Suggestions PLEASE! My former employers (small mom & pop company), who after working for them for over 8 years have become more like family to me. I moved out of state a couple years ago but, keep in touch with them all the time.
My problem.... her mom was kinda like my daughter's great-grandmom. While we didn't spend a WHOLE lot of time together, her mom and dad always thought of us like family. Her mom is in her 80's and is ready to 'go'. She's been ill for sometime and she's tired and is ready.
I CAN'T do funerals! After my dad died and I went to his funeral it's just been something I cannot do. Now, since I live 1800 miles away I do kind of have an excuse (I feel awful for saying that) but, what do I do??? How do I show my support and sincerest sympathy when I don't want to be there???
2007-05-15 04:49:32 · 13 answers · asked by whatchagonnado 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Here is my suggestion:
I was on Active Duty with the US Armed Forces when my own parents passed on ... and had to take emergency leave to bury them
What my office did was to take up a small collection, and yes, to deliver an arrangement to the funeral home. Also .. if they have a favorite charity of the individual being memorialized .. then a donation to that charity (with a sympathy card) is best.
You do NOT need to feel obligated to attend in person. Sometimes, it is best to just grieve in a way that allows you to remember the person best -- whether it is through remembering their laughter or courage, their caring nature, or anything else ... and some folks find it very difficult to attend funerals in person (because it affects them badly).
So work with your memories, find out the person's favorite charity and when they finally do pass on, make a memorial donation to that favorite charity on their behalf. So much better to remember the person's vitality and caring nature with Charity donations.
2007-05-15 04:59:08 · answer #1 · answered by sglmom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I work at a funeral home and sending flowers is a very nice idea. We also try to encourage people to send a donation, if the family has picked a special memorial contribution. My only suggestion would be to send a plant arrangement rather than cut flowers. If the individual is going to be buried in a cemetery, sometimes the family members will choose a pot of flowers that can be placed at the burial plot or something that can actually be planted in the cemetery. Traditional funeral arrangement pieces usually get tossed away because they die rather quickly.
2007-05-15 05:03:27 · answer #2 · answered by charlie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think the best way is to communicate just what you said in your statement above with some changes and refinement. It's truthful and meaningful. There are alot of people like you. Me too. Rather than think of excuses that you may get caught up in later on, I would formulate in your mind a way of explaining your feelings, based on your history and past experiences, and that your absence from the funeral is not intended to be disrespectful, because you are grieving from afar for this person who was very special to you. You have things that have happened to you, or that have affected your feelings about funerals. Think of that background and try to summarize it either orally over the phone or in a letter, but you need to combine a little history of your thinking coupled with your true inner feelings of loss for the person you speak of. That's what I'd be thinking of doing anyway.
If that's not desirable or comfortable, then you may have to resort to an excuse. It may be that you are attending to an elder and have no one to replace you, or are saddened by the recent passing of another special person and have obligations to that family at the same time.
2007-05-15 04:58:13 · answer #3 · answered by nothing 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Silence is abandonment. Call the local grocery store and have them send some stuff for when the people arrive at the house to give their condolences. Paper plates, disposable cups, picnic cutlery, napkins, a flat of soda, a meat tray, or a fruit tray, anything that expresses that you are thinking of the family and how they are feeling. They will get more than enough flowers from everyone else.
2007-05-15 05:08:16 · answer #4 · answered by The Y!ABut 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send a nice flower arrangement with all the names of your family on the card.
A few weeks after the funeral go down for a visit.
Hope this helps.
2007-05-15 04:53:25 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Yes Im K.A.B's Mommy :)♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send them a card with a letter telling how you felt about 'great-grandmom', how special she was to you & your daughter, some fond memories of her.
They will truly appreciate your thoughts.
Funerals are for those who need them & who want to go. No one should ever feel that they 'should' go to one. Only go if you feel you can gain or give solace when there.
2007-05-15 05:02:52 · answer #6 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could send a flower arrangement or a donation if they have designated any kind of charity to benefit. Sorry, only thing I can think of. People that couldn't make my grandfathers funeral sent flower arrangements or donations to the Shriner's sincehe was a part of that.
2007-05-15 04:55:10 · answer #7 · answered by Phoenixsong 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF it is financially possible you should make yourself go. Main reason being is BECAUSE you have a hard time w/ them.
I know her death is sad... but you also said she lived a long life and is ready to go.
Perhaps this is just the one to make it a little easier on you.
If not, send flowers and a nice card and send them your prayers.
Good luck w/ whatever decision you make!
2007-05-15 05:05:00 · answer #8 · answered by shihtzugirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can make a phone call and let them know how much she meant to you and how much you are thinking of them at this time and also have a beautiful basket full of either flowers or fruit or other items delivered to them OR you can pay them a short visit before she passes . I am sure you appreciated having loving family and friends around you at your difficult moment.
2007-05-15 09:16:18 · answer #9 · answered by trinigirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send flowers along with a nice card.
2007-05-15 04:53:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋