my ex boyfriend tells me he wants to kill himself, what do i do?

Question

My ex bf is coming on holiday with me and my family in the summer for 2 weeks, we split up about 5 months ago, i finished with him because i changed my mind about what i wanted. we'd been going out about a year but had been very close for about 6 years.
Now everything has changed, he's totally changed. For the last five months hes been going on about how he still loves me and wants me back and that his life is over now if he cant have me. He's dropped out of uni and doesnt want a job and he is totally depressed but refuses to see a doctor when i ask him to.
he has told me that he cant take any more and wants to kill himself. but he has told me his family dont know anything about this and think me and him still get on.

i have a new bf now who i am really happy with and we have been going out for a month. but i just cant handle what my ex is putting me through and i dont know how to sort this because i never want him back now after this and i have told him so. What can i do??

Answer 1

He needs professional help. Find him a therapist because you're a good friend. You might want for him not to go on the vacation with you and your fam.

Answer 2

If someone threatens suicide you need to take them seriously, always. You need to get him some help A.S.A.P. In social work, the only time that a counsellor is allowed to break confidentiality is when the person threatens to harm themselves or someone else.

Your ex may be upset if you tell his family about the situation at first, but eventually when he gets well he will come around.
Your ex may have an undiagnosed mental illness such as depression, bi polar ect... this is not a normal response to a breakup. Something else is happening here.

Try talking to his family and explaining your concerns and stress that he needs help right now...there are mental health crisis hot lines you can call that can that can direct you to the services offered in your area.

Also, how do you feel about your ex bf going on holiday with you and your family? How does your new boyfriend feel about this?
I realize that you have been close in the past but perhaps given his current mental state it may or may not be the best plan as things may be very awkward between you.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Physically, nothing. Usually when someone says they're going to take their life it's just a ploy to get you back. When you speak to him, reverse the situation. Ask him if he loves you so much why doesn't he want to see you happy? Tell him that love is unconditional. Tell him you value his friendship greatly, even more than when you had your romantic stint. Tell him that taking his life will not gain him your heart. It will lose his life, his family, and you too. Also, check w/ his family. If he hasn't told them about you two and he's "depressed" they are probably wondering why. Just say in a very caring manner that his behavior is concerning you and you want to know how he's doing at home. I say that because he could be playing this role w/ you and going home like everything is ok. That may be why he doesn't want them to know. What if his family doesn't know this is happening? If you do talk to them let them know what he's said and that you don't want to jeopardize your relationship, but he needs help and you've exhausted your avenues. Check w/ his family and Good Luck.

Answer 4

Dis-invite boyfriend from holiday. Explain this to your family. Don't let him come with you it'll be awful.

Tell both your family AND HIS about suicide threats too - this is a sign of a sick, controlling, manipulative little man and it's good you took a fresh look at him. Make sure your family supports the break up and insists that he leaves you alone.

Quit stringing him along. Don't take his calls. Return letters. Change your computer ID. Refuse to see him. Again, dis-invite him from the holiday.

Do it now!

Tell his parents that he's dropped out of school, you've broken up and all the things he wants to keep secret. THey need to know. THis is NOT snitching. This guy needs help - help you can't give him.

If you don't believe me, think about the students at Virginia Tech who survived the massacre. This guy is walking down the same path.

Answer 5

Here's what might be going on:

1) He's being a drama queen. ("Oh-h-h, look at me, I'm so-o-o-o-o-o unhappy! I'm the unhappiest person that ever lived! If Shakespeare were alive, he'd be writing about me!")

2) He's trying to emotionally blackmail you. ("See how unhappy YOU are making me? How can you possibly live with the guilt? A decent, caring person would get back together with me!")

or 3) He really is clinically depressed and possibly considering suicide.

If the latter, and his family really isn't aware of your breakup with him...

...then you need to talk with one or both of his parents. Tell them, calmly and honestly, what's going on so they can take appropriate steps to try and get him counseling and help.

And you need to do that for THEIR sake, not for your ex-boyfriend's. HE'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE. His troubles are his own, and it's his family who should be worrying about him now, not you.

Also, you wrote "My ex bf is coming on holiday with me and my family in the summer for 2 weeks."

WHAT? Why, in God's name? Bad idea, very very bad idea, even if he's just being a drama queen. The way he's acting, he will make you miserable every minute of every day of those two weeks. Why would you want to spend two weeks letting someone make you miserable? Explain to YOUR family (do -they- know what's going on?) why your ex-bf shouldn't come with them.

Answer 6

That is not one of your responsibilities anymore as tough as that sounds.
Inform his parents or someone he's close to about it.
I also think he's just threatening you and putting pressure on you so you will come back. I don't think he would actually kill himself but you never know thats why it's important you inform someone so he can get psychological help.
That is no base for a good relationship and I don't think anyone could have a good relationship with someone who has mental issues like that.
It is totally normal that you want to be happy with your new boyfriend.
I don't know if I got that right but I would surely not take him on vacation with you that will only put up his hopes.Tell him you are sorry but you can't be with him anymore.

Answer 7

They biggest thing that you can do is tell his family so they can help him. I had a bf that did the same thing and the best thing that I did was I let him know that life goes on and that he will find someone new in time. If you really thinkr that he is going to kill himself, you need to inform a police officer or a mental health doctor so he wont hurt himself. Plus for him to get over you, you need to stop contacting him until he is stable. Best Of Luck

Answer 8

First tell your family that you don't want a nut going on vacation with you. Hopefully they will listen. If not refuse to go.
Tell his family about the things he has stated to you . ONLY THE FACTS no exaggerations. This man my need some serious mental help and you are not doing him any favors by hiding this from his family.
Sounds to me like he might be emotionally abusing you with his "poor me" attitude. Don't buy into it. Tell your family what has been going on and that you would appreciate their support . Good Luck with the new guy:)

Answer 9

Tell his family. It sounds like he needs help and now, but it's not your responsibility anymore. If he means it, his family will help him. If he's just doing it for your attention, he will be embarrassed when his family finds out and hopefully snap out of it in a hurry.
Don't let him ruin your new relationship.

Does he really have to come on vacation with you? How is your new BF going to feel about that?

Answer 10

Man, you really need to tell him to f*** off!! THis dude is trippin bad! i have been through the same thing and he finally went away...tell him you have had enough and you are moving on with your life now and he needs to do the same.
Change your phone number. He has authority issues. YOu say no and he says yes and he dont like that you wont take him back so he is trying to make you think that if you dont take him back then he will die....soooo romeo and juliet.
Dont blame yur self for what he is doing. its not your fault. he is trying to trick you into loving him again. Let him kno that it wont work anymore you are happy with who you are with and life must go on. GOod LUck with your stalker.

Answer 11

First of all, WHY are you going on vacation with this guy? If you're broken up AND you have a new bf, there's no reason to be still hanging out with your ex, let alone spending a vacation with him. Second, you need to contact your ex's parents and tell them what's going on. They will thank you! Don't put all of his problems on your shoulders. It sounds like he's very depressed and he's obviously showing suicidal tendencies. He needs help, but you don't have to be the one to help him. Call his parents right away.