I need advice on how to handle another mother in my son's class.?

Question

My oldest son is in the 4th grade and a straight A student. He also has a very outgoing and loving personality. My problem is his best friend's mother. At one point she and I were good friends, but I have made a choice to back off on the friendship due to things I have found out that bother me. She is jealous of my son's accomplishments, and was very upset when her son told me she does his homework to help keep his GPA up. I have NEVER done my son's work for him. He earns his good grades. She has done Science Fair projects for the child, and of course it does well. I am tired of my son coming in 2nd to this child, but I refuse to compromise my ethics. She works at the school, and is trying to talk me out of volunteering next yr. This will not happen! Anyone have a similiar experience and how did you handle it?
Any serious thoughts, comments and advice would be appreciated. Thank you.

Answer 1

Hon! don't get involved in another persons child, if she wants to help him cheat! then that's her problem when he falls by the wayside academically, when she is not there to hold his hand! Just remember! your son is not really coming in second, is he? He's coming in first! because he is doing the projects using his brain, not yours! So let them go and concentrate on your own sons achievements at the school. Have a good day.

Answer 2

A lot of the people had really good answers. I think the best thing to do is sit your son down and explain there is different type of people. Good, bad and bearable. I am sure this is effecting your son's relationship with his friend. And that isn't the kids fault. But this mother is sitting up her child for future failure. But gets away with it because she is in your face by being at the school. I would also explain that just because the mother is helping this child to maintain a higher GPA, he your son is working harder and deserves credit where due. Tell the principle too, I'm sure there isn't much that can be done, but because she works in the school system, she should have a stern talking too. Sometimes we have to do what's best for the child, even lose a friendship.

Answer 3

Okay from a Christian perspectiv they are gonna disown ur son because this act is going to make him seem gay. Just hang in there and explain te situation. He's not gay he's just a kid copying something he saw on tv, and I'm sure it was a show he was watching when you guys weren't around. Lastly, you need to talk to him. Explain he's not supposed to e putting anything but food an water in his body and talk to him parents to son about the while emotional part

Answer 4

Keep in mind you are doing what is right by your child, and your son will be better for it in the long run. I also have a child in 4th grade, and although he requires a great deal of help with his homework, it would be a huge disservice to him to do it for him. As a parent who also works at the school, I know the importance of parent volunteers. Don't let this person dissuade you from helping out at school! You know what is right, clearly, and she unfortunately, does not. Continue to be a supportive mom, and know your child will benefit for a lifetime, thanks to your great choices. There is a lot of satisfaction in knowing the grades your child gets is the result of his hard work. Kudos!

Answer 5

This sounds terribly unjust. Considering she works at the school? And does her son's homework to keep up GPA...
hummm.

Possibly a conversation or note to a higher up is in order, (be prepared for backlash.) or send a note anonymously to bring attention to her behavior. Working in school and doing assignments for a child, does not seem appropriate by any means. What is the child learning from such behavior? Is it possible she is just helping him with his assignments or is she actually doing them?

If you were friends, at one time, just be honest with her about your feelings. What is there to loose, considering you wish to not continue your friendship anyway. Will she or is she in a position to take it out on your child? Then rethink how to approach. Do any other parents recognize a pattern in her behavior?> They also should bring to attention of her boss or PTA.

do hope someone has some good ideas, for you on how to approach this situation. Best of luck!

Answer 6

It's a difficult one, I wouldn't stop your son being friends with him, just remind him even if he comes in second to him you are proud of him as you know that every thing he has accomplised he has done it alone! Just remember your son is intelligent and other children may need a little more help! If it really is bothering you speak to the mother, or even the school, but I don't think I would speak to the school without speaking to the mother first, you may find that that there is a good reason he needs help!

Answer 7

I sort of have a similar problem with my best friend. Thing is with our friendship is that we are related also by marriage so hard to just break it off. Her son gets into some trouble at school. For example..he started a little food fight and she didnt know about it until I mentioned it. My son was in the cafeteria and saw the whole thing. When I mentioned it she asked her son immediately and he denied it and then went on to say he accidentally spilled his milk on this other kids as he slipped out of his chair. She asked me to tell my son to stop coming home with lies about her son. My son doesnt tell these stories to get him in trouble but he is worried about his cousin because kids pick on him badly because of his acting out for attention. It only gets negative attention. I asked my teacher friend about it and she said my son was telling the truth. I would have contacted the school had someone told me my son did this to see if its true. At the beginning of the school year I was told by my sons friend about the cousins behavior in class and that he was not turning in assignments and was flunking. Again I phoned my friend out of concern and she said not to believe everything other kids say and it was not true. 3 weeks later she got a call from the school guidance counselor because her son was getting an F in every class. She never said anything to me for accusing me of listening to gossip. I also told her he was not bringing his equipment to football practice and whenever I saw him at practice he would be sitting under a tree or just fooling around and again she wanted to know why I was lieing. She went to one of his games and wanted to know why he was benched...the coach told him he never has his equipment and never prepared for practice therefore he would not play in games. Again nothing was said to me. I dont tell her these things anymore because he lies really well. I figure she will find out on her own. So as far as your son goes....let him know that he is does come in 1st place in your eyes because he did the work himself. This mother will sadly regret what she is doing when her son gets older and can do nothing for himself. Sorry so long winded...Just dont waste anymore time or effort being concerned about this and do what is best for your child.

Answer 8

Wow. Well, I think you stay far away from this person. If she is willing to cheat for her son's GPA, what else is she liable to do? I would suggest explaining things to your son. It may be a good opportunity fir him to learn a serious ethics lesson. Other than that, I'd say, be cordial, professional, yet distant.

Answer 9

Just stay away from her. Your kids can be friends, the two of you don't need to be, just be polite. Just make sure you aren't harboring jealousy for her. Support your son, volunteer at school when you have time, and don't let her get to you. Keep quiet about it, and don't gossip about her.

Answer 10

Stand your ground & it might not hurt to let someone else in on the facts you have shared with us. Just to have an ally out there with you. Be selective as to who you befriend & devulge the info to. It never hurts to have another aware of your circumstances so someone can back you up in a situation.