Perfection?

Question

Someone's answer to another question made me realize that I might have a problem on my hands. Let's see where should I start with this. My question is: Would you consider this to be abuse? My boyfriend always expects perfection to the point where it causes an arguement if I'm not. Mainly it's just little things like how I do something or the way I answer him...
If you think this is abusive please give me some ideas on what to do. I don't want to leave him over this, I just want to fix it and continue with our relationship. We have a happy and loving relationship aside from this issue and I don't want to lose that.

Answer 1

You need to sit him down and explain to him that it is impossible to meet the high standards he sets for you.

Most likely he sets these high standards for you or expects you to be perfect because he himself lacks perfection. He feels like the relationship will work if just one of you is 100% perfect.

News flash for him no one is ever perfect. We can spend our lives trying and that's not always a bad thing, but we will never be.

Good Luck and God Bless

Answer 2

if it bothers you (be honest), then it is a problem, whether it is abusive or not. it can only be fixed if HE admits it is a problem. talk to him about it, and start expecting to be treated with more respect. if you are willing to keep being treated that way, why on earth would he feel a need to change. if, after you bring it to his attention, he continues and makes no honest effort to change his behavior (or it worsens in any way), move on. you deserve better than being treated like you are stupid or ignorant, or being told what your personality should be. you say you are a happy loving couple "aside from this issue"- i wonder if you are truely happy or just scared of taking a closer look at your relationship. good luck.

Answer 3

". I don't want to leave him over this"

You answered it yourself...there is no help for you because the ONLY possible answer to a gal who is being abused..is LEAVE.

it does not get better and as he gets older he is only going to get picker and more abusive and he will expect you to continue to take it without a word as you have thus far and when you being to speak back your face WILL run into his hand.

You cannot fix abuse because he is not going to think it is abusive and as long as he believes what he is doing is OK he is going to dog your azz each time you complain.

How on earth you can think his behavior has anything to do with LOVE is beyond me. It ALWAYS starts out as "little things" she ALWAYS loves him so much she cannot leave.

It's a tired boring movie by now and I am at the point of saying girls who put up with this crap get 100% of what they deserve.

Answer 4

It sounds like a control issue. If he's to belittle you later by calling you bad names etc, then that is abuse, verbal abuse.

I would straight out ask him why he expects absolute perfection from you over something very unimportant like the tone in your voice when you answer him. If he keeps making it a problem, I would tell him that this really turns you off, and if he is going to continue this as a problem, then you aren't sticking around because you are better then petty drama.

Answer 5

Not abuse but unrealistic and unfair expectations. My daughter is a perfectionist and has made herself ill over it. Thankfully she does not project this on to others. Your b/f is projecting on to you and if you don't want to leave him now, you shall in the future unelss he changes his behaviour and you get this fixed now. He needs to be told exactly how you feel and unless he is willing to deal with it and play fair then you have two choices - learn how to be perfect and suppress your personality so you can remain with Mr Wonderful or go and find a guy who loves you for who you are not for what he thinks you could be if you were only like him. I am a pedant but I eschew perfection for the Divine. We may aspire to perfection but his behaviour has signs of monomania and I think you are too nice by the sound of it to let his behaviour continue unchecked.

Answer 6

I think you should ask him what does he expect of you. Sounds to me like he expects you to be like him...if that's the case, I wonder if he has an over-inflated idea of his perception of right v/s wrong. Albeit, he may be intelligent and practical and stuff like that, but sometimes being wrong is what makes the world go round... He should ask himself if he'd rather be with himself instead of appreciating the differences you have that have the potential to make himself whole.

Answer 7

You don't have a happy loving relationship. You have good sex and there's more to a relationship than sex.

Now if he's curious about a subject and asks you how you know something every once in a while - that's normal. but if you fight over this then it's bad.

Ditch this guy. He's selfish and controlling. You will be unhappy.

Answer 8

He sounds like a joke. He should accept you. Relax and take no crap off him. Just speak to him about it and tell him how you feel and that he should look at himself and the way he perceives you not the other way around.

The problem is with him and only he can change that. Try and help him.

Answer 9

Perfection doesn't exist where humans are concerned. You need to sit him down and explain how you feel when his expectations of you, end in an argument. He should be with you because he likes who you are, not trying to change you (which is what women typically get accused of doing).

Answer 10

Just tell him that you have a problem with this because it is pretty messed up. I dont think that he realizes that you are your own person and you run your life. If after you talk to him he doesnt change his ways then leave his compulsive ***.