Ok, story:
I've known this guy since when i was 14 and he was 19(cause Our family are good friends), but he moved out of Hawaii and i hadn't seen him in 10 years. So we had an early summer bbq and he was there. Maybe cause i grew boobs and am now 24, that we just hit it off. It was wierd, but nice and I like him and he likes me. Well, he was only visiting and went back to S. Carolina. I just found out I'm pregnant and it's his (haven't had sex in 6 moths before).
Here's the problem: I found out he's had 3 miscarriages and 1 abortion with other girls throughout the 10 years. He must have supersperm or something. He doesn't want kids right now, and neither do I, but now I know I with child, and I wanna keep it.
HOW DO I TELL HIM? I have a feeling the reaction is gonna destroy that chemistry we have.
(Sorry so long)
2007-05-13 19:50:38 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
If he turns out to be a true *** then I'm not worried, cause it's not love. But I would like him in my child's life....that's what I'm worried
2007-05-13 19:53:13 · update #1
And I was on the PILL!!!
2007-05-13 20:02:57 · update #2
chem or not you gonna be a momma AND a DADDY so let him no cause if you keepin the baby he has no choice but to help. Babies are NOT a curse or a problem or a accident they are a BLESSING and they are all here for a reason!!! Let him know he will eventually warm up to the idea and be a DADDY or be an *** an pay child support through a court order either way you have been blessed with a BEAUTIFUL little Angel!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-05-13 19:57:25 · answer #1 · answered by morelandapril 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That wont be easy for you.
First, if he had 3 miscarriages and 1 abortion in the last 10 years, the guy definitively dont want to have children.
And if after those misadventure he is still fathering without thinking, that says a lot on his ability to care/respect a woman.
I dont think you have chemistry together or anything serious. That guy wanted to have fun ,as he did with the other girls before you.
There is no easy way to brake the news, he wont be pleased of the situation.
You could tell him over the phone, but expect a strong negative reaction from his part.
Or you could send hima letter/email/ and wait until the initial shock is gone to phone him.
You have to expected he wont give you any child support, unless you sue him, and that is if he has any money at all.
You have to be very realistic about your situation as a single mother.
Dont expect any help from him.
How are you gonna support a family alone?
What impact would it have on your life?
What quality of life would you have or could you give to a child?
Would you consider adoption?
Think long and hard, cause being a poor single mother is not something to be decide lightly.
The fantasy of having a child and the reality of raising one 24/7 are two different things.
Good luck to you
2007-05-13 20:04:46 · answer #2 · answered by annelle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem to have a pretty good idea of you. That's important. So focus on that. You are what matters, not him. If he is interested in participating, so much the better. Tell him that. He'll be concerned if you want money for child support. If you do, then, speaking as a man, I believe you should give him a say in whether you carry the pregnancy to term. If you are planning on financing everything on your own, then make up your mind right now that you aren't going to ask him for anything...EVER!! That way, if he offers anything it will be "extra" and welcome...but not required. As long as he knows you aren't coming after him he will most likely respect your integrity and develop a genuine interest in you and the baby. I believe any man would be interested in his child. How far that interest carries him is anybody's guess. But tell him and tell him he isn't expected to contribute financially. That will clear the air and make it possible for other things to happen. Good luck.
2007-05-13 20:00:49 · answer #3 · answered by judgebill 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It really doesnt matter how he feels its all about the child be honest and tell him how he reacts is his problem . The thing of it is if he doesnt want children keep it in the barn then he wont have to worry about it. That is what happens when people dont think of what could happen. I think you will be a good mom just make sure he stands up and takes responsibility. sorry for the lecture but i am a dad of 11
2007-05-13 20:02:56 · answer #4 · answered by rick k 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So just tell him. You already seem to know the kind of person he is and that he doesn't want kids so I don't know why you two didn't use some kind of protection in the first place. Expect to have a DNA test done to prove paternity and then if he still chooses not to be involved you take full responsibility and petition for child support. You don't HAVE to have a man to raise a child and raise them right.
2007-05-13 19:58:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...tought situation.
In person would be best, but that doesn't sound like an option. The next best would be a phone call. He needs to know the truth. Since he doesn't have a good history with kids...don't expect a positive reaction. If it destroys your relationship, then that's a relationship you don't want. This will be a test of your friendship.
2007-05-13 20:00:37 · answer #6 · answered by Groundhogg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all, he needs to learn to keep his willy in his pants if he isn't ready for kids. And if he can't control his urges, he needs to wear a "raincoat." He definitely needs to know you are pregnant. He is probably going to say it isn't his child and blah, blah, blah. So, be prepared. I would see if you two could get back together sometime SOON, either you go to him, or he come to you and you tell him. I would only tell him over the phone if that is the last resort. Make sure you tell him VERY SOON though. Good luck and God bless! PLEASE, PLEASE do not have an abortion. If you can't support a child, please give it up for adoption and help bless someone who can't have a child. Please don't resort to abortion. I hope he changes his tune though and decides to make it worth with you. I wish you all the best. Good luck, sweetie. Congrats on the new little blessing! Babies are so wonderful...little miracles! I have a 14 month old! :-) Her smile brightens my entire world.
2007-05-13 20:00:57 · answer #7 · answered by mother_of_a_princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that's a trick question? it took me 19 yrs to let my oldest daughters father know he has a kid. and to top it off he found out just last month, and it was on his 54 th b-day. i can tell you that he was very happy, and he told me that he had always felt that he had a child, but didn't have any clue as to why he had felt it. nor did he have clue it was me. heck we only had sex 3 times ever. so good luck
2007-05-13 19:58:22 · answer #8 · answered by wetttnwyld1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've got to ask yourself if you really want him in your and your baby's lives. Do you think he will step up to the challenges of fatherhood? How much hassle do you want to go through in the courts, trying to get child support? Visitations?
Good Luck!
2007-05-13 20:09:02 · answer #9 · answered by Devil's Advocate 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
at the start - sturdy on your Dad! He went to a one-on-one with him, and he ought to need to get the message loud and clean. flow away on my own, your movements will basically reason concern, and that's the mature portion of do.
2017-01-09 19:43:39 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋