My family is not wealthy at all, my parents live paycheck to paycheck. My soon to be husbands family live very comfortable and are secure financially. He says its the bride's family who has to pay. My parents are struggling, even putting aside mortgage payments. Is this fair?
2007-05-15 06:52:04 · 39 answers · asked by Angela M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
You should not expect either family to pay for the wedding. You and your fiance should be able to come up with a saving plan or should wait until you are more financially stable and can pay for it yourselves. The easiest way to do this is to plan a more modest wedding!
My parents have 4 kids (2 grown, 1 in HS, 1 in college) and live off of a teacher's salary. My fiance's dad is Senior VP for a corporation. I would never DREAM of asking or assuming they would pay for our wedding.
2007-05-15 07:02:06 · answer #1 · answered by duritzgirl4 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your soon-to-be husband is correct; It's traditional for the bride's parents to pay for the wedding. Check out a late edition of a wedding etiquette book for who is expected to pay for what.
However, in this day and age, all things are possible and many couples foot the bill for their own wedding. Others elope and get married by a judge or minister at the parsonage which really involves little expense beyond the cost of the license and a payment to whoever officiates. I'm also sure there are instances where the groom's family pays a large share. Most parents would like to give their daughter the nicest wedding possible but it doesn't have to cost thousands to be nice.
BTW: please remember that it's not the size of the wedding that counts. That's only one day out of a marriage relationship that one hopes will endure for years. So I hope that you and your fiance can find a solution to this matter and get a good start to the long and happy marriage that I hope you will have.
2007-05-15 07:09:29 · answer #2 · answered by Kraftee 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tradition says the bride's family pay for the wedding and the groom's family pay for the rehersal dinner.
Since your family cannot pay and your finace's family (appears to be) not content in paying, why don't you and your finace pay? Do what you can do with the budget. Do an intimate little wedding. I always thought small and home-made weddings are the best.
Is it fair? I don't think fairness has anything to do with it. It's just a tradition. You don't have to follow it. Since you are an adult, your parents have no obligation to you or your finace.
Speaking of fairness, fairness is just a matter of point of view. It is not fair to the groom's family that you (seem to be) are expecting them to pay. They became well-off by their own effort. They worked hard for it. They, too, have no obligation to anyone. It is not their *problem* that your family is struggling. It is up to them if they want to volunteer.
I say this is a good time to really talk to your finace. Good, bad, or indifferent, you are now dealing with your soon-to-be family. If this is not a cooperative discussion, then you may have just uncovered possible issues. I am most concerned; however, you turned to YAHOO to resolve this issue rather than discuss it with your fiance. What is this a sign of?
2007-05-15 07:08:41 · answer #3 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
That old thing about the bride's parents paying for the wedding is obsolete, and antiquated! That comes from the days where they gave the guy a dowry to get the girl off their hands.
Nowadays the right thing to do is have the wedding the couple can afford to pay for themselves. If one family or the other chips in, it is a favor. Or a loan!
2007-05-15 09:51:38 · answer #4 · answered by danashelchan 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its the brides family that supposed to pay so talk to your soon to be husband and let him know how things are with your parents and if he isnt helping with the money issue call the wedding off
2007-05-15 07:13:12 · answer #5 · answered by mommyandbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
traditionally it is the brides family who pays for the wedding ceremony, reception, flowers, cake and the bride pays for gifts for her attendants. The grooms family pays for the rehearsal dinner and the groom pays for the rings, his tux, gifts for his groomsmen, the minister's fee and the honeymoon. However, today many couples are already living on their own by the time they get married, so they are the ones that usually pay for it with both families helping out as they can afford to. Just tell your fiance that since your parents cannot afford to help out that you will have to wait until you both have money saved for a smaller ceremony. Congrats.
2007-05-15 08:52:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The mature thing to do would be to pay for the wedding yourselves. If you are planning to be married to this man for the rest of your life, you don't want to make any enemies among the in-laws right out of the gate. If you have a job and he has a job, there is no reason you can't pay for your own wedding. Lots of couples do. If he still insists your parents pay for it instead of the two of you, I'd reconsider whether he really is good husband material.
2007-05-15 06:58:32 · answer #7 · answered by Emily Dew 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just pay for your own wedding.. That is what I am doing. I have my friends helping me with food. My fiance's friends are helping with set up and decorations. We are having the wedding in my soon to be bro in laws back yard, with just close friends and some family. The best part is one of my good friends is going to perform the ceremony!
Keep it simple. This is supposed to be a happy time, don't get bogged down by stuff you won't even remember down the line...
2007-05-15 08:19:21 · answer #8 · answered by Jules 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Traditionally the brides family pay for the wedding ecause they are basically bribbing the man to take their daughter off their hands. This was the old fashioned way. These days either the parents share the cost of the wedding or the bride and groom themselves pay for the wedding and so on. And to be honest it annoys me deeply that your fiance is pushing that your parents pay for the wedding when he knows the situation. You need to inform of what i said above about the brides parents bribbing the groom to take their daughter off their hands and see if he realizes thats why the old tradition is that way. If he still feels the way he does then I would say hes not much of a man.
2007-05-15 06:59:35 · answer #9 · answered by Ashley Oasis 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
traditionally it is the bride's father who pays for the wedding and the husband who pays for the alcohol. But over the years this has changed allot. I think depending on the bride and grooms age, they should pay for their own wedding. Save and agree to something you can both afford
2007-05-15 07:58:21 · answer #10 · answered by Sam S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋