OK, mums and dads, do you think it is ok for other family members?

Question

in laws included to tell your kids off when you are in the same room, especially when you haven't had a chance to open your mouth and speak yourself.
This has been happening to me with one of my in-laws and I feel a bit peeved to say the least,

Answer 1

my sister-in-law used to do it all the time when my girls were small and it really used to drive me mad, in the end i got my husband to speak to her about it, when it still didnt stop i ended up telling her that it was my house and my daughters and if she had a problem with their behaviour to tell me. now that they are older they remember things she would say to them and dont have no time for her. by the way they are now the most politest grown up young ladies who i am very proud of.

Answer 2

You should talk to them about it in private, let them know how you feel, but in general I thinks that's become the custom cause most mums and dads now a days don't really tell their kids off at all. I don't have a problem with people disciplining others as long as they allow you to do the same when their kids are around.

Answer 3

It depends. If it is in their house then their rules apply but on the other hand they should consult u first and defo give u the chance to tell ur kids off. I wud think it has got a lot to do with force of habit. Ur in-law is probably a father or mother themselves and therefore they may just find it comes naturally. Ur best bet is to approach them and thank them for their help, which u really appreciate, and any advice they can give wud be more than appreciated, but maybe u shud be the one who tells ur child off, just to save the kid any confusion.

Answer 4

I would not tell of another person's child unless the parent was ignoring their bad behaviour, or if the child hit or hurt me then I would say "That is not nice behaviour". I went out for dinner with my friends and their 4 year old, they did not discipline her even though she was running around the restaurant, sticking her fingers in someone elses food, screaming, jumping all over me, I had to say something as it was getting embarrassing. Maybe ask your in law to give you a chance to say something to the child, and that they are welcome to tell them off, but only when you are not in the room.

Answer 5

To be honest it depends on what Ur child was doing. if Ur child was being rude towards the person who told them off then i wouldn't have a problem. if it kept happening though id just take that family member aside and say it to them. but in a way there is no harm in your kids having respect for other adults other than u. that way they would be less likely to mis behave when u r not there.

Answer 6

No, it is most definitely not OK. It is important that the children see you as 'in charge'. If someone else tells them off whilst you are there, then you are nolonger perceived as 'in charge' in their eyes.
It is important though, that you have this discussion with your in laws when your children are not around, as it is not a good idea to involve them in a discussion.

It is also important that when you have this conversation with your inlaws you are as calm as possible and explain that not only this makes you uncomfortable, but from a child psychology point of view, it is actually counter productive!!

(Having in laws myself, i try and see them as little a possible!!)

Answer 7

I would of turned round and said its my child ill sort it out , especially if you were in the room thats the worst thing anybody can do the child will end up getting confused , it would be different if you werent in the room , id be having a little chat with this person if i was you .

Answer 8

One of my pet hates!!!!!!! Argh.
You can tell them not to do it. If they do it, simply stop them and say "I can deal with this. Thank you."
BTW I read a few of the comments saying suggesting that you are wrong. Well, you are wrong if you ignore the child's behaviour. But my children are very well behaved and I've never ignored their behaviour. So it really gets my goat when someone does this. Especially (and this is an even bigger hate) when their OWN children aren't chastised.

Answer 9

Why do you not check your kids behaviour before someone else has to do it, before their furniture gets wrecked by your kids! This happened to me in my own house, and because I kept my mouth shut not wanting to embarrass my so called Friend, her kids ended up demolishing my T.V. smashing in the front and also one of the glass doors on the front of the cabinet! As you would guess, I blew my top! They seemed offended that I had to shout at their destructive children! They never offered to pay for the damage, and we naturally do not spend much time with them now!

Answer 10

Depends really. if its a bossy, nosy, interfering inlaw that butts in and picks on them for everything, and has to have her opinion heard? then NO! id be pissed too. if on the other hand your kids behaved inappropriately and you arent the quickest to reprimand them, im all for it. a lot of parents have blinkers on and tend to 'let them go' as they are just kids. but behaviour and respect is something that should be really disciplined. Manners are the utmost of importance, whether its family, strangers or friends. You need to properly assess the situation and then go from there.