my mum died recently of cancer and i feel as though i am lost and alone.?

Question

i have a great partner a 4 year old daughter and a son who i was pregnat with when we found out that the cancer would eventually kill her. she had planned to be in the delivery room with me when i had my son but by the time he was born she didnt even know who i was. i feel like i have lost the only person who really got me. when will i start to feel better and what should i do. i feel like i cant ever be whole again withou her.

thankyou all so much.i really really appreciate every answer and feel like now i can get through it because other(you) have done it. you are all so strong and wonderful and make me realise that i need to talk to people and get these emotions out everytime i read a new answer i cry a little but know thats one less tear i will cry and am on my way to becoming the person i want and should be thankyou again

Answer 1

Do what I do...cry.

My wife died in September. She and I had planned for some time to attend the graduation of her son from college. She died before she was able to make the trip. I am writing this from his home. I made the trip and I have cried every day since I have been here. I miss her more than I can possibly explain, just as you miss your mother.

I try to remind myself that my wife is no longer in pain, no longer suffering, forever young, and forever beautiful.

Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your dear mother.

Answer 2

Dear JettySpaghetti,
I grieve at your loss and pray that you overcome your grief. Every person's grief is as unique as the person itself. Your sorrow will be as great as the love you had for your mother. It is obvious that both are great. As to what you should do. Grieve, and don't feel ashamed because you have the right to do so. Speak to your mother as if she were still bodily with you. There is no reason for you to stop talking to her. As time goes by, you sorrow WILL subside. Because your mum was such a part of your life, you may never feel completely whole again and that is ok since she seemed to be truly unique. No one will completely fill the void. Thank you for sharing your sorrow with the community. Though you feel alone, as you can see, you really are not.
One more thing, though your sorrow is understandable and even necessary, do not let it consume you. Be as great a mother to your children as your mother was to you. In this way her legacy will truly live on.

Answer 3

oh sweetie you have lost the only thing in this world that I have always said I couldn't live without. Losing your mom has to be hard. I am greatful that I haven't had to cope with this yet. However my mom has and we talked mothers day and she was saying that she just tries to do things to make her momma proud each day. She says she still talks personally with my grandma when there is no one there. She says it makes her feel better even though she cannot answer. I do however know about depression. I have suffered from it for numerous years and it isn't fun at all. It sounds as if you have gotten it from her death and there is no shame in going to a doctor and saying I need help. There is also the post pardom which can make it so much worse. I am sure your husband and kids need their wife and mom so please seek some expert advice please.........take care and I wish you well hun

Answer 4

From someone who lost a father...
One, you need time. Dont feel like you have to bounce back or give yourself the idea that some timeline is when you wont feel so sad anymore. The truth is, a part of you will always feel sad. Losing a parent is not easy.
What I would recommend though, is seeing if there is a support group (call a local cancer agency) for people who have lost loved ones to cancer. If there isnt one in your area, see a counsellor. Trust me when I say it will help.

Answer 5

I'm sorry for your loss,it's never easy to lose a parent,and at what should be one of the happest times in your life( the birth of your son.)

I lost my father suddenly in a motorcycle accident 19 yrs ago so I know how if feels to lose a parent. One of the hardest parts was I never got to say good bye or that I loved him one more time. It may seem like it takes a long time but it gets easier.I still miss him a lot.But,if you feel that you can't cope, don't do it alone talk to your doctor. S/He might be able to recommend a grievance counselor that can help you sort out your feelings of grief.It did for me. You can also try starting a journal, writing into it everything you would talk to your mum about... kind of like writing her letters telling her about your day and other things,it helps too.Also know our loved ones never really leave us, they are always in our hearts.
Bright Blessings

Answer 6

i too lost my mother recently....grief is one of the most difficult emotions to cope with. Someone gave me this poem and it helps me....


When I come to the end of the road,
and the sun has set for me.
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room.
Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little—but not too long,
and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that was once shared.
Miss me, but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take, and each must go alone.
It’s all a part of the master’s plan, a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends we know.
Bear your sorrow in good deeds.
Miss me, but let me go.

Answer 7

You are not alone. You are blessed with children-your lifeline, your blood. They are connected and attached to you, their loving mother, they love you dearly, they need you. Turn to them for comfort and love them, because they so need love and comfort from you. Let their sweetness and innocence fill you up. Let your soul open up to their precious, unconditional love and admiration for you.

Your mom is in Heaven now, in the best place there is, with her parents and others that passed away, with God...in a place where we will all go, hopefully..but just not immediately. I too have lost someone very, very dear and I think about how in 50-60 years I will see her again, when my time comes. God has His plans for each of us. In the meantime, there are still many beautiful days with our families and friends here.

As someone else said, we have to make sense out of this separation from our loved ones..not by forgetting but by honoring them with our lives, by carrying on and raising our children. Take it gently, one-day-at-a-time. I have found that praying helpes.

Answer 8

Jettyspa - When I left this world without you, I know it made you blue. Your tears fell so freely, I watched, I know this is true. While you were weeping, days after I passed away - while all was silent within me, I saw you kneel to pray. From this wonderful place called Heaven where all my pain is gone, I send a gentle breeze to whisper, "My loved ones, please go on." The peace that I have found here goes far beyond compare. No rain, no clouds, no suffering - Just LOVE from everywhere. You need not be troubled, just stay close to GOD in prayer. Someday we'll be reunited my love, HIS love surrounds you always, EVERYWHERE. LOVE, MUM

Answer 9

My heart goes out to you. Grieving for someone you love is hard and takes time. You will work through it.
You can find the steps of grieving on the net. That will help you understand whats going on with you. It's normal.
I lost someone I love so dearly last year. and I can tell you it's hard but you can do it.
God bless you and your children

Answer 10

I'm so sorry. You really miss her...and it hurts so badly. Grieving takes time and everyone does it differently. I would go see a counselor so you can work through it with someone supportive, someone else who "gets you". Grief support groups can also be very helpful in such a difficult time.

Sorry for your loss. Hang in there.

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