I am 38, and am still sad about my my boyfriend of 6 years dumping me for another 3 years ago. Is this normal?

Question

I dated my former boyfriend, who I really loved, for 6 years , we bough a condo together. But then he met someone else. Even though I have been dating someone I still can't stop being sad. I want to move on in my life but I can't. 1) Is this normal, and 2) what should I do?

Answer 1

Forget putting yourself in the "Normal" box ... you're a individual who needs love. First and foremost you need to love yourself.

Many people who are still hurting after a long time often get the wounds of wondering "What did I do wrong"? It's very healthy to review a relationship and list what was good and what could be better ... however, in the battle sometimes very deep wounds occur. Sounds like you took a deep wound and instead of healing it ... you're picking it like a scab and keeping the wound.

What you need to do is accept this with complete love. His leaving you doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, but that "He's just not that into you" ... so, it's your freedom to find someone who is "That into you" ... start with yourself. Start investing your time, talents, money, and positive emotions back into you.

Then create a "Goal" for a future relationship ... list how you want your mate to love you with time, talent, emotions. Men do love a challenge, and setting goals often inspires them.

Answer 2

Breakups of long-term relationships are extremely difficult to deal with. It's like you've suffered the death of a loved one. I've heard it said that it takes some people the length of time that the actual relationship lasted to complete the grieving process.

I had a similar experience. I was with my gf for 6 years, loved her very much and wanted to marry her. After we broke up it took me a good 4 years before I stopped thinking of her repeatedly on a daily basis, and several more before I felt like I had complete closure.

In fact, I didn't really get complete closure until I called her up one day about 7 years after the fact and asked her what the real reasons for the breakup were rather than the "It's not you, it's me" bs reasons. Once I got the straight dope it also allowed me to see her flaws more clearly and realize that I was idealizing her into this untouchable monolith that no other woman could ever possibly match.

The fact that you are troubled by dwelling on this past relationship though, indicates that all is NOT well with you. I would suggest that you seek professional counseling to help you sort out the issues lingering from the breakup.

Answer 3

No answer for your plight. Real love doesn't ever stop. You can love again, but never unlove. Even if you leave someone for reasons of survival you'll always love those who could bring it out in you. But you can get busy. You can stop yourself from being obsessive. There are some great schools. Education is always a good option to being home alone. Helping someone build a house, or remodel. Learn. Don't be guilty of driving yourself nuts.

Answer 4

It is natural to grieve and be sad over the loss of a break up. It's expected for a period of time. However, it sounds like you are having a real difficult time moving on and there may be some depression involved. I suggest that you find a doctor, or a counsellor, therapist- your choice- and discuss with them what's going on. Three years is too long to be ruminating so much over a past relationship and for being sad. It's time you did something to help yourself.

Answer 5

There maybe a moment of remembrance occasionally but to dwell on it suggests you haven't moved on with your life. Let it go and learn to enjoy life again.

Answer 6

me 2 it's not normal most people don't care about another person that much I did and it's no good