To experiment or not to experiment?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years living together for 2, he's older and its a very sexual relationship. It started as him becoming aware of my past where I had experimented with a same sex partner. He wanted me to do this so he could watch (which I haven't done). It has now gone to him imagining me being with him and another guy I play along because he is insistant that I not ruin this fantasy for him. He now keeps making comments about really wanting me to be with him and another guy. He wants us to get married in Vegas and him get us a male prostitue. To be honest I don't think our relationship can handle going to that level. I have pretty much become a homebody because he has issues with me going out to have dinner/drinks with friends because his exwife cheated on him. I love him very much but don't think this is a good idea us going down this road. I feel like I can't tell him because he gets offended so easily he will take this personally. What to do?

Answer 1

He sounds pretty controlling and I wonder if there is some abuse going on here too.

You need to find the strength to get out of this abusive relationship and find a man who will treat you with some dignity.


M

Answer 2

Personally? I'd dump him. It sounds like this guy has a LOT of issues, and if he's already keeping you home and not allowing you to go out and have fun because of previous baggage, sleeping with you and a male prostitute is going to shoot his trust levels even lower and you would never be able to leave the house or speak to anyone ever again. Why does he even want you to do this? Have you asked him? He may be pushing you in some crazy attempt to test how much he can trust you and won't be satisfied until you've failed him. He needs some counseling. I do not think this is a healthy relationship for either of you.

Answer 3

By all means, do NOT go through with HIS fantasy. If he is insecure now, he will be even more insecure if it's you, him and another man. This is what I predict will happen, he will be watching and after all is said and done he will claim that you enjoyed having sex with the other guy more or you liked it better than him, etc. If you don't feel your relationship couldn't withstand something like this then go with your gut instinct. Besides, what does his ex-wife's cheating have to do with you? His ex cheated, not you so do let him put you in that catagory. He may be older but he sounds more immature and needs to get a grip on his insecurity...

Answer 4

I had the same problem with my EX husband - you can pretty much guess WHY he's my ex. His fantasies are only going to get worse, he's only going to want more.
Tell him how you feel - don't say 'when you do this' becuase it points the blame on him & he'll just get defensive. Try saying things like...
Talking about having $sex with another guy makes me feel uncomfortable, unloved, unwanted, not good enough, you get the point...
Focus on your feelings - I seriously think you need counseling - maybe hearing from an impartial person that what he's doing really hurts you will help him want to change.
He has to WANT to change - if not, you might want to throw in the towel before things get more serious. Think about the rest of your life. Are you really willing to feel this way? I wasn't. You should respect yourself more than that.
Good luck - see a counselor together!

Answer 5

This does not sound like a good situation. He wants to go to a prostitute which is not very safe. In addition, he appears to have trust/jealousy issues. This could be a accident waiting to happen. It is very important to have a life outside of your partner meaning drinking with friends. If at all possible, I would try and get away from him.

Answer 6

Wow. I'd stick to your guns. It sounds like you've done what you can do get past your previous history and yet now that he knows he's really wanting to have fun with it whether it hurts your feelings or makes you feel bad or not. I'd put my foot down BEFORE getting married, and having a prostitute is asking for trouble, health wise and legal wise. He might also have unresolved issues from his first wife that he needs to work out too...before getting married. Let him get offended, he's not the only one in this relationship, you know? =)

Answer 7

If he has issues with you going out because he ex wife cheated, what do you think he will go through with you have relations with another man? He is asking for a reason to not trust you and you should explain this to him. If he insist, flip the script and ask him to sleep with another woman then explain how that would make you feel, maybe he can then relate.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

Ask him if he would do it with someone so you can watch his reactions since you already know what your experience led you to understand.

Seems marriages are best when both parties are mentally flexible together. Willing to explore, but not stretch their imaginations any further then they already have chosen to put limits on.

Don't comply with his rants and don't bend to his will, if you have already done it and don't want to anymore.

Or you and he may meet up with some couple or someoone who doesn't have limits which you both will not want to experiment with. Then it be to late to turn back.

Answer 10

Do not marry this person...do you really want to be isolated the rest of your life because of HIS insecurities? On top of that, he's trying to coerce you into doing something you don't want to do.

Evaulate why you are clinging to someone who appears to be needy, manipulative, and controlling. NOT a good romantic match sugar...no matter how much you think you love him.