He grew up with a very critical parent and now realizes the damage it does but doesn't seem to know how to stop himself. She is only 6, but he over reacts when she spills something. He yells rudely to be left alone. He expects perfection. He knows he is wrong and he WANTS to stop, but he doesn't know how to stop parenting like he was parented. How can I help him stop? I was overcompensating by being too lenient with her, but now I am getting much better (he has been traveling a lot lately), and I told him to just play with her... no more discipline from him!! I will be the only one to discipline her (we don't spank her, but she gets put in the corner sometimes). That is our plan. Any other advice would be welcome. Thanks.
2007-05-14 17:09:44 · 8 answers · asked by dundi 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Well have him say positive things to her, like when she does something good giver praise. When she spills something have him and her say uh oh and clean it up and make it a no big deal thing. That's what we do in our house. I grew up with a parent that overreacted and can understand. I have learned alot.
Maybe parenting classes or a parent support group might help.
I Wish you luck
Morgaine
2007-05-14 17:16:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, I would not correct him in front of her because then she will not have confidence in either of your parenting skills.
If he makes a mistake, he should wait til he's calmed down and apologize for raising his voice. When he feels the need to lash out, he should stop for 10 seconds and think before he speaks. He must be mindful that she is forming her opinion of men based on the behavior he displays. He is setting the bar low for communication skills. If he cannot control himself for fear of the consequences then he does have an anger problem and needs to seek counseling. She shouldn't have to feel his wrath. You can assume the role of disciplinarian but what about if you have more children? That's a lot to take on.
2007-05-15 00:41:04 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy Sandals 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing I would say to him is that if he doesn't get counseling, you'll divorce him, plain and simple. Your daughter does NOT, I repeat NOT deserve to grow up with such a poor example of a father. You can do much better raising her on your own. I would not leave her alone with him for even 5 minutes. It's obvious that you'll be the one to force the changes here. It's either counseling, or divorce court.
2007-05-15 09:13:51 · answer #3 · answered by dianak502002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to get counseling.
You can start by asking him specifically what he remembers from his childhood...specifically when he was 6.
Ask him if he feels that he is repeating the actions of his parent, and if he thinks that is the correct way to go about speaking to your child.
Also, ask him when the worst age of his life was in childhood. It would be good for you to know so you are prepared when your child gets to that age. Parents sometimes lose it when their kids get to the age where they themselves had a hard time in life. Every parent "loses it" differently, but some do it by being non-existent during that year, or being bad to their kids, or by divorcing, or by cheating, or by some other strange means.
2007-05-15 00:16:01 · answer #4 · answered by gg 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would show him how it feels verbally, but I would do it alone with him,(roll play) it may seem silly, but it will make him understand more so he can really see how it makes her feel and dont do it in her presense and show him in an adult manner and be straight forward and just keep working on it. Remind him in a (nice way) that she not need to grow up with a guilt feeling of, "oh wow I did wrong again, and I dont know what I did". Verbal abuse is as bad as a slap in the face and she will remember it when she gets older. It worked for me with my son, the positive reinforcement and the soft approach, it takes patience and you have to do it over and over again. and I grew up with strict, so called perfect parents, as they called themselves. Its amazing what we learn as we get older and wiser. Stick to the same routine and you will be amazed yourself. Alot of positivity and hugs helps even if the child throws a fit, keep it up and dont ever give up. Good Luck sweety.
2007-05-15 00:32:06 · answer #5 · answered by aka nuggets 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call him "Mr. Sensitive feelings."
A guy with an anger control problem (like it sounds like he has) probably wouldn't want to be thought of as "Mr. Sensitive Feelings."
Maybe he needs to explore how harmless your son's behavior is. I mean, screaming over spilled milk may as well be crying over spilled milk. If you make him consider that his behavior is immature, maybe he'll get it.
2007-05-15 00:14:35 · answer #6 · answered by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hey I had an uncle like that iut's good what you are doing keeping him from disiplining her and its great that you dont hit her. I could say for him to go to cousling and sort things out there he might need to go on medication for that but i dont hitnk its that bad...
2007-05-15 00:16:04 · answer #7 · answered by emily v 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just tells him that he rasied you good but you want to raise your child your own why
2007-05-15 00:31:53 · answer #8 · answered by jassmyworld 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋