Is it my fault that he did this?

Question

I have been depressed for a little while after nearly losing my son in a car accident , moving away from my family for this man and having him lie to me and hit me when he gets angry. To the extent on whipping me. Today it was a bad day for me being alone and wanting him to come straight home. He came home yelling at me because I needed him home and apparantly he drove like a maniac and hit the side of his truck on a tree. He has even driven through a fence when he has got angry. I know I needed him home but is it my fault he chose to drive so irratically and damaged his own truck. Please tell me if I should be blaming myself.

Answer 1

Girl, you cannot be this naive, leave him and file charges against him right away before it get's worse..and it will. As for this guy, tell us who he is so someone will go kick his ass.

Answer 2

Uhhh, not only is it not your fault that he is a bad driver (only the person behind the wheel is responsible for the steering, not anyone else) but why are you with a guy who whips you? Move back to your family quickly; this guy has no right to be angry or to ever hit you. Don't blame yourself, no-one can help encountering people like these and many get into relationships with them. You're depressed, your self-esteem is low and he obviously knows how to get to you. Seriously, for your own good and your own piece of mind don't take that rubbish, cos being with someone who treats you that way will never make you feel anythnig but sad and depressed. You wanna be happy, right? We don't allow that kind of behaviour in our country, no man has the right to hit a woman ever ever ever, can't stress that enough. He needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own actions and stop being a child. Don't blame yourself, call the helpline for women in abusive situations and let them help you. You are worthy of a man who treats you like a princess. And no, once again, his driving skills or lack thereof are completely his own.

Answer 3

There is no fault of yours to what happen to this S.O.B truck this is no man if he has to hit a female do you not know what you are you are a angel you should be held loved admired cherished treated with the up most respect you are a women you are a creation from the good lord a work of art and perfection you deserve a man not a reject from he-l tell him to jump off a cliff and find a real man that will treat you like a godess like you should be. PLEASE LEAVE HIM

Answer 4

Yes you should be blaming yourself.. You are totally at fault, for being in such a relationship in the first place. Do you not think you are worth more than being a whipping post, or do you just enjoy the abuse? Get a counselor, and get out before the nut kills you or your son!
Now if you just enjoy an occasional spanking.. that is different!

Answer 5

You're not in the wrong here. Honey, why do you put up with this abuse? I get so sad when I hear or see woman going through abuse. You have a choice! How does this affect your child? Hope you have the Lord in your life as ONLY HE can guide and rescue you. Please don't let him do this to you anymore. You have the right to be happy and loved. 1Cor 13 verse 4-8...."Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, keeps no record of wrongdoings. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Pray my sister!

Answer 6

When he leaves for work tomorrow. Pack your stuff and get out of there before he kills you!!! I have been there. If finally left after he put a shotgun to my daughters head. They don't get any better. They get progressively worse. You do not deserve that kind of treatment. Call the battered women's organization in your community (the police dept can tell you how to contact them), and they will help you get on your feet!!!

By the way--It is not your fault if the idiot can't drive sensibly.

Answer 7

Sorry to hear about your son, it would depress anyone in such circumstances!

I don't know about this word "blame" that you are using!
Do we need to blame? It is a matter of learning that perhaps at such difficult time you needed someone when you felt vulnerable, and you didn't get the chance to make the right choice of a partner.
Leaving your family for that person as you placed it, you may be blaming him though, and have expectations of a kind that he can not fulfill!
If you made a mistake of the choice of partner is one thing, and it is just that, but staying with someone who abuses you goes beyond making a mistake. You choose to live with your mistake!

It is a funny thing about blame, one blames the other and creates a short circuit!
If you feel lonely, why not get to know some community groups or join some personal development classes, or grief group to deal with what is happening inside, rather then lean on him for that? If it is constant he may feel it is all too much and weighing him down, it happens when we don't have a permanent solution to someone else's problems that we are forced to live everyday with.

His behavior is not excusable, but see what it is that aggravates him and acts so irrational at times. Are you leaning on him too much or expect something that you wish he could give you but is incapable or unable to, or even may be too much for him to cope so he reacts aggressively?

You are not responsible for someone else's behavior out there, remotely, though the tone of your voice or pressure on him to be there, may had irritated him, for something he may have to do often-however, you are still not responsible as to how he drives under stress.
Do you try to evoke guilt in him for having left your family (for him as you placed it) and for not responding in a manner you wish him to?
Be honest to yourself because you are not doing yourself justice or take responsibility-to answer this to yourself, because such attempts to evoke guilt to get what you wish, can drive someone into aggression if they are prone to it! Take responsibility for any covert emotional issues, and don't take responsibility for someone else's feelings or choice of action.
I hope this helps you!
Good luck!

Answer 8

Now, do you honestly believe it's your fault? Because if you do, you need help. While I'm on the subject of help, I suggest HE get some. And you leave him ASAP. The last time a guy got violent with me, I bit him and called the police. I'd recommend doing the same.

Answer 9

you weren't driving so it can't be your fault. if he says it was your fault then call your insurance agent and file a claim. tell them you were home and he was on his way home and hit a tree because he was recklessly speeding. tell the agent it was your fault and that you take full responsibility for it and want it on your record and not his. make sure your boyfriend is listening on the other end so that when they start laughing and tell you it can't be done that way because you weren't involved maybe then he will know he screwed up and needs to grow up. mean time i hope you have dumped his pathetic butt. run fast before he hurts you. he needs to be locked up

Answer 10

He is blaming you because you wanted him home. Truth is: he was pissed so he drove like a crazy man. That is not your fault. He is playing with her head. Sounds like a loser to me. You need to leave, this life is not meant for anyone. Get out while you can. You do not need to take this abuse. Good luck. Do not blame yourself, it is him. He is crazy.

Answer 11

This man is abusive and you need help

Specially if he chose to drive so irratically and damaged his own truck=, and you are wondering if it is your fault

Think of your own well-being and get help, now!