropriate. It is not intended to hurt the child, but more to get their attention and to say "Hey, stop that!" Once they can understand what they are doing wrong and know that that action has consequences then it should be taken care of without spanking. But, I think it is a personal choice. You don't want to no do it b/c everyone says not to and have a wild child. So, it depends on the situation.

Answer 3

It is a personal choice, and not an easy one. That being said, I was spanked and did not grow up to be agressive or hostile or a bully. I knew I was being spanked because I was bad. I don't think we give our kids enough credit...they KNOW what a spanking is for and it is not going to send "mixed messages." Have you had a look at society today? It is pretty awful...kids have no respect...I don't want to generalize and lump all children into the same catagory, but things today are different from when I was a kid (and it wasn't all that long ago)because parents today aren't allowed to discipline their kids. Parents should be able to discipline their children the best way they see fit...and if that calls for a spanking then you absolutely should. Time outs don't work...at least not for my kid, she gets up from a time out exactly the way she went down...defiant. I should point out, while spankings are ok in some circumstance, it shouldn't be the ONLY discipline....

Answer 4

When a parent lets a child's bad behavior go on and on till the parent is angry, THEN disciplines by spanking - yes, that can be abusive, and could possibly result in aggressive behavior. Kids are going to copy what they see.

When a parent disciplines appropriately, this does not cause aggressiveness in the child. When a child directly challenges your authority [direct disobedience, hitting you, running the other way when you call, refusing to hold your hand, etc] then he does need a few swats. When he has just done something childish and irresponsible [dropped or broken something, lost a shoe, gotten a bad grade], these are not offenses for which any kind of punishment is called for.

Answer 5

i believe in spanking, but I use it only when the time out is not working any longer. Don't use your hand to spank, use something else to spank them with instead of hand, if you decide to use that method cause then they will think hitting is ok. If you have something else to use then they will know that it is used only when I am getting a spanking. And it won't come across to that child that you are hitting them. There are many forms of discipline and you need to find the one that works best for your child

Answer 6

Spanking a child is not the same as hitting. Punishement involves two folds. In order to be efficient, they have to understand that they are being punished for bad behavior. You should not haul off and hit your child without them understanding why...to me that is unjustified because they haven't a clue. However, some will say that you are punishing hitting with hitting, but you are the parent and as long as you explain to them what is going on, it is a proper form of punishment. One crosses the line into abuse when they leave marks or let the amount of punishment be judged by their level of anger. Two swats on a backside is meant to get their attention which is something that most parents cant accomplish with screaming/yelling or sitting them down in a corner. If one says that you teach your child to hit because you spank, then you also teach your child to scream because you use that tactic to get attention. Spanking is not a sin or against the law....and most kids that are not spanked are the ones that have little or no respect for authority as adults. Be wise...God gave us all brains so we could use them....so you know your limits.

Answer 7

As a christian i think there is nothing wrong with spanking your child . The Bible does say that spanking is acceptable you are correcting him not abusing him. Before you spank him you have to explain to him why you are spanking him. Trust me they don't stop loving you in the end they will appreciate it know i do my mom was firm and taught me right and wrong. if you continue to let him hit you he will think it all right and it is not he might someone else in the future so let it be you who disciplines him not other people.

Answer 8

You just have to be very consistent, whatever you decide to do. I think what you're doing now is great, but you just have to keep doing it every single time. Whatever punishment you use, keep the explanation thing, even when he's older. My parents sometimes spanked me, sometimes took away privileges, etcetera, but it was always the explanation and apology that I remembered most. And yes, it will take him a long time, at 2 he is testing limits like mad. Hang in there and be tough, mama! And remember at about 13 or 14 he will do the same thing, but be bigger and with a better vocabulary. :p

Answer 9

I have to say that I think spanking is a result of the parent's anger level and not a good move. How would you like it if the next time you make a mistake at work the boss hit you to make his point stick with you. You would likely start plotting your revenge. Hitting just gets more hitting. All toddlers pass through this stage-but if you show them it is ok to hit if you are mom or dad, then you will do little more than teach them how to bully others.

Answer 10

You are right in that spanking could provoke aggressive reactions, but his outbursts weren't learned, they just came from his frustrations at not being able to communicate effectively. As he matures, he'll understand more and more that hitting is unacceptable, but right now, it's nothing personal and you shouldn't really worry about it.

It's a phase most children go through-called 'the terrific twos...' but it is normal!