**Abusive Relationship** Help me save my life**?

Question

For the last 5 years my mother has been EXTREMELY abusive verbally, emotionally, and physically. I found solace when I went away to college, but I have just finished my first 2 semesters and I am back at home for the summer. I have been home for two days but my mother has already started her old ways.

When I went away to school I enlisted the help of a counselor who help me significantly work through my anger and depression issues associated with the abuse I received from my family. I thought that I would be okay for the summer, but mother has the power to completely make me feel like dirt and I feel myself spiraling down again.

I get a significant amount of child support from my father (who I am estranged from) that goes directly to my mother. She will not give me the money, and I use it to pay my tuition. Since I am 19 I cannot call child services. Where can I get help, and find someone to help me gain control of my money because it’s all that I have left at this point?

In NJ the parent is respnsible for paying child support until the child turns 22 if they are enrolled in school. That is why my mother still gets child support. I have a student loan that is paying my way through school, my mother does not use the child support to pay for my education. My father does not want me in his life, I haven't talked to him in 2 years. He is not an option for me at this point.

Answer 1

You need to take her to court. Yes it sounds horrible to take your own mother to court, but if shes not paying you the money thats for you. Shes abusing you. So shes stealing and shes hurting you. That ISNT a mother. You need to take her to court and get your money for college so you can start your life. Then they will send her somewhere to get help to stop her ways of being abusive. Good luck. All my prayers.

Answer 2

There are women's shelters for abused women. Most women who go to shelters are fleeing abusive boyfriends or husbands, but they will take in a person like you fleeing a relatives abuse as well. They can also offer counseling and legal advice.
So please look for women's shelters in your area. They will give you a place to stay, food to eat, and you can then apply for jobs within walking distance and maybe just start working and saving some of your own money to get on your feet. Try contacting your dad as well to tell him about what is happening.

Your mom is not your only option for a place to stay. I am sure you have SOMEONE out there. Maybe you could stay with your dad. You are an adult so custody papers mean nothing now. You might stay with an auntie or grandparent or uncle or cousin or friend. Don't go home. That was a bad move. Get out now.

Oh do you know there are JOBS that include room an board? Example: Nanny, in home care giver to some elderly people, and summer camp counselor or cruise ship worker. THere are jobs you can go to that will put you up with a place and food too. Especially now summer is on, you will see alot of ads for camp counselors. Open your eyes. You have alot of options. Military is one as well. They will put you up, feed you house you and pay you, and help with college later on. You aren't without options. You are grown.

Answer 3

There is Adult Protective Services. Tell them your story and maybe call your counselor for some immediate support. You may have to get some legal advice also.

Don't give up. Be proactive and make some calls. Remember that whatever your mother says to you is not true. If she starts hitting you then you can file assault charges.

You may need to get somebody to speak with your father on your behalf about making other financial arrangements but be ready for him to stop making any payments since you are an adult now. But if there is any good parts left to your relationship with your dad, now is the time to try and build upon those. The chances that your mother will ever change are very slim. There will probably be nothing you can ever do or accomplish that will change her so don't drive yourself crazy trying.

You are on your way to your own life. Hang in there. Email me if you just need to blow off some steam.

Answer 4

First of all, being 19, there shouldn't be anymore child support going to your mother. If he has agreed to pay your college tuition, try and get him to give it to you, or put it in a college fund so you can continue your education. Next, and most important, get away from that situation! Don't allow that woman to break your spirit; don't give her that power! Get a summer job and find a friend you can room with, or a room for rent. Please realize that, by taking control and responsibilty for your own life, you keep your power! Use this unfortunate situation to empower yourself once again. See this as a life challenge to overcome, not a hindurance to the evolvement of your soul. (***P.S. Continue with personal counseling to help you resolve abuse issues***) I wish you the very best in life sweetheart!

Answer 5

Ok, first off...when you turn 18 (unless you still LIVE with the custodial parent which you do not because you are stayign away for college) child support is cut off. NO IF ANDS OR BUTS ABOUT IT! And the money your mother received for child support was never YOUR money but hers in order to provide food, clothes, and a roof over your head! Secondly, you are 18...if you do not like how she treats you then leave...find some place else to stay for the summer.

Answer 6

You need to find someone, a friend or another family member to reside with, if your mothers abuse is affecting you in such a negative fashion. You would be better off to move out on your own and struggle with finances than to live in an abusive situation.

Please contact the counselor you were working with in college and see if he/she has any suggestions for you. Some colleges have residential placement for students who are spending their summer break working in the area of the college campus.

Your mother obviously has some emotional and mental health issues for her to be treating you in this way. You are now considered to be an adult, so you are going to have to be strong enough to stand up on your own and face this.

You also have to check into the support that is being sent to your mother, you may have to discuss this with your father. If you do not have a good relationship with your dad, you will have to work this out. If the support is being sent in order for you to continue your college studies, possibly the payments could be divided between your mother and your college.

I do not know why your mother is still receiving support payments for you, as you are considered to be an adult; once you reach that age of eighteen, for the most part. You should contact a lawyer who specializes in family law, there are generally lawyers who are available through state sponsored programs who will do this type of work pro-bono; which means that you will not get charged for the legal work.

If you do not have a job, get one. This will enable you to feel more responsible for yourself, more in control and will actually keep you out of the abusive situation as much as is possible. You should not be dealing with any type of abuse from anyone for any reason, especially for the sake of money.

You have to become more responsible for yourself and come to the realization that many people have unacceptable relationships with their parent choose to do well in life with support of friends and others once they reach adulthood.

You can obviously do well without your mother and her problems in your life, you have gotten through two semesters of college, do this for yourself, be strong for yourself. You can do it, you are intelligent enough to be in college and you have gotten counseling, so you can move forward out of this situation.

I wish you the best.

Answer 7

Hey. I can help you through the coping process along the way, but you gotta put a stop to all of this. Does she still physically abuse you? If she does, go to the police. Any place is better than living with her. Your mother won't get better until she gets help; and living with her isn't going to do it. If you'd like, we can work together on what you can do to fix this situation. All the while I can help you deal with all that's going on. It'll be alright. My e-mail address is [e-mail]. We can also talk over an instant messenger, to make it easier.

Heath

Answer 8

Call the child support agency who ordered the judgement; but in pretty much every state, the money is not yours. It goes to your mother to support you; it's a fine line of difference, but that's probably how your state law reads. CS will know the best way to proceed if there is anything that can be done.

Answer 9

get in contact with an attorney as soon as possible. you poor thing. i can only imagine how you must feel. explain to the lawyer what's going on and he will tell you what the law is and what steps to take.

in the mean time you need to get away from her. find a close friend or family member you can stay with until you go back to school. i wish you all the best and if you need to talk you can email me anytime. i've been in an abusive relationship where the father of my child stabbed me four times and then left me for dead. i can certainly relate. maybe not entirely but i definately understand.

Answer 10

I would consult an attorney. Most of them will give a free consultation. At your age, he should be able to help you get the money from her. He may want a percentage, but at least you will get it. Good luck, and I'm sorry that you were born into the wrong family. You need to move as soon as you get the money. Get a summer job too.