In the beginning of our relationship, before we were married, my husband cheated with his ex(mother of his other children), while I was pregnant with our son. It never happened again, but me and the ex already didn't get along. Of course I resent her and slowly I began to resent their two children because of it. Every time I look at them I think of my husband and their mother together. I know its wrong to feel this way. Especially after my son was born, I only want it to be us three. I havn't really told my husband this but I think her sensed it because he hardly see the children anymore.(2 and 4). I asked him how come and he told me he doesn't want to lose me. Do I just not say anything and let it be or do I be fake and tell him I want him to have his children around more?
2007-05-15 00:21:14 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i have never asked my usband not to see his children and I have never expressed animosoity toward the children i just ignore/avoid them
2007-05-15 02:47:14 · update #1
You need to talk to him because it isn't fair that he doesn't see his kids (to him or the kids). Don't be that step-mother, PLEASE. It's understandable that you feel insecure about him having kids with his ex, but he's with you now. Don't hold it against the kids. How would you feel if he ignored your child because of another woman? Would you want that for your son? You need to talk to him and tell him how you feel and then the two of you need to find a way to work through it together. Like, maybe set up some special time for just the three of you to do special things...take your son to the beach or the zoo or whatever. And setup some date nights where just the two of you go out. He needs to know how you feel and he needs help to know what he can do to reassure that he loves you and wants to be with you. (Guys are dense and don't take hints, so you need to tell him what he can do to help you.) If you can't work it out between the two of you, a bit of couples counselling could help work this out and teach you skills to work out other problems in the future. Best of luck.
2007-05-15 00:44:11 · answer #1 · answered by princess_dnb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why in the world do your resent the ex-wife? It was your husband that cheated on you while you were pregnant. You should be resentful of him and not trust him.
You are a mother of a child and you know how important it is for you to have your husband around your child. Your husband has two young children that also need their father. If anything you NEED to rethink your ways and make him more comfortable so your husband spends time with his other two children.
The two children have a half-brother and they all need to know the other siblings.
Can you live with the fact that these two other precious young children cry for their father and you are the one holding the strings to their happiness? The children DID NOTHING to you at all. They are the innocent pawns in this family. REMEMBER it was your husband that cheated on YOU ... even if it was with the ex. Sure the ex was wrong BUY she is not married to you, YOUR husband is married to you.
I beleive in KARMA, what goes around comes around. Who knows, you maybe an ex one day and your son will be in the same position as these other two children.
Be mature, be a mother and think of these other two children needing their father.
2007-05-15 00:33:49 · answer #2 · answered by Patty G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your resentment is completely understandable, but it's an adult issue that shouldn't be taken out on innocent children. No matter how wretched THEIR mother is, (or even the acts of their father,) these are children who shouldn't be denied the opportunity to spend time with him, and you!
If you want to be vindictive, you could always strive to be the better "mom," and win the "most affection award" from his children! That's what I'd do!
2007-05-15 00:26:04 · answer #3 · answered by Jennifer D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fake it and have the children around more often. One, because your son has two other siblings that he should be allowed to see and spend time with. Two, your husband should be an active father with all of his children.
2007-05-15 00:55:09 · answer #4 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to seriously re-evaluate if you can remain married to him.
It is understandable that seeing their childer would make you feel this way, but it is not acceptable for you to request that he not see his other children and/or bring them around. That it totally selfish and small minded.
If you are this upset about the situation, then you are obviously not over it- thus you are not able to move on in your marriage in a healthy way. Maybe you need to be with someone else with whom you have a clean slate.
These feeling may go away with time, but not if you lob them off onto his children. That is displacement, and it's extreemly ineffective in dealing and resolving your problems.
You need to think this over. You also need to communicate your feelings to your husband, because if you don't- it will only create bigger problems that could be unresolveable completely.
It is true that he made a mistake and hurt you, but do not punish innocent children because of your own hurt. If you cannot work past your hurt/anger over your husbands actions then you need to move on.
2007-05-15 00:32:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to get over the fact that he cheated and tell him to be a man and let his two little kids come over to the house an dsee him. It is so wrong to take out what happend and only want him to spend time with your son. I think you are being selfisha nd should be ashamed of your self
2007-05-15 00:37:32 · answer #6 · answered by weeping_spirit 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SEEK therapy,trust in a situatio like this must be hard to
re-gain.Talk to UR huband, tell him how U feel.
2007-05-15 00:30:55 · answer #7 · answered by Klingon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋