My bf now ex bf have been dating 11 months now.....well prom this weekend would have been 11 months ...i broke up with him four days before prom....now the details...my family and friends have been thinking i was in a mentally abusive relationship and it def. wasnt healthy we faught everyday and the signs were there...however when i broke up with him he has done everything possible to prove to me he can change my heart wants to be with him and now that he has saw the whole big picture give him that one chance(during the reltionship i have given him soo many)...well my parents are soooo against us being together and are like tellhim to give him your space and i was thinking for what so i can decide that i cant give him that chance..we ahve always told eachother we would fight for eachother and its impossible now he put flyers up on peoples car at my school saying he would treat me better but my parents say thats manipulation and he cant come on school grounds bc my mom reported it.help!
2007-05-15 06:41:49 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I am a senior and valevictorian going to Albany College of Pharmacy i love my bf soo much and my heart isnt into the breakup ...My parents however have always controlled every relationship i have ever been in...I understand that they are trying to do whats best for me but its like i dont have a choice in the matter whatsoever...its just if i dont put this last effort into the relationship i will never know
2007-05-15 06:57:36 · update #1
sucks for you.
2007-05-15 06:45:56 · answer #1 · answered by Bethany 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
It does sound like your ex boyfriend is too controlling. He is only going to "change" (or appear to change) as long as you are apart. The minute the two of you get back together, he will go back to his old ways. He is manipulating you and putting flyers on the cars at school could border on stalking.
A healthy relationship is not one where you fight everyday and you admitted you were seeing the signs that it wasn't a healthy relationship.
2007-05-15 06:48:48 · answer #2 · answered by Jen 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you LIVE in Albany, NY or are you going to be MOVING to attend Pharmacy College (I live near Albany --22 miles away)...if you ARE going away, then take the summer off from this guy and see what else is out there---then go to college---you will be 18 soon and away from home and your parents will have MUCH LESS CONTROL of your life... IF, you find you still love each other after you start college and you are SURE that he has changed, then pursue it THEN... you said your parents were controlling and from what I gather your Boy Friend tried to control you also ("we fought every day").... it would do you good to get away from BOTH controlling types (going to college) and give it a rest for a while until you are more sure of YOURSELF first.... good luck at ACP... it's a good school. ....
2007-05-15 07:04:12 · answer #3 · answered by LittleBarb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me like he's a little bonkers. Seriously...fliers on cars??? There's not a sale on hot dogs at the supermarket...its your personal business. He has no right to embarrass you by putting fliers on peoples cars. That's not cool. Listen to your parents. They're the only ones that are always going to be there for you no matter what. Trust me. I've been through the same thing with mine. Thought I hated them for trying to ruin my life. All they want is what's best for you though. I'm 26 now and realize how important listening to my parents was. Just trust them and give yourself some time to be away from the crazy ex-boyfriend. You deserve to be treated like gold. Love is supposed to be happy...not always fighting. Especially only after 11 months. Good luck.
2007-05-15 07:23:10 · answer #4 · answered by geminiqtpie22 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By reading it half way through id say you know what give it another chance. But by the time i got to the end of this question i say just listen to your parents they know what is good for you and all they are tryign to do is move on. As you said you gave him many chances. Can you really see him changing?
To me he seems a bit obsessive and that is a very bad thing, i say just stay away from the guy, he wasn't making you happy and you broke up. Now he needs to move on.
2007-05-15 06:47:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Typically the way abusive relationships works, is the abuser abuses until the abused walks away. The abuser then turns around, regains trust, etc. until you get back together again. The abuser will be great for awhile allowing you to regain your confidence and then start abusing again, and the cycle will continue. This will happen until you finally walk away for good, so it's up to you how long it'll be till you really get over it and move on with your life.
The other scenario is if the abuser is or turns violent and possible kills the abused.
2007-05-15 06:48:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a friend that dated a guy like that when we were in high school. From what you said, it sounded like an abusive realtionship. Now that my friend and I are older (we're 23 now), she sees how much of a jerk her guy was. Your family will neer want anything but the best for you. Take some time away from the guy and you'll figure out what is the best thing to do.
2007-05-15 06:46:19 · answer #7 · answered by Phoenixsong 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard to believe but your parents are just trying to protect you from something that could turn harmful. Why wasn't he willing to change while you were together? It does sound like he is being manipulative. I say on this one, listen to your parents and start dating again. Perhaps with time he will prove himself to be changed and you can date again. Give it some time and watch his actions.
2007-05-15 06:47:24 · answer #8 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
everyone can change however it's not likely in this situation with you see he already knows how to control you he already knows how to push your buttons if he's going to change as much as this may hurt you he's going to change for someone else later on in his life it may look and seem like he's changed for you now and he may really believe that he has but it's too soon after the break up he's just saying whatever he can to get you back things will end up going back to the way things were and sometimes worse your parents family and friends are not trying to impose on your life to much in this situation they are trying to make you see the light sometimes that light is so dim when you really love him and it's hard to see clearly but when you are standing in the wings it's so bright and you just try to protect that person think of it this way if this was happening to someone you really cared about what would you do to help them?
2007-05-15 06:55:03 · answer #9 · answered by sassysandyinmi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds too me like he has an particularly protective mom, to be trouble-free, there isn't something you're able to do yet to ask your boyfriend to speak to his mum approximately it and for him to purpose and confirm the subject. merely proceed to recognize his mom and be as incredible as you could, do not carry grudges against her, simply by fact a mom can consistently tell once you're, and she or he would be in a position to think of negatively approximately you. you're able to discover that the subject won't bypass away, yet you particularly won't be in a position to alter a guy or woman, you could basically substitute the style you cope with them. i'm hoping this helps you mate, best of success.
2016-11-23 14:39:07 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find another guy. Your parents are only looking out for your best interests. I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but it does sound like this guy is obsessive and controlling. If it's meant to be it will happen. No need to commit yourself to just one guy at such a young age.
2007-05-15 06:47:24 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋