Is It Over?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years now. Over the last year we have been arguing a lot and I feel that he is pushing me away. He has gone from being a really loving, affectionate and commited partner to more like a brother or a friend. I have to always ask him to kiss or cuddle me and he rarely says I love you unless I have said it first. More than anything, I want to get married and have a baby (Im 36 hes 41) but hes not so keen and changes the subject when it is brought up. It makes me so upset as I have done everything for him and his kids, have always put them first and feel like I have received nothing from him in return. I feel so unhappy and when I tell him that he says that it is me and wont see that it is him making me miserable. I try talking to him but it always ends in an argument then he acts like nothing has happened. I dont want to leave him as I love him so much, but I cant handle the arguments and rejection any more, its killing me. What can I do?

Answer 1

It could be that he is afraid to start any commitment due to his past failed relationships, may want to talk to him about that and see if anything will come out of it. ^-^ Good luck

Answer 2

It sounds like he's comfortable with the way things are, he's already got kids and at his age he doesn't want the responsibility and expense of raising another. The thing about changing the subject is typical male--ignore it and it'll go away. Sounds like your relationship is in a rut. If you're really unhappy about this, you'll have to talk to him about it, and be very specific (guys don't read between the lines, especially when they don't want to). You might write him a note, in order to get the words out the way you meant, without crying or fighting.
I think you should privately take a long, hard look at where your relationship is headed. You say he is "pushing you away"--he may just feel the "honeymoon" is over and it's time to go back to his own stuff. Maybe this is why he got divorced the first time! You have only his information on that, right?
Think hard before you push for a commitment with this person. If you reallly feel that he's rejecting you, why marry him! It won't make things any better, and it might make them worse.

Answer 3

Sounds like he is just using you to look after the kids and for his own selfish needs. He doesn't seem to want to get committed and the reason why you two are always arguing don't auger well for the relationship. You need to step aside and look at the entire situationwith the eyes of an outsider - is the relationship more of one of convenience for him or is there love? Don't like to break people up but for a relationship to work, it takes effort from both parties concerned and right now, it looks like it is pretty lop-sided.

Suggest you take a break, go off for a vacation and allow him and yourself some time to think things over - perhaps, once you are away and out of sight, he will probably realize how much he needs you and regret having taken you for granted. (It's sad but most people don't appreciate what they have until it's gone.) Give him and yourself some space, then when you have settled your thinking, come back together and try to talk and work things out.

Good luck ! Hope all work out fine for you!

Answer 4

sounds to me like this guy has commitment issues. If you stay with him maybe he will eventually want marriage too. If you leave him he might realize how much he needs you and want to get married. The best thing to do is give him an altimatum. you're still young enough to find someone else. better that than spending more time being upset about it. Oh and if you have a Ducati like your avatar suggests, then what do you need a man for anyway?

Answer 5

You are still young enough to find someone who will love you. It sounds very much as if this relationship is very one sided. He has someone there, looking after him, his kids, his home etc. If you are always arguing then ask yourself, would things be better if you were: married to him? had his baby? I think the answer is screaming out from your letter.
He will probably not realise what he has lost until it happens, then you may find that he tries to persuade you that he has/will change. Be wary, this will probably be the last ditch attempts of a guy who has realised that his life will be much harder without you.
Many guys find it very difficult to live on there own, most women I know, that have been in similar circumstances, can cope very well. Just be wary of rushing from one relationship to another.

Answer 6

It seems he has already had his share of the family thing and I cant see him suddenly wanting to start a new family with you. Sorry, but as much as you may love this guy he isnt giving you what you need - as a single 36yr old myself its harsh but the clock is ticking, you have to take the hard option and move on from this guy if having a family is so important to you - your not going to fulfill this with him. If you think you can put all desires to have children of your own out of your mind forever, as well as put up with the way he treats you then stay - I know what I wld do x good luck hon

Answer 7

Please dont put yourself through this any longer, it's obvious that this relationship is hanging by a thread. There is life after love you know. I'm 41 and have been single now for 3 years. I am doing more with my life now than ever before, i go to college, i've met new friends, i'm happy. I dont need a man and i dont want one at the moment. Finish this relationship and dont waste anymore of your precious time.

Answer 8

Sounds like it's gone the distance. People change. And you can't change a person to be what they were once or what you think they should be now. Your situation can't carry on. I suggest that you take a break from each other. You may find that this is the catalyst that wakes him up to your feelings. Good luck.

Answer 9

First, take a deep breath and look at yourself and how you've changed in the past few years. Often couples tend to forget to look at themselves. when you are in a long term relationship dont get too comfortable, always take care of urself, dress up, put on make up do things you used to do when you guys started dating, dont let go of urself. you dont want your man to start looking at other girls because you cant take 10 min to fix yourself up!! talk to him go on dates with him, and dont bug him too much with the nagging and telling him hows hes changed instead take over be sexy.................give it this one last chance and If this doesnt work, then im afraid you know what to do next. 5 years is a long time to be with someone thats why i wouldnt suggest to give up immediately, find out whats seriously been going on for the past year... something had to have happened...

Answer 10

Sounds like he just wants you to be a mom to his kids with no commitment on his part. Relationships take to and to go the distance communication has to be there. I think 5 years is long enough if he won't at least talk about it you should move on.

Answer 11

I know the feeling. Twelve years and I finally had to leave because I was good enough to sleep with him, wash his dirty clothes, clean his house, and cook for him, but I wasn't good enough to marry evidently. He took the best years of my life. I finally left him and now he sits at home alone every night. I sure hope he likes himself because he has no one else now.

Get out of there and don't let him waste any more of your life. The writing is on the wall. You are just ignoring all of the signs just like I did!!!