How do I move foward after being raped?

Question

I was raped on Feb 24th. Since I've lost alot . I need to know how to move on.. I have searched for help through counseling etc but have continued to hit walls. I'm worried I will not ever be okay again and I'm not sure I am strong enough to keep going on at all and/or like this. Please help! (Serious answers only , others will be reported.)

Answer 1

I'm a rape survivor. Not a rape victim. I used to be a rape victim. Big difference.

You can stop feeling like a victim and become a survivor too. I'm not sure what you have done so far. But....

1) Prosecute if you aren't already. I don't give a diggety dog damn what the rapist(s) said to you. I don't care if they threatened you. Mine did. I listened. It was the most foolish thing I ever did. It made it harder for me to go from victim to survivor. Do everything you can to find your rapist if you don't know who it was and prosecute. Fight for your right!!!

2) I agree with taking self-defense classes. And keep taking them. If you can't afford the regular ones, check the YMCA. My daughter takes there and they are less expensive. Martial arts, women's self defense. Take everything you can get your hands on. Some places have free classes! Check your neighborhood papers, churches, etc. Look around. Dig them up. They are out there. Some have them for very small fees because groups of people get together and have someone that is a member of the group do it cheaply.

3) Get something to defend yourself from now on. I don't care what it is. But carry something that is legal that makes you know you are in control.

4) Find ways to deal with the pain that are your ways. I've seen on here that people want to tell you exactly what you should do. But you must find your way. Everyone else's way won't necessarily work for you. They are good ideas, but just because they worked for them doesn't mean they will work for you. Meditation might work for you. Might not. Prayer might. Might not. Does for me. You might get a lot from writing poetry. Other things that might help (as you go through the healing process there are levels of healing and you must find what works at each level) are:
working at a rape crisis center, helping with a rape awareness group (such as date rape, etc), teaching a self defense class to women, writing a letter to your rapist telling him how he made you feel(even if you don't know who it is and don't mail it), seeing a therapist, group therapy, reading poetry or a book written by someone who has been through the same thing, making a ceremony of burning the clothes you were wearing, visiting the scene and screaming and crying til you are all cried out(something I did), anything else you can think of.
Something NOT to do - don't stay in group therapy for a long period of time. This keeps you in victim mode for too long. Yes, it's good for short term. But use other things too, things that are pro-active. Talking about it a lot is good in the beginning. Grieving about it helps. But after a while you need to start using it in some way. This is what turns you from victim to survivor.

5) Forgive yourself for whatever it is that you are blaming yourself for. Every woman puts some sort of blame on herself for the rape, no matter who she is. Even the ones that say, "I know it was not my fault at all", still have that little person inside themself saying "yes it is". You must realize that you did absolutely nothing wrong at all. No one..... absolutely no one has the right to be violent to you. It was not a sexual act. It was an act of violence against you.

6) Finally, at some point, turn from victim to survivor. At some point in your healing you must allow yourself to say, "I am no longer a victim. I am a survivor.

Answer 2

an attack will never be far from your mind- But you can use what you know to help others. The best way (I've found) is volunteer or even just join a support group. Also taking some defense classes don't hurt either. It builds your confidence and you get to hit things to vent your frustrations. There are many groups that will help.

24 hour crisis line toll free
1-877-392-7583

Mission - WAVAW is a feminist organization that works for the prevention and eradication of all forms of violence against women through the provision of direct services to women who have experienced violence and the promotion of social and attitudinal change.

Vision - A society where all women are free from violence.

Answer 3

I think the biggest thing is finding the rapist and locking him up. It would be very difficult for someone who went through something like that to overcome it without knowing the attacker was locked up. I think some rapes are more difficult to cope with than others. Being raped by your ex-boyfriend might not hold as much bearing as being gang raped by 6 strangers. Every bodies situation is not the same, the degree of violence is not the same, so it only stands to reason that some people may never overcome their fear after something like that happens. You can't force someone to overcome something like that, you can only do your best to be patient, understanding and do everything in your power to make them feel safe again. ;-)

Answer 4

Moving On After Rape

Answer 5

You will never forget what happened to you, I was sexually assulted for 5.5 years, and have never forgotten their faces. The only advice I can offer is to talk about it but not to let it run your life. Live each day to the fullest as if there were no tomorrow, only then will you be able to start to put it behind you. Don't live in fear! That is the hardest step.

The most important thing is that you survived it, even though you may not feel like that is an accomplishment, it is. You have the strength to keep going even on your bad days, and you will have many of them in the near future.

Counseling is also not a quick cure, they just try their best to help you through the next few days, weeks, months, even years. The best thing they do is letting you vent your fears and frustrations openly. You must also keep in mind that you have to find the counselor that you can connect with. This may be a task within itself. Please don't give up on counseling. Keeping a journal of your feelings may also help you, it helped me.

If you don't get the answers you are looking for here, repost and repost until you do. Also there are places you can chat with other victims. Dont' count on resolution online. Most of the time it involves human contact, a face-to-face meeting.

Occupy your time with pleasant thoughts, that may sound stupid, like you can get you brain to focus on pleasant thoughts for more than five minutes, but in those five minutes you gained five minutes of your life back.

I hope that someone here can offer advise that can be helpful. Just live one day at a time, live life to the fullest each day. It may just be one long minute at a time, but take what you can get!

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about what happened to you. I too am a rape victim, and the most important thing to remember is that you in no way asked for it. For me it took a very long time to move on. I just dealt with it head on. It's been about 20years for me and I still have nightmares and of course it is something that i will never forget. You will be okay again, but the answers you are looking for will come in your own time. You have to stay strong to beat this. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 7

have you accepted that it happened to you? are you in denial or not? because that is a really big step if you can say
"--- raped me." or "i was raped." if you can then kudos. you are on your way...i recommend you write. in a journal. how you feel. but this doesn't mean you won't still "go crazy." i've hit the backs of bus stop ads. i even do this weird thing with money. but i think it makes me sound like a nut. so i won't say. it sort of helps...

continue with counseling. talk to friends (SUPPORTIVE friends, can't stress that enough...just find support!) talk it out to yourself, maybe, talk to God or whoever you want. type what happpend print it a hundred times and watch each page burn. imagine you confronting your rapist in your head and you can say everything you've wanted to say and imagine whatever would make you feel better but don't actually do something to him! and hold on...that's all you can do besides these things.... hope they help you

Answer 8

If you haven't done this yet you need to get in touch with the closest rape counseling center. Many of the women who run these facilities have also been raped so know what you have gone through and are going through. You have more strength than you know, you just need help in reaching deep inside for it. Understand you were and are a victim and NOTHING you did lead to this terrible thing happening to you so you are NOT responsible for it in any way. Counseling does help. If you have a woman's shelter in your town contact them, they can put you on the right road to recovery. Don't let the B*****d who did this to you win!!. You will get through it but you need help from those who have been there too.

Answer 9

Keep trying the counselling route. I hope you find the doctor that can make you believe in yourself again.
Having this person touch you against your will took away your control over your body. Don't let him/her win by letting him /her take a part of your soul. We survive accidents, broken bones and illness. It was his/her illness that made them do such a horrible thing to you. Love you. Know you are worth what ever it takes to go on in this life.

I will pray for you to know you are a survivor and that it takes more than the brutal treatment of your body to ruin your soul.

Answer 10

Hi oniongir,

I have read your answers to your question. You have been given a lot of good advice by people who care about you even though you don't know them personally.

I too care deeply about you and I don't want you to take upon yourself the wrong that was done to you.

You didn't do anything wrong. Someone else did you wrong.

Please don't blame yourself.

I will pray for you and if you have a belief in God, your prayers will be answered.

Pray every morning and I believe you will have a peaceful easy feeling.

I wish I could fix this for you. May God Bless you.