I had an argument with her fiance about three years ago and havent seen him since and he doesnt think i have always been completely supportive of their relationship, and he doesnt think i should be in the wedding. Granted ,they are having a wedding party of 12. She said it was a hard decision to make but she had to do it. Everytime i talk to her she mentions that her wedding wouldnt be the same without me and that she hopes that i can ,ake it. After being hurt so bad im not sure what to do. I am still invited but feel completely slighted as a friend. Do i still go???
2007-05-14 07:04:06 · 21 answers · asked by Lili 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
YES!!!!!
I would consider yourself lucky. Now you don't have to wear the ugly dress and suck up to Bridezilla. Bring a good looking date or check out the groomsman and have a wonderful time. Living well is the best revenge.
After this you probably will never see her again anyway. Quite frankly it is her loss. You sound smart and considerate.
2007-05-14 07:08:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 4⤋
Of course you go! This is HER day! The happiest day of her life and she wants to share it with you! Just because you are not a bridesmaid, doesn't mean you shouldn't celebrate with her. She made that choice to please her husband (right or wrong, doesn't matter). Missing the wedding will just hammer another coffin nail into this friendship. Being a big enough person to overlook your hurt feelings will go a long way toward healing it. Time to bury the hatchet with the new husband. Go to that wedding with a nice gift, a smile on your face, give a nice toast and let them BOTH know that you are a supportive friend.
2007-05-14 07:15:20 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel M 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course you still go.
It's not about you (sorry to say) it's about them.
You and the groom don't like each other, well good for her for respecting his wishes (that doesn't make him right by the way that just means he's the groom).
But the bride wants you to be there. If you are her friend you should go.
So go, be happy for her on her big day. You don't have to dance with the groom, but at least be there to support them.
As for whether you've been supportive... well go and support. Don't be absent and let that accusation of being not supportive seem right. Just be the bigger person and help your friend have the wedding say she wants.
2007-05-14 07:19:37 · answer #3 · answered by Sapiens 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
To put it very simply, if you don't support their relationship, you should not be standing up as a member of the bridal party. If you feel that this is a misunderstanding that needs to be cleared up and that you do indeed support their relationship, then call her and talk to her about it. Make peace with her fiance, but understand there may still be some hurt feelings on his part. It is THEIR decision as a couple whether or not you should be involved.
As to whether or not you should go, that depends on the severity of your disagreement with her fiance. If he is adamantly opposed to you being there, I would graciously decline as it is his wedding day as well as hers. If you can at least be civil to each other for your friend's sake, go to the wedding as a gracious guest and wish them both well.
Whatever you do, don't make your friend choose between you and her soon to be husband, because you will lose. If there is any way to make the peace between the two of you, I would try it. I'm sure your friend hates being in the middle of all of this, and I think both of you (you and her fiance) can honor both relationships with her by trying to make peace.
2007-05-14 07:08:27 · answer #4 · answered by Silver_Stars 6 · 6⤊ 1⤋
You should definitely go. She probally didn't choose you to be a bridesmaid bc she didn't think you would get along with her fiance while all of the wedding things are going on, like at the rehearsal and parties and things. She's still your friend and wants you there, and even though you feel slighted as a friend, you should go to support her.
2007-05-14 07:22:43 · answer #5 · answered by jenn_sr03 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
GO. Put on a pretty dress, get your hair done and show up with a smile. Show your support. She wants you there and she probably feels terrible that she had to make a decision that dropped you from the wedding. Then, the ball is in her court. If your friendship continues, she'll need to make an effort to be there for you. You've shown you care enough to swallow your pride and go even when you were hurt. If you continue to be slighted after the marriage, I'd re-evaluate if the friendship is worth the effort.
2007-05-14 07:17:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Yes you still go and you also grow up before you go. Just because she didn't ask you to be part of the wedding party doens't mean you have a right to be mad at her. Choosing bridesmaids is a difficult thing to do especially if you have many friends which she obviously does. You mention a lot about your relationship with your friend's fiance but you mention nothing about your relationship with her. Have you not talked with her in three years either? If I haven't talked to my "best friend" from college in over a year I would never think that I would be part of her wedding party. Go, get over yourself, and have fun with all your friends from college who you probably haven't seen in awhile.
2007-05-14 07:17:05 · answer #7 · answered by LadyD1019 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Whether you support their relationship or not, your friend is telling you that she wants you to be there....she has extended an invitation, and it is up to you if you want to be there.
Personally, I think you should go.
I don't think it is wrong of her to not have you in her wedding party. It sounds like there are some bitter feelings between you and her future husband. It wouldn't really be fair to him to have you in the wedding if in fact you aren't supportive of their relationship. Remember, this is HIS day too!
I think you are over-reacting about not being in the wedding. You obviously mean a lot to your friend....but why would anyone want someone not backing their decision on their marriage to stand beside them when they are starting the rest of their life with the person who THEY want to be with.
So, you are saying you aren't sure you want to go because you feel hurt.....so you REALLY think the appropriate approach would be to NOT go to her wedding when she's told you she wants you to be there. You want to upset her ON HER WEDDING DAY?!?!?!
That just seems kind of thoughtless on your part...
2007-05-15 01:55:28 · answer #8 · answered by jezyka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm this is a new one... 'friendzilla'? :) Yes of course you should go. Not too sure about why you are so hurt.. you don't like the groom so why would you want to stand up at his wedding?
Your greatest gift to the bride can be your smiling presence at her wedding... and not giving her additional stress! If you want to keep her as a friend, you'll need to make peace with her new husband as well.
2007-05-14 20:10:23 · answer #9 · answered by endorable 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you and she are still friends then yes you should go. Just because you are not a bridesmaid, is not really a reason. Just think, you dont have to stand up there in a big dress and be hot while taking photos. You get to enjoy the day, with out all the stress. Take someone you like to spend time with and be so nice to the groom, just to make him wonder. Smile at him and remember friendship usually lasts longer than marriage.
2007-05-14 07:16:42 · answer #10 · answered by mamatucker 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
First of all, this is about her and him... not about you.
If he does not want you to stand up in their wedding, then you will not stand up. However, if you are invited, then you should be on your best behavior, and support your best friend on the most important day of her life.
If you continue to act immature, then you will succeed in two things, 1) to cast a grey cloud on THEIR ceremony by trying to turn this into something about you, and 2) so allienate your friend that she severs her relationship with you too.
Choosing the wedding party is very stressful, mainly because you fear that you are upsetting someone. Your behavior is really uncalled for.
2007-05-14 07:20:36 · answer #11 · answered by Patti C 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋