need hep! mother and i are not on good terms right about now?

Question

my mother and i never really got along, but on mothers day was when things really started going down hill. it was a norman day, everything was going fine until my uncle showed up. hes been coming over everyday for quite sometime now, always the same thing: being annoying, drinking liquor and beer, smoking; ive just had enough. when he does this he basically talks out of his u know what; saying he wants to hurt and kill ppl, sayin hes god, and all kinds of crazy things...im just fed up. i told my mom weeks ago about this, but i guess she paid it no mind. well, i was cursing, like i always do; its a bad habit thats hard to break, and he was saying stupid stuff, and i was just like, "stop saying ur gonna try and kill ppl all the time" and he basically told me to shut up....i was sooo pissed because he said ur not grown until u have kids and blah blah blah. im 18, almost 19 hopefully, and yeah, im not an adult, but i also think that having kids doesnt make u one; thats just retarded....

things got soo heated that my mom told him to go outside and she followed...to keep this short, i wen outside and asked to speak to her, and she was all mad and yelling because she was all like i had no right to say that i dont like him getting drunk in the house that its her house and all that but he gets crazy when hes drunk. he threatened to kick my a$$ and thats what through me over the top. my mom and i arent on good terms right now; i feel as if she doesnt give a crap about how i feel!!! im tired of the drinking, the passing out, the rudeness...errr, and she wont even listen to what i have to say!! i cant even talk to her without getting upset!!

i didnt want mothers day to turn out like this ='(

yeah its her brother but hes not respectful; he shouldnt be making threats and telling me what to do; we have probs of our own and dont need his

were not really speaking cause of what happend; she was there taking his side basically

Answer 1

And where is the connection between your mother and this incident?

Answer 2

Honey, It seems to me your issues are with your Uncle and his unsociable behaviour. Your Mom is in the middle she has divided loyalties. However I think you both need to set your boundaries so that you know what you expect from eachother in your relationship. Ie. Your Uncle isn't going to change anytime soon. But your Mom and you can have a talk .
NB.It's important that you both have your turn to be heard.But don't shout, accuse, or talk over each other.This will go nowhere.
a. She states how she sees the problem of your Uncle and her. Then seperately you and her.What she wants to happen to make things work , so that you can have a good relationship.
b. After she's finished you have your turn to do the same.
Even if you and your Mom go out for a girls day/ night out have a meal, shop see a movie whatever, but only you 2 no Uncle.
People come into our lives to help us deal with issues we need to overcome in order to move on and become more fulfilled. You don't have to agree, but respect that they are dealing with their issues the best way they know how. Some don't and this is your Uncles result. It's important that communication is left open, so you can sort things before they get out of hand.
Good luck ciao

Answer 3

I cannot imagine how you feel, but can only try. I lost my mother at a very young age and Mother’s Day is such a special day. Today I have kids of my own ... your age... :-) Take time out ... sometimes it's better to keep quiet for a while ... This gives both you and your mom time to think. I can assure you that you have the right to feel the way you do. I can also assure you that your mom realizes this and she is sorry in her heart for reacting the way she did. Just give it a bit of time and when things cooled down, walk to her and say mom I love you and I know you love me, but please can we talk? You will get more done with a soft approach. Mmm… and try to cut down with the swearing habit, had the same problem … :-) Good luck... Hugsssssssssss

Answer 4

You know the world is full of as..holes, unfortunately one of them is your uncle. I guess this is your mothers brother. I suppose she feels responsible for him when he gets into this state, absolutely zero excuse for the way both of them speak to you.
Kiddo.. and I mean that with respect, you need to take your mum aside when this as..hole isn't there and say that you don't want to argue and can you have a serious talk.
If your mother is a reasonable woman she will agree, you need to explain that you know this is her house but this as..hole (nicely put) is putting undue pressure between the two of you. Ask her does she know what the underling problem is in his life!!! If he is an alcoholic she needs to help him, but letting him feed the problem by coming over and abusing you isn't going to help your family or him
Well that is one thought
2nd thought is just go to you room and don't come out when he is there
3rd thought, go to a friends house if possible
4th thought, can you move out
They say you can pick your friends, unfortunately you cant pick you family

Good luck buddy..
PS try and not loose your cool (by swearing) and show who the adult in the family really is

Answer 5

You uncle sounds like he had real issues and yes you are an adult - is it possible to move out because it sounds like your mother has no self esteem and no ability to tell your uncle its not appropriate to speak to yuo like he does not be druk in her and your home nor talk about harming people which is threatening. It also sounds like you clash with your mother on most subjects. I sugest you look at moving out because you cant relax with a drunkn razy person ranting away. I would not bother talking to your mother about her brother because I cant imagine her taking your side if she is so protective of this person

Answer 6

Sounds like it is time for you to move out. It is not your place to say anything to your uncle. It is your mother's house, and it is up to her decide whether she wants to put up with that or not. It is her brother afterall.

Answer 7

Distance yourself, there's too many lunatics in the world as it is and it's never wise to keep company with them.

Answer 8

Though I don't condone his behavior you seem to have a lot to say.Move out you are an adult

Answer 9

your uncle has serious problems.you should really really really talk this to your mom.tell her this concerns you so should she.your uncle really has to go to a shrink or whoever.