Parents, have you witnessed or experienced this problem?

Question

Helicopter parents. More and more parents are doing things for their children instead of GUIDING them and letting them learn and experience for themselves. I know parents who do their child's homework, who get involved in school yard drama; I had a mother call my child and yell at her because she supposedly gave her child a "dirty look". That's the closest I've ever came to violence against another human being. I told her kids have tiffs and falling outs all the time and unless someone is being harmed, let them work it out. My daughter went to her first prom this year and she said parents were AT THE PROM, video taping, taking pictures, and telling their children how to pose. My daughter got her first job this year and there were parents in the interview with their children. What the heck is going on here? What happened to guiding children and letting them learn from their mistakes? Do any of you see this happening?

Silver B you are right. There are a lot of parents who don't care enough about their children. I'm not asking this because I'm angry, that incident happened over a year ago. My concern is that children entering their adult life will not know how to handle life's ups and downs because parents are always there to figure out and fix their problems. How do you teach a child to be independent when they enter adult life? What happens if the parents aren't around anymore? I posted this question because I feel that parents are harming their children by not allowing them to figure some things out for themselves. I feel that it's creating a generation of dependent children. I'm very involved with my teen-aged daughter, from eating dinner together every night to going to school functions and recitals, going to PTA meetings... But, I feel that there are times when I should take the lead and there are other times to listen, discuss, give advice, then let her make the decision herself

Answer 1

Teach your kids to think and make them successful. Think for your kids and support them for the rest of your life.

Answer 2

I am a Career Counselor at a local college. We are really struggling with this issue. I get calls from parents all the time. We recently held a day long seminar for our graduating seniors and one of them showed up with his parents. These parents looked around the room, noticed they were the only adults there and still sat down and stayed. They even asked the presenter questions. It is bizarre.

The number of parents involved in these bizarre stories are actually fairly small and these examples are not the norm yet. But it is a concerning trend.

W are also raising a generation of children who are as a group very upbeat and positive, world conscience and tech savvy. They can not think critically and their communication skills are abhorrent. We have room ates who sit back to back and fight via IM rather than turn around and talk to each other.

I am planning to teach my children how to behave and then struggle to let them work it out for themselves! We are creating an unnatural prolonged adolescence. How are these children ever going to be ready to function in the world and raise ther own children?

Answer 3

I've seen it. I had a thing with my son recently, he was allowing kids into the apartment when i wasn't home, against my rules. He claims that he told them to leave but they pushed their way in. He is 12. I want to call one of the moms who I have been friends with for about 13 years and discuss this with her but I am resisting so that my son can learn how to tell these kids no.

Funny thing is that the one kid my son just got to know over the past couple of months was very apologetic and the one he has known his whole life didn't even show a glimmer of sorry.

But I agree with you, that parents are to involved in their kids lives. I remember, when they had the Y!News MB's still up and there was an article about how parents are too involved in their college kids lives, actually contacting the dean when they felt the kid deserved a better grade. Parent's were actually saying that they should get involved considering the amount of $$ they paid for tuition. I completely disagreed.

I would NEVER go with my son on a job interview any further then dropping him off and waiting in the car or shopping around the store. I would never go to the prom, but take the pics before hand. And at my sons age I would allow him to deal with any confrontations he has, unless his life is in danger. I think that parents are just having a hard time growing up and are living vicariously through their children.

Answer 4

I'm 23 and I'll soon be a parent, but I'm already taking notice of this little phenomena you're experiencing...

I worked for a fast food company since I was 17 and one thing that blew me away were the number of parents who would call in sick for their kids, quit for their kids, or control their kids' work schedules (I understand family time is important, but we had a business to run and these kids were supposed to be learning how to handle the responsibility of a job position).

The kids weren't learning to handle anything on their own... I had one mom call me in hysterics and accuse me of being racist because I "made" her son clean the toilet! It's part of the job and ALL the employees, even managers, had to clean the bathrooms.

Most of the kids didn't know how to sweep the floor or even handle a broom. I had to explain what a "dustpan" was.... I'm not even joking. One kid asked me how to do dishes.

I'm don't mean to rant, but this is my experience with "helicopter parents"... I can only assume it'll get worse as I have kids who become school-aged.

Answer 5

Yes. This is actually becoming a problem in the workforce. Parents are starting to call to negotiate their children's salaries. It's quite sickening, and the only thing you can really do is watch their mistakes and learn from them. Do your best with your child to guide her and help her become an independent adult. I'm working overtime trying to make my daughter self-sufficient and well-adjusted.

Answer 6

Im a nanny and I see this happening. Its almost like parents are afriad their child might fail at something. The kids I watch are 3 and 6, I have been with them for 3 years now. Both of these kids are extremely independent. When we hang around other nannies/moms the question me on letting them be so independent. Its extremely bothersome!

Answer 7

I see it happen all the time. In fact my sister is just like that. Now, I love my niece, but heaven forbid if her feelings are ever hurt. For example, my niece and one of her friends had a spat on the playground about a softball game (they play on different teams. I coach the team and my daughter is on the team as well.) It turned into an argument about how "we are going to kick your butts." Even my daughter got pulled into it. When I was told about it by my daughter, I asked her what she did. She said she told the "friend" of my niece that she can talk all she wants, we will do our talking on the field. My niece on the other hand went home crying, and my sister marched right over to her house to confront the mother!! Luckily she wasn't home, but she was so angry she called me to tell me about it. I told her flat out that it was a bad idea, and my niece needed to just deal with it. Kids are mean and say stuff to each other, they fight it just is what it is. That was the wrong thing to say, so then I got into trouble!

One of the biggest problem with kids today is exactly what you described. My dad has been in education for 40 years, 27 of them as a principal of a successful grammar school. We talk all the time about the differences between when I was in grade school and now, and the difference is the parents. 25 years ago when a kid got into trouble the parents would come to school and ask "What did he/she do?" Now they say "You are wrong, he/she would never do that." Parents want to be their kids buddy, want to be known as the "cool" parents. My kids friends think of me as pretty cool, but not because of the fact I am my kids buddy. I am strict, and when they are at my house they know that. (They think it is cool that I coach and will play video games with them.) I don't take any c*** from them and they respect that, and they respect my wife and I.

I think parents need to do exactly what you said, guide their kids instead of leading them and doing for them. Kids are getting lazier and more disrespectful, and it is the fault of the parents, plain and simple.

Answer 8

I work with teenagers on a daily basis, and this is SUCH a huge problem. I am glad you brought this up. Is it possible at all for these helicopter parents to back off? Students need to learn independence, and their parents are not doing them any favors. They need to learn to do things for themselves and learn about the real world. This is happening everywhere. It is just one of the many symptoms (both good and bad) of the Millennial generation. Unfortunately, helicopter parents are NOT nice to DEAL with.

Answer 9

I see this end of the spectrum a lot less than the other extreme, which is parents who don't take hardly any responsibility for their children. I am astonished at some of the parents of my children's friends, who don't even know where they are after school or at night. The parents you speak of are living their lives through their children. They need to get some interests of their own.

Answer 10

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Answer 11

We were just talking about this last week! Do you believe employers are hiring these kids that take their parents to the job interview to negotiate salary's and benefits? The world has gone totally nuts!