Has anyone ever given up a child for adoption, or signed away parental rights?

Question

What were your reasons for doing so and how did you feel about it later on down the road?

Answer 1

I placed my son for adoption 1 yr. and 9 mos. ago. I was already a single Mom and really struggling. I felt really guilty that my little girl didn't have a Daddy around and I wasn't getting any shild support for her. I wanted my son to have both a Mom AND a Dad and to be well taken care of. It was the MOST DIFFICULT decision I've ever had to make. I love being a mother and to not raise my own son seemed impossible to think about. I was scared that he wouldn't have stability without a Mother/Father situation. It was already obvious to see the effect this was having on my little girl. It took a lot of praying, and up all night crying to find an answer. I actually had second thoughts after he was born and kept him with me for a week before I actually placed him. I cherish that time I was able to spend with him. The adoptive couple I picked out had EVERYTHING going for them that I wanted for myself and children. They were a ton like me in their interests, hobbies, and appearance. I was able to pick them out. I met them before placement and it was almost like I'd always known them and we connected. To this day I get e-mail, pictures and cards. They have become like family to me. When my son grows up and asks about me they will be able to answer any questions he has. They have a picture of me and his sister in his room and he will grow up knowing where he came from and how much I love him. I wrote him a letter shortly after he was born for him to read when he's older. It was very difficult in the first days after placement but time helped me heal. Whenever I see how happy he is in his pictures I know I made the right choice. I did it out of love for him. I put him first. My feelings had to come second. He was innocent in all of this and deserved the very best family!!! I didn't want him to not have everything the world has to offer just because I made poor decisions in the past. I didn't give him up....I gave him more.

Answer 2

yes i gave a child up when i was 21 years old. there were many reasons that i did it. i was 21, the childs father was a no good abusive bum, the list of reasons goes on and on. my adoption was really a very good situation for me personally, i was able to do a family adoption i had relatives on an adoption waiting list, but i will stress that even though it was a family adoption it didnt make it any easier and it does not give you any more rights then if you choose someone you do not know. but my family has been able to watch this child grow up and my parents are still grandma and grandpa. i have never regretted giving him the life i did, he wants for nothing and at 21 years old i didnt know if I would ever be able to give him a father and siblings so i did it the only way i knew how. there is one factor of a family adoption that people need to really think through: the relatives that are taking your child are the parents and you must not interfere in the way the child is raised you have to sit back and not tell them how to do their jobs as parents and that is exceptionally hard especially as i get older and see what i would do differently. and although i dont regret giving him this life, 14 years later i look at him and i think i could have done it. im married now with a beautiful baby girl but in my heart i did right by him.

Answer 3

Wow, that's a loaded question! I personally have not, but I have been involved with working with children who were either adopted, or going thorough the process of (TPR) Termination of Parental Rights, and worked with their parents as well in this process. Each situation was/is very different. Each had their own reasons for voluntarily giving up parental rights, or not voluntarily. I have seen (down the road) great outcomes and not so great outcomes, it all depends on the people involved and doing what is in the truly best interest of the child. I would suggest you talk with a counselor/therapist, if this is the situation you are in because each person has their own situation and ways to deal with them. You could also call an adoption agency for help with this counseling. I commend anyone who even considers adoption as an alternative; because it takes the strongest and most loving type of parent to be totally selfless and let their child go in order for them to have the opportunity to bring love and joy (and receive it too) to someone else's home, who is ready to be parent(s).

Answer 4

Yes, you can. I depends on which state you live in for the child support. In some states you will still have to pay until the child is 5 years old. There's also an abandonment law if you havent' provided support in 6 months. I would think long and hard before making a decision like this. A child is a life, a beautiful miracle, and she's half you. Are you sure you want to give up watching her grow into a beautiful young woman? It's not about you and the mother. It's about the child. Please just think about that, and I will pray for you and your daughter.

Answer 5

I gave birth to a baby girl in 1965. At the time, adoption was the only answer, I could not care for a baby and my parents had enough to take care of 7 others besides me. At the time I did not regret it because God willing she got a wonderful home. This was a private adoption through my Doctor. I will say by 1969, when I had my first son, I deeply regretted my decision. I miss her dearly and wonder about her daily, I have 3 sons no daughters. She is now 42 years old, I still pray for her and am still hopeful someday she will find me. A mommy missing her baby.

Answer 6

I did. At the time I was at a loss as to what else to do, and instead of someone stepping in and guiding me properly as to coming up with real solutions I bought into the myths of adoption. I did the best I could though given the circumstances and the coercion. Now that I'm eleven years past that choice, you could say I now am the mythical "bitter birthmom'' not that it really exists.

I know this isn't a very detailed answer, but if you are looking for common answers to this question you should read this study that the Evan B Donaldson Adoption Institute published recently.

Answer 7

Me personally never gave a child up for adoption, but I know people who did. My cousin was about 16 and got pregnant. She never would have an abortion, so another choice for her was to put her son up for adoption. [she had a healthy baby boy] She had chosen to give her baby up for adoption because she thought it was the best thing for the baby. & it was. She was young & still in school & it would be really hard for her to take care of her baby. She was still just a baby. She found an agency & parents for her son. She wanted him to have the best life so she put him up for adoption. She gets to see him when she wants as long as the adotive parents say it's okay. She gets pictures & still is a part of her son's life even though she's not with him everyday. She's told me part of her is upset for giving the baby up but it was the best thing to do for the baby. If your puting a child up or signing away parental rights I am pretty sure it is possible for you to still be able to see the child. I hope this helped.

Answer 8

I have never personally given up a child. I have both a daughter and a sister who gave birth and have given the babies up. Each person has their reasons and at the time are good reasons. My daughter was young and though she thought she was ready to have children, found out that she was not, and instead of subjecting her baby to who knows what, she decided that by giving her baby up for adoption, she was actually giving her child a chance for a better life than what she was going to be able to give it at this time. My sister was suppose to be getting married and the guy, she found out later, was not the person she thought kicked him to the curb and therefore she felt that trying to raise a child by herself was not fair to the child. She actually got to pick the parents based on her nationality, religion, etc., by looking at the adoptive parents papers. So she actually had a big hand on picking the type of people she wanted to raise her baby.

Answer 9

Yes I have and the reason for this was because children's aid made it very difficult for me to continue to fight for them so I decided that they would be better off with a loving family instead of being changed from foster home to foster home if I had kept fighting which I was for about a year. So now its been about 2 1/2 years since they have been adopted and they are happy and that keeps me sane and also GOD has helped me through the hard times. And I am now 6 months pregnant and in better situations and I'm going to keep this child, I know much more than I did before and I'm a bit older and my lifestyle is way more stable than it was before like 2 yrs ago. Hope this answers you question. Thanks

Answer 10

Yes, I was 16, abandoned by father and bullied by family. I was also lied to by the adoption agency. Unfortunately, wealthy infertile couples are still harvesting infants from naive, young and poor white women and adoption agencies have every incentive to make sure those wealthy couples get their healthy white baby. I am totally sympathetic for couples who were trying to have children in their 20s and couldn't. My brother and SIL couldn't have children and knew that by the time she was 23. They were also unable to adopt due to her diagnosis with MD. But 17 year olds shouldn't have to come up with thousands of dollars to get back their child when the law says they have 6 months. There is NO couseling other than to give up your baby. That hasn't changed.

I recently found my now adult son and started that rocky road. There are many things about that family that upsets me terribly, but of course, that is now water under the bridge. Just remember that your child could be sharing a home with a drunk (his adopted grandfather) or a repeat drug addict (his adopted uncle). While his parents weren't abusive, people they allowed to live in their home were. Am I bitter? You bet.

Answer 11

My ex husband signed away his parental rights to our 1 month old son when we decided to get a divorce, because he (my ex) was gay and didn't want our son to be "corrupted" by his "sins". (Those are my ex's words pretty much exactly!). Then, a little more than a year later he lied about the reason that he signed his rights away so that he could try to get rights back. After he found he had no proof (duh!) he dropped the case. Now, my current husband will be adopting my son this coming up fall! I think my ex was not ready to deal with a newborn, and so was more than happy to rid himself of that responsibility, but when my son started getting bigger and did more things, my ex regretted his decision. Also, he got "remarried" to a man and that man wants kids, so I think that's another reason he tried to get rights back.