I am so angry right now.... I want to ask what you think of this instance....?

Question

Today my sister was over with my nephew. My nephew is 3 years old and, it being my birthday, they came over to give me a birthday card and spend time eating cake.

My sister and I had some time to chat when my stepdad and nephew were off playing outside.

My sisters exhusband, my nephews father, is a reborn Christian. Not only that but he is probably the slimiest person you'll ever meet. He's been in prison no less than 5 times for drug dealing. He's overdosed in the presence of my nephew at least once.

Well... he's allowed supervised visits with my nephew so he generally gets to go to church with the nephew.

My sister is fine with this so long as its only a couple hours a week, though she doesn't like church herself.

Only its gotten alot worse than a couple of hours a week. My nephew now talks about Jesus and god CONSTANTLY. To the point that its driving my sister nuts and she's ready to restrict the visits alot more.....

But now something has happened that has made my sister and I absolutely livid. I'm so angry I was seething after I found this out.

The other day, my nephew was talking to my sister on the phone to come pick him up and his father says in the background...

"Everyone that doesn't go to church is evil and going to hell". Basically calling my nephews entire family, including my sister, evil and scaring the daylights out of my nephew by telling him that we're all going to hell for not going to a building once a week to worship his god.

Do you think this kind of behavior is ok just to support your god?

This jerk has turned my sister into an evil person with horns. And my sister has NEVER stolen, done drugs, been in prison, or anything else that my jerk of an ex brother in law has.

If hell exists, that jerk is going there, not my sister.

He's three, its not about freedom of religion, or heaven, its about brainwashing a three year old against his mother and the rest of his family because his druggie jailbird father who's resentful that my sister divorced him and using any means to get back at her for it.

Edward, bite me. You don't like me, I don't really care. This isn't about me, its about my nephew. Grow up.

Missy, its not about religion. Its about my druggie jailbird ex brother in law trying to use religion to make my nephew hate my sister, who's never done a thing wrong in her life to deserve it.

Siva, I wish he could be. He's been in and out of rehab 4 times. Currently he's living with a Pastor. The Pastor said that he doesn't think my ex brother in law is going to last long before he does it again. Even the Pastor thinks he's slime.

lifeinheaven, I wish I could. But its not my choice because I'm not his mother. I already told my sister to go to a lawyer about it.

I think I'm just mostly upset that he's turning the people that love my nephew into things of evil, and hatred, even if they haven't done anything wrong.

This man is severely going to scar my nephew for life but there's next to nothing that can be done about it.

I'm worried about my nephews well being and his relationship with my sister.

And the fact that the jerk is using his religion just makes it somehow worse.

Lin, why did you post? Just to rant and rave about me? I didn't ask about me, I asked about my brother in laws behavior with my nephew. If you can't answer the actual question, then don't bother. I'm not going to change my mind so harping on converting to your religion is worthless.

Diamond and Katie, both great ideas. Thank you. The first, I'll think about. That may be possible. If not me, then my sister. Maybe the congregation can do something. Or maybe she can talk to the Pastor and see if he'll help.

As for the law... I'll try to convince her. I want her to take it to court if he doesn't quit. There's no reason for my nephew to think this of my sister. It just kills me to think that he may when I know how much my sister loves him and how much she's been through with her ex.

Interestingly, I'm actually feeling a bit better now.

Thank you all.

Whats best for my nephew is having people who love him, will stand by him come what may, and will do anything for him. As for my sister... I'm Atheist... she is not. And she was shaking with anger after hearing it.

Answer 1

That's true evil, right there.

A few years ago when my little boy was still a baby, my sister told our mother to break up with Mom's boyfriend, and when Mom said no, my sister threatened something very similar - that she would tell MY SON what a horrible person our mother was, so that he wouldn't like her. But even back then, my son loved his Nene, and she adored him.

When I finally found out about this you could see the mushroom cloud three states away.

This was when I evolved the ability to almost literally turn into a dragon. My voice lowered three octaves and I spat fire. For the first time in our lives, my sister cowered before me. Even my husband listening in the other room was ready to beat a hasty retreat, and he wasn't even involved. And this was for the mere threat of messing with my son's mind... so I understand your rage completely.

I hope your sister manages to do something about it, because it is pure evil to mess with the mind of a small child. He is already in need of therapy. Poor kid. He's lucky he has you and his Mom, he'll need you both. Good luck, hon.

Answer 2

Talking a lot about religion at his age is pretty commmon. It's a very new concept for him, one of his first leaps from concrete thought to conceptual thouht. Your sister can talk to him about it - but know this, Three years olds KNOW when what they are doing bugs someone, and will continue to do it for any number of reasons, from reaching out to grow up and be independent, to trying to understand why it is bothersome to that person. It does calm down. He'll soon find a new topic that he'll discuss into the ground.

The BEST thing yor sister can do is address this issue about what the dad said directly - ask the kid if he really believes that about mommy, and grandpa, etc.(And NOT freak out if he says yes - he's parrotting - also common) Explain to him - in more concrete, understandable terms - what evil is and have him think about it for a while, then ask him later if he still thinks that's the case, of it it was just something someone said.

I would report the ex to whomever is supposed to be supervising his visits - that is unacceptable behavior on his part. Keep a written record of every time he does something like that, and contact her lawyer about what can be done about it. It may be a case where a judge has to tell him to stop badmouthing your family or lose visitation all together.

Answer 3

The Bible says that a gentle answer turns away wrath. Don't be so hard on the child. Show kindess and patience in your reaction to your nephew's father.

It will not take the child long to discern who really has the love of Jesus in is heart. It is not a matter of how often you go to church or how closely you follow the rules.

Every rule and law in the bible falls under the following umbrella:
Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.
Love your neighbor as you love yourself.
Love one another as Jesus loves us.

Follow those and you can't go wrong. I would suggest reading the 13th chapter of 1st Corinthians. It explains Christian love more completely than any other citation I know.

Counter judgemental behavior with love; the truth.

Don't fight against or even criticize your nephews father. Instead, show compassion for him in front of your nephew, and you will teach him the true meaning of Christian love. Forgive quickly and be slow to anger.

If your nephew is to learn about God, make sure that he learns the basics. A good foundation will go a long way. God bless you.

Answer 4

I understand your anger. This 3 year old is being programmed to believe that if you go to church and you are a despicable person then you are going to heaven. If you're a good person and God loves you but you are not a churchgoer than you are going to be punished for all eternity. That's messed up!

I would say to get his visitation moved to another place where religion is not part of the picture. He's too young to be taught about this. I can't stand that such a young mind would even be subjected to the nightmare of hellfire! His dad is a very bad example of a good Christian anyway. I would doubt that he's reborn. It's just a cover.

Answer 5

well for one I am an atheist but here is my thought . Your nephews father obviously playing the role of a good christian to stay out of jail more and work off his probation . And it also looks good that he is teaching a younger person the church seen . This all looks good in court so he stays on the up and up. Kids are the easiest people to teach about religion because they will beliee what you say . You could say your nephew is an atheist even if he isnt to keep the druggie from visiting with him at church and only visit at home or in another public place. THIs may help or I may have just pissed some people off oh well GOOD LUCK

Answer 6

No it's not alright for the child to talk to his family like that. I believe totally in the Bible and it does say that the only way to heaven is thru Jesus as my personal Savior. But I don't agree that it is right to threaten or bully God to anyone. I hope that you can get calm enough to talk to this child and help him understand it hurts people feelings or makes them sad when he talks like that (about hell). I wonder if the dad is doing this just to dig at the mom. He sounds very immature in life as well in Christianity. The good thing is the child continues to get love and acceptance form you and the others he will more than likely get tired of this and move on the next thing in his life. Good luck and know for sure that God loves you and doesn't want to be shoved down you or any ones throat.

Answer 7

Just because one goes to church does not mean he is saved. He has to be living a Christ like life. One thing I can say safely - God does not like hypocrites! I know many people who have never stepped inside of a church who are more "saved" than those who sit within upon the benches to be "seen" there. Sadly there are many people who claim to be good Christians because they go to church on Sunday as they lie, steal, and break every commandment the rest of the week. They are not safe from Gods wrath but put themselves directly in line of his first strike!
I am sorry for your sister and your family. It sounds to me like all this man is teaching this child is hypocrisy. Please don't count it against God. He does not condone this type of behavior.
However, your nephew seems to have found a Friend in Jesus. So be careful how you deal with this so you don't break his little heart. At three he is very impressionable. You have a right to be angry.
Restricted visits under the circumstances sounds like the best for all!!

Answer 8

Bummer. Looks like if he is a Christian he's not very mature in the faith. If he accepted Jesus sincerely at any point he is saved and will not suffer damnation. Can you say the same for your sister? See you have made the same error so many people have: that your behavior is what gets you into heaven or hell. It has nothing to do with that. Only those who accept God's son as their Lord and Savior, and surrender to Him will see heaven. Those without his Son will not be with God and will suffer damnation/hell. I do prison ministry and I have seen hundreds of conversions. There will be millions of criminals in heaven...of the worst kind. But Jesus loves us all equally. He loves you sister and wants her to come to him, but he can also love a loser. Frankly Jesus said he came for the sick, not the healthy, meaning sinners not the righteous. For the sake of your nephew and your sister, get them introduced to Jesus. Don't worry about others, save your family, including yourself. Then you can help others.
Your sister is going to suffer many trials as an unbeliever.

This is important: read these verses: John 3 Holy Bible/NIV
John 5, the book of Romans and get a good Christian teacher to help. Your eternal life is in danger, and your nephew may be swept along with you and your sister.

Answer 9

at the bottom of it, what you have here is a difference in religious practices after a marital separation. in this case, it's extreme, yes, but other couple have had to deal with this and it can be done.

what your sis can do is to explain to her son in age-appropriate language what her beliefs are. she also may want to consider taking her son to a less extreme church or enrolling him in a vacation bible school or similar. even though she doesn't believe herself, it could be helpful for the child to get the message that god is love from other influential adults - might help him to get past his father's message which seems to be that god is hate.

she might also consider developing her own family traditions to counterbalance his dad's - maybe every Sunday after church is brunch with the family, or a walk to the lake, or a board game with her son- anything that provides a comforting ritual for him and reinforces "family time" with mom. also gives her an opportunity to deprogram her son.

she could also simply request that the supervised visits occur at a different time so that her son won't attend church with his dad.

as difficult as this is, it is probably a short-lived problem. kids are remarkably good at seeing through b.s. as they get older. the ex sounds like he may soon end up behind bars again. hang in there, keep the kid away from him as much as possible, and be there to help your sis when you can. good luck.

Answer 10

It is very understandable for you to be upset. You obviously care very much about your family and you want to do everything possible to protect them. As a Christian, I would say this...talk to him. It probably will take everything you can muster to control your emotions, but confront your sister's ex about the problems you have with his actions, comments, etc. Tell him how it is effecting your family, especially his son. See what he has to say for himself and about his beliefs. If he really is trying to change and serve the Lord, this experience will give you some needed relief and possibly some answers. Any reluctance, ill-spoken words, or personal judgments by this man, and you will truly know what is in his heart. Good luck, try to control your emotions and be fair, BUT say everything you have to and ask any question you want. I hope you can come away from this situation as a peacemaker and a hero for your family. God Bless you and your efforts.