how do u unsuppressed emotions,?

Question

all my life untill 19yrs old I have had Autism, so i never express emotion, my mum hates me and wants me dead cause i dystroyed my parents marraige by being born, my dad is a drug dealer and cause i was born he got caught and sent to jail, and I have been in 38 foster homes, rejected by a total 39 familys and when i was 16 i got back in contact with my dad and after i lent him $3000AU and after i ran out of money i was useless to him and my life ended that day now every day the emotions of every bad thing thats happend to me creep up like a snake sqweezing me tighter and tighter my life feeling darker and lonlier and everday it feels more empty and dead. and being an ugly useless **** dos'nt help either

Answer 1

There are 2 things about your question that make me question it's validity: first, if you're autistic how likely is it that you'd be writing this and second, where did you get $3000 at the age of 16 to lend your Dad?

If this is real, there are a couple of things for you to consider. First, your mom doesn't hate you for being born. She hates herself and she takes it out on you. Second, your dad got caught and sent to jail because he's a drug dealer, not because you were born. Obviously he still doesn't take responsibility for his actions and uses anyone to get what he wants. Again, that's not about you, it's about him.

Your life didn't end the day your dad rejected you. You're still alive and you have the ability to make something of yourself. The best way to deal with all the emotions that are built up inside you is to start writing. You may need several books worth of paper but just start writing and don't stop until you can't think of anything else to write about. Write all the words that run through your head. Write the emotions that you feel. Write large and angry and small and weepy. Allow yourself to feel every emotion that comes up, put it on paper and then let it go. Allow yourself to cry as much as you need to. Crying is not a sign of weakness, it's very healing. Because you have a lifetime of emotion built up, this will be a long process but it's important that you begin it. And do it every day. This will give you a steam valve to release some of the pressure little by little to avoid a huge explosion.

Once you've completed this process you'll find room inside to start seeing the positive things about yourself. And you may be surprised to find just how many positive qualities you have. You're life is not over, it's just beginning and you have the ability to make it anything you want it to be.

There's a lot of damage to be repaired. Be gentle with yourself. You're not ugly and you're not useless. Continually tell yourself that the things your parents said and did were never about you. Those things were always about themselves and their dissatisfaction with themselves. Rejection is a hard thing to deal with. Don't reject yourself. Your parents didn't reject you, they rejected the idea that they don't deal well with life and they brought a child into this world that required more of them than they were able to give. It's about them, not you.

Once you complete your healing, you'll be able to help others heal who are in similar situations by telling your story. You'll see that you went through all this pain to help you learn and to help you develop compassion for imperfect people. Start with yourself. Develop compassion for yourself.

Once you've started to see the true you more clearly, you'll eventually find room to feel compassion for these two imperfect people who brought you into this world. And for the 38 other families who were unable to step up to the challenge you presented them with.

You are a teacher. You touched 39 families and showed them things they need to work on. Now teach yourself. See yourself as the great wonder that you are. That you could touch so many people in such a short time is miraculous. Be proud of who you are and work toward finding your own happiness. You are so much better than you know.

Answer 2

First off Jason, never believe that you are ugly or useless. That dark and lonely place you are in isn`t your fault! You were born into it. I`m soooo sorry that you`ve felt all this rejection in your life, BUT there is hope at the end of the rainbow. I love the boxing idea, also PLEASE see a doctor to help you deal with your autism and anxiety.Your Dad sounds like a total loser and your 19 yrs old now and don`t need him anyway. He will just continue to take advantage of you. He needs to stay locked up as far as I`m concerned. I know several very intelligent and successful autistic people and you can be one of them too! Sign up for some vocational classes in whatever interests you. You`ll make many new friends and have the support system that you need to be successful, but you will have to make the first move. Once you get started that snake that`s holding on to you will let go. Avoid your parents at all costs, they never did you any favors anyway by the sounds of it. You are very intelligent Jason and I have faith you can do this!!!!! Best of Luck to ya!!

Answer 3

You just expressed your emotions - even if it was only anger that's something right there,for an Autistic person translating what you feel is a science.

Fustration with your life is inevitable,the two main people who are suppose to support you and raise you have let you down and in your father's case his let you become the father.Anyone of us would be feeling like crap in this situation.
You have done nothing wrong.

Forget the foster families you are 19 now,I moved out of home at 16,go down to centrelink and see about getting a place on your own.

The only place I know of that you can get some free support from is a local mental health clinic.You really need to do that right now.Look it up in the White pages.

Otherwise visit the pyschology section on here or email me I know quite alot about autism/dyslexia and come from a violent household so I do understand.

and innerd people with Autism can write!

Answer 4

First in response to the answer above me.. there are several levels of autism. There are several people who are autistic who can function just fine in society.

See a therapist. Find something to get it out physically... in a constructive way. Like someone said boxing. You're not useless. You've just had tons of emotional abuse from people who don't understand autism or how to work with it or just because they're clueless. Learn to work with your autism. Don't think of it as a disability. You are not ugly no one is ugly. You're only ugly if you have a mean spiteful personality. You need to have someone to talk to so you don't have to keep your feelings inside. I know how it feels to have things like that eating away at you. It's best to find a therapist as most people have a hard time listening or listening without being judgmental. Plus a therapist could help you learn skills on how to work with your autism. Try to ignore what others say, I know it's hard I have a hard time with that myself. Do things that make you feel good about yourself.

Answer 5

sign up for a boxing class. it will let out all your emotions. it's like ur punching someone that u don't like and showing them whose boss. it lets out all the anger that u feel.