How to get out of a rut?

Question

I have been agonizing over what to do for the last 6 months and realise that in that time I have just wasted my life and had no fun at all…..i was diagnosed with clinical depression and since have tried everything to fix me as have others however the problem is that I want to go back to a life that I had in london that no longer exists….good job, boyfriend and friends…no matter what I do here will not change the fact that everyone else is settled and happy with friends and plans of some sort and I have just been left behind as they have all moved on since I have been hiding at home for the last 6 months or when I do go out they barely know me anymore and I say nothing and act weird….i just want to go back to the confident carefree girl I used to be but I don’t know how to and any option I think of I don’t think it is ever going to be the same as what I had. I know I have to stop living in the past but I just don’t know how…..i feel as though I am not living in reality and it is all a j

Thanks for all the advice....i agree with all of you...i need a goal, or a purpose and to let go of the past...however which goal first? buy a house, career, travel,,,friends...settled......i just go around in circles...i dont have any friends, i need to get out of the place i live and i new job but to go where and doing what.....too many options so i jsut do nothing...even though i know it is not productive and spend all my time thinking

Answer 1

Well you should probably seek help through a counselor. Although personally, I feel that you need to turn the focus inward instead of outwards. You're caught up in something that doesn't exist and you can't help that, but you can help you. Maybe it wasn't supposed to be, maybe that life wasn't everything you thought it was, maybe there's something else out there. But you'll never know if you don't pick up the pieces and put yourself back together. I know it's not easy but you have to do it. Confidence in yourself works wonders because if you think that you can't have a good life you won't. You need to turn the page.

Answer 2

Six months is not so long. It's ez to fall into feeling down after loosing someone you cared about, but it's time for you to move on. It's a simple thing, but you have to start by setting a long term goal for yourself...write it down....set some steps to get there...small steps...break it down and make yourself do one thing each day, that will bring you closer to your goal....write it down, every time you succeed.

Treat youself once a week. Go out to the pub for a game of pool (or in your case probably darts lol) Grab a big ice cream. Go to a comedy show, and laugh like hell...or if you're a litte shy, watch one on television....every other day at least !!

Your new life is YOURS to use as you see fit, and it starts 5 minutes ago. Not tomorrow. AND why in the world would you want to go backwards in life??? Life is too much fun to waste time doing all the same things over again.

Just remember, you are in control of whatever you do, not some lame old Boyfriend....and forget about the diagnoses...If you know anything about psychology...you know that they all have different opinions of the same subjects, and probably have all guessed wrong.....as humans, most depression, paranoia, anger.....all come from fear....so take a few minutes or an hour, think about what it is that you are afraid of, and get rid of it. Nothing much out there to be afraid of...Except maybe running out of time to reach your goals in life.

Answer 3

I can empathize, I'm currently going through the same stuff. I have heard from more than one therapist that sometimes it takes a lot of tries of different medications and dosages before you find the right combination. I know how difficult it can be to force yourself out of your cozy little room and into the big bright open world. It often makes me feel like a bug under a microscope. I have let all my friends know that I have major depressive/anxiety disorder and if I start to act weird to let me know. Keep in touch with your close friends and don't cut yourself off. Keep going out and try to find one good thing about every day. I have found that attempting to keep a positive attitude whether you are home alone or out with friends helps but it takes some practice before you get the hang of it. Also, try meditation. If you know how already great, if you don't know how get some cd's with guided meditations they can help too. Good Luck I will keep you in my thoughts and pray for all of us who suffer from depression that we all find the best meds for our condition.
LL

Answer 4

Sounds to me like you really need someone to talk to.

Have you considered getting a counsellor?

What I hear you saying is that your friends have moved on with their lives and you feel that you haven't.

You cannot live in your past. You need to create a new future for yourself.



Getting out of the rut:

(1) recognize you are in the rut (done)

(2) identify where you would like to be, what you would like to achieve ... goalsetting
- write lists
- write down anything your heart desires - dreams - whatever
- but also write down some goals, something tangible and measurable is best

(3) break down the steps to achieving goals/dreams

(4) implement

(5) re-evaluate - where are you? still in the rut? achieved your goals? go back to step (2) (or even step (1) if necessary)

Answer 5

sorry to hear
clinical depression can be very real
but it can also be temporary
and as a (hopeful) helpful example
i give you my short story...
bored with and sick of my go-nowhere-life
i floundered for years in nnightclubs and rot-gut booze
until i achieved my "epiphany"
and went back to school at 34
living it, loving it and doing what i need to do
i am where i shoulda been at 24
(c'est le vie(?))
my point is
drastic situations sometimes call for drastic measures
jump into the deep end without looking
and maybe you'll find whats best for your new you

Answer 6

Go see a Doctor.