To spank or not to spank?

Question

My son is going to be 5 on June 1st. I never spank him because I was abused as a child. I am married so my son has a step dad. We have been together for 4 years. I have never let him spank my son nor have I given him permission to. He has a 7 year old daughter whom I have never touched.
Yesterday my husband and son were going to go to a gas station to get candy and stuff and I was teasing my husband telling him he had to take the dog with him. I let the dog out front and shut the door. Next thing I know my son came running in crying. He said my husband spanked him. My husband came in and said my son was telling the dog "go go" and the dog was running across the street after a man. I know that my son was telling the dog she could go to the gas station not to go get the man. My husband said he didnt spank him that he barley tapped him. When I looked at my sons butt it had a hand print on it and it was raised and hot. My husband had to hit him hard ! What would u do? I told my man off

Answer 1

First of all, your husband should abide by your wishes regarding the punishment of your son. If this was a one time thing, you should probably just forgive him and move on.

On the general discussion of spanking, I don't understand what parents think they're teaching their children by infliciting physical pain for misbehavior. That your child should fear you? Certainly it won't make the child respect the parent's judgment or wisdom.

Certain things I've noticed with spanking:

1. Those ethnic groups that spank the most have greater incidents of criminality. So this idea that spanking will help keep your child out of trouble later is simply untrue.

2. The more educated parents are, the less likely they will use physical discipline.

3. Children who are hit are more likely to "stay in line" for the reason that they fear punishment, rather than because they want to behave well for its own sake.

4. Most advanced countries around the world are either banning spanking outright, or at least setting strict limits to how a child can be hit.

The above tells me that, as we advance as a society, we should learn more sophisticated ways to discipline our kids than by hitting them. Understand that I'm not condemning a parent who smacks a kid who's acting out. I'm just saying that we should strive to discipline in a more civilized and constructive way.

Answer 2

I honestly believe that if more parents would go back to spankings there would be less unruly children that we have so much of now days. But.... there is a difference in spankings and beatings. If a hand print is left on the childs body, then that goes beyond spanking. I would be upset too. And since you and your husband had an agreement that he would not spank your son in the first place gives you another good reason to be upset with him. Since he has seen how upset you are and that you really meant business, hopefully this will not happen again.

Answer 3

If I had heard my daughter saying that she would probably have a handprint on her bottom too. I can understand where your husband is coming from. You both need to talk about it. I only spank my daughter when it's absolutely necessary. Otherwise we take away toys and use time-outs. It wouldn't have been very easy to stop the child right then and tell him "no no" or to even hear the whole story. The dog could've attacked the man and he couldn't just wait to discipline your son if something happened. (I have no idea whether or not the dog would have attacked him because I don't know your animal). Either way, I would've done the same thing. If it upsets you though you should talk to your husband and come up with something besides spankings because you're going to have a hard time disciplining him that way.

Answer 4

It's god that you don't spank your son, and spanking will not solve anything. You need to simply talk it out with him. Child abuse is terrible. It's good that your husband was trying to take control, but spanking is NEVER the answer. Talk to your husband about him spanking your son. How can a child learn through a spank?

Answer 5

Well, I come from an upbringing where I was spanked too. However, I will not let my children walk all over me either. Some children have very sensitive skin and a hand-print will be left quite easily. However as a mixed family, perhaps you should have a family discussion about the matter? It might not be a good idea to completely isolate your husband, for better or for worse right? if you completely ice him, he may not even want to be completely forthright with you which makes things way worse.

Answer 6

He may be a step dad, but you need to have a united front in terms of your children or your son will see him as the big bad stepdad and come running to you every time your husband tries to set some limits. As far as the spanking, sounds like he reacted to a very frightening and dangerous situation the same way many parents would. I would let it pass, but if it becomes a habit then you might have a problem.

Answer 7

wow, i don't know what i would do, my hubby and i are 100% against spanking, hitting or any other form of abuse, not only did he spank your son, he did it over a miscommunication, you should make him take an anger management class, i know some people would say let it go, but i feel this is huge, it's a relationship breaker if you ask me, it has to do with core values that you clearly disagree on, trust, your child's safety, everything wow, i am so sorry for your situation, you really need to think long and hard on this one

Answer 8

I have 3 children ages 10,7 and 4, only the youngest is biologically shared with my husband. My personal opinion is that children mind better with spanking used as a discipline. There is a difference between spanking and beating. However, I am not about to make that decision for another parent, each should decide on their own how they choose to discipline.
I think the much BIGGER issue here is between you and your husband and I would be more focused on that. He knew how you felt about spanking and he choose to do it anyway. I'm sure he knows how you feel about adultry..... would he choose to do that anyway also?
In the end this is YOUR son and he is simply the stepparent and you need to be on the SAME page about how to deal with him when he misbehaves. Sounds like you and hubby need to have a long talk about your feelings and boundaries to avoid this kind of disrespect for your wishes in the future.

Answer 9

spank the toddler where the clap will be heard right back to the bones of the primate The clap is heard only in the room But in the generations that it will be passed down to like a the wings of a butterfly, the vibrations of air- the chaos theory is produced onto the heir I had really thought you were making a poem about the five finger shuffle (just looking at the title)

Answer 10

Spanking is never the answer. Maybe once or twice, but not something over that. I don't believe the kid was doing anything wrong. You should confront, and speak to your child. I think you should talk to you husband.