I have asked my question before, but now I have more background info: I have been dating my bf for 3 years, and have been discussing marriage for awhile (we aren't officially engaged yet, but will be sometime soon). His younger sister (a few months younger than me) got engaged last summer, and is planning a big ostentatious destination wedding in the Caribbean for summer of next year. The problem is, my bf and I had been talking about getting married in spring of next year since before his sister got engaged. Now that my bf is about to graduate college and things become more official, we wanted to start talking about a date, but I'm not sure if it is a good idea to plan a wedding for a few months before his sister's wedding. I don't want a big showy wedding like hers, but is it ever ok to do this? I don't want to cause problems before I'm even officially in the family.
2007-05-14 08:24:28 · 18 answers · asked by Galaxie Girl 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
To Jenn:
Just so you know, my bf was actually the one who brought up marriage first in our relationship, not me. We are not rushing - we've already been dating for 3 years, which is way longer than either of our parents dated, and they're all still married. And as for being stupid, I graduated top of my class in the largest civil engineering department in the country last year, how about you?
2007-05-14 08:52:22 · update #1
Talk to her about it. Let her know that you aren't trying to beat her to the punch and that you aren't trying to steal her spotlight. I would also reccommend using a completely different color scheme/theme. Also make sure it's at least two or three months away from her wedding.
2007-05-14 08:38:37 · answer #1 · answered by orangeflameninja 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some girls can be so touchy about this, which is understandable if you chose a date a few weeks before hers. However, if you leave a good time between weddings, as if your wedding is a totally different style to hers then it should not be too much of an issue. I'd sit with her and your fiance and talk with his sister and come to a suitable agreement that suits you, and does not upset her. On another note, a few years ago ALL of my friends of marrying age got engaged around about the same time, and their weddings were booked a week after each other, so for about 8 weeks I went to a wedding every weekend, as we all attended the same church it was virtually the same wedding party every weekend, we still had fun and we still made every effort to make the day as special as possible for our friends, if it is planned sympathetically then there should be no issues at all.
2007-05-14 22:37:22 · answer #2 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's totally understandable why you feel this way, as would anyone. But you have to understand your sister is excited for this time to come and wants you to take part in it with her. I recommend explaining to her that you love her, happy for her, and want to be a part of it with her but at the same time you just went through a bad break up and sometimes its hard for you to help her. This way she does not feel like you simply do not care. It will be tough but this should be fun you both you and your sister. Just because she is younger than you and getting married before it does not matter. When the right man comes along for you it will feel that much better to have it. As for you feeling your sister is too young, maybe you feel this way because she is marrying before you? Either way if she has decided to follow through with marriage just talk to her and make sure she is in it for the right reasons. If not, she can only learn from her mistakes. But be positive and hope for the best that this marriage will work. Goodluck and stay strong. Do not let emotions from a lieing jerk bring you down especially in such ways. Be strong and also be there for your sister.
2016-05-18 00:22:23 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go for it! Your future sister-in-law is having a 2 year engagement, and everyone else's life does not have to stop to accommodate HER schedule! Besides if she's having a destination wedding it's quite likely that hardly anyone will show up, so it's not like it's a duplicate event for most people.
Good luck with your wedding... I'm sure you're marriage will be a success since you're obviously a thoughtful person, and that's something you need to be to be married :)
2007-05-14 20:36:32 · answer #4 · answered by endorable 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definately make sure that it is more than a month before hers, 2-3 months would be best to make sure that her pre-wedding events do not conflict with yours.
Sadly, whoever set the date first is the one who gets the date. Since your bf will have his plate full with graduating from school, starting a new job, and everything, you might want to push a wedding back to fall - just so that he's not stressing out about the wedding when he SHOULD be stressing out about his finals. Waiting until fall gives him the opportunity to really enjoy the wedding and the wedding planning.
2007-05-14 08:58:45 · answer #5 · answered by Patti C 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
persoanlly i wouldn't recommend having your wedding a short time before your future sister-in-laws. First of all if you are inviting some of the same guests to your wedding as hers it will be very expensive to come to both. also even though there is a couple months between the wedding it would not be fair to your sister-in-law because in a way it's like stealing her sunshine...
2007-05-15 05:54:26 · answer #6 · answered by stephanie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as it isn't the month before I don't think that it is a problem. Maybe you should talk to your boyfriend and have him talk to his family to see if it would be problem for them. Remember, it is your wedding and not his sisters so if you have your heart set on spring then that is what you should do.
2007-05-14 08:35:34 · answer #7 · answered by LadyD1019 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is your choice. If you are paying for your own wedding. I would however look into who is paying. If you want his parents to contribute, it may be a strain since, well sister is having such an affair. If you want to keep it simple, and plan on doing it yourself, I do not see a problem with you getting married before her.
2007-05-14 08:30:16 · answer #8 · answered by mamatucker 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would think it's okay as long as there are at least three months in between. Might be a good idea to talk to your guy's parents to see how they feel about having two family weddings in such a short space of time.
2007-05-14 08:40:13 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't consider this a problem. I got engaged in December and I'm not planning on getting married until May 2008. My step-brother got engaged in January and got Married in April. It wasn't a big deal to me that he got engaged after me and married before me. If you are concerned with this, talk to your boyfriend's sister to make sure she has no problems with it.
Best of luck!
2007-05-14 08:31:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋