My boyfriend has been asking me to marry him lately. We're both seniors, and I'm really considering it. I really love him, and I know he loves me back. I'm guessing that he may want to get married just so he can sleep with me, cuz I told him I wanna get married before I have sex and that I want my first time to be special. But I'm afraid if I turn him down, he'll just ditch me. He's not the kind that would cuz I know he loves me back, but I'm just scared I'll lose him..
The thing is, even though he says he loves me and I know I love him, there's this girl who just found out she's pregnant with his child. He really doesn't like her anymore, but I told him he has to stay with her. He still wants to marry me though. I'm confused!! Please give me some advice, thank you...
He slept with the girl when we were dating, at a party. He was drunk, and when he came to his senses, he confessed to me. I was super mad with at first, then I realized that he confessed because...
2007-05-13 19:00:35 · 21 answers · asked by Jayden 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
He wanted to be truthful. The way he tried to make it up to me just made me fall in love with him even more. He even said that he'd give up his basketball scholarship to Duke so that he could go to the same college as me. What do I do now??
2007-05-13 19:02:27 · update #1
I Married my highschool sweetheart and its been 12 yrs of marraige and 20 yrs of togetherness. No you should really wait untill you are out of highschool a couple of years... When he proposed it was my Senior year... but WE WERE ENGAGED FOR 2 YEARS just to make sure. (HE WAS DRUNK ) is a sorry excuse for a male that wants forgiveness .... If he is the father of another womans child.. YOU must be WILLING to put up with her all your life if you marry him. He has the right to see his child... but you may also worry that one day will he fall back in love with this woman later after we are married? He will see her often to exchange his child and you wont want any excuses such as... ((WOOPS! I had a few beers honey and I dont know what happened but one thing led to another ...i ended up sleeping with her again... she was crying on my shoulder.... blah blah.. blah...we have this child...little bobbys or bobetta needs his parents together...etc.))
Marraige should not be taken lightly consider all your options. There is nothing wrong with saying yes to his proposal.. but just dont set a date yet. If he pushes to set dates tell him your not ready yet. You should NEVER be pressured into getting married.. you have the right to take all the time you want if he REALLY REALLY LOVES YOU>> he will not have any issues with patiently waiting. This way... being engaged while STILL practicing safe sex so you dont get pregnant, this will give the both of you plenty of time to get to know each other more... even when ya think ya know everything about him.... you really dont. trust me..... this is the secret to making your marraige last make sure you know each other well enough before making that big commitment.
2007-05-13 19:25:09 · answer #1 · answered by misspookett 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Don't get married. You and your boyfriend will both undergo a lot of changes over the next several years. You will not be the same person in 5-8 years that you are now, and neither will he. If you get married now, you will probably find yourself in several years in a marriage with a guy you don't feel like you really even know.
And you're probably right that he wants to get married so you can have sex. Which means that after you've had sex, he may lose interest in you.
If you're afraid that he'll leave you if you don't marry him now, then you should probably break up anyway. If your relationship was secure enough for marriage, then you wouldn't be wondering if he might leave you if you made him wait a few more years. It's your decision, but if you marry him this young it will almost certainly turn out to be a mistake.
2007-05-14 02:07:22 · answer #2 · answered by IQ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, dont marry him! At least not now. Trust me, Diane, if he loves you then why not wait a few more years before marrying you? If you are ready for marriage, then your relationship with him should still be gold five years from now...Are you afraid that if you don't marry him now, your relationship will not endure another five years? If it does not, then it was never meant to be in the first place. Always be 100 percent sure before you marry someone. ..And the only way to do that is to WAIT IT OUT. Test the strenght of your relationship. At best, you will still be together and get married. At worst, he will leave you next year and you won't have a messy divorce on your hands.
The fact that he cheated on you is a BIG RED FLAG. If he does it once when he is drunk, he'll do it again when hes drunk.
And what about the girl who is pregnant with his baby?!!! Do you want a husband who has a child with another woman who he doesn't even care about because he "doesnt like her anymore"?!!!He will do the same to you.
Think carefully before making your decision - otherwise, you might end up in a marriage with a man who still has years of girl hopping and girl impregnating ahead of him....or worse, with a man who married you just to sleep with you....
good luck best wishes
2007-05-14 02:15:47 · answer #3 · answered by Safari G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off if he really loves you he will wait till you are ready to get married and wont pressure you into it. Second he probably confessed to you to make you realize that if you dont give it up he can and will get it elsewhere, drunk or not it is still wrong and is still cheating. Do you really think you can trust him enough to marry him? You will always wonder in the back of your mind if he is with another woman when he says he is out with friends. My advice would be to tell him you want to finish school before you marry him, just make sure its what you want and if you go ahead with it you should do some premarital counseling first because of the cheating. I dont know any man who can get so drunk that he doesnt know what hes doing but is still able to have sex, women yes men no. Think about it. Hope all works out for you/
2007-05-14 02:12:53 · answer #4 · answered by Andrea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Greetings,
The best thing you could do is run!!! If this guy truly loved you, he wouldn't have cheated on you (with or without the alcohol). He has no shame by blaming the alcohol for his cheating on you. The fact is that he now will be responsible for a child that he will bring into the world and it will most definitely be affecting you as well....monetarily and emotionally. Your boyfriend sounds like a deadbeat wannabe.
You sound like a really nice girl with values, but you have to fight the feeling that some women have when confronted by cheating losers, DON'T FALL FOR THEIR CHEAP VIOLIN SERENADE of how wrong they felt after getting CAUGHT and blah blah blah. He's only trying to manipulate you into keeping his sorry butt around.
If he cheated on you once, he'll most probably cheat on you again. He's not worth you or your family's future. And you'll always be looking over your shoulder worried if he's cheating on you again. The fact he had sex with someone else just shows that he's wasn't really interested in you but his own selfish desires. Stay in school and forget about him....you sound like a really nice girl, I'm sure one day a great guy will appear and love you truly for the kind of person that you are!! =) Please don't be fooled by that jerk!!!
P-S ......He wanted to be "truthful" because he knew that the girl will be coming to look for him when the baby is born....that's why he was "truthful". Don't fall for his bull....stand tall, concentrate on your studies and move on. The guy is a cheating sleaze. Sorry.
Wishing you a good day,
TCL
2007-05-14 02:18:15 · answer #5 · answered by Jesus S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marrying someone because you're afraid that you'll lose him if you don't is NOT the right reason. Marry because you're in incredible love and you want to be with the guy for forever. I'm going to spare the lecture on the fact that you're young and have a life full of possibilities before you. But maybe you could tell him that you do love him, and that maybe in the future you could get married, but you want to be older before you make a decision like that.
2007-05-14 02:06:43 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're stupid for staying with this guy as long as you have, and even stupider (not a word) for wanting to marry him.
He wants to marry you so he can get into your pants. He slept with that other girl because he wanted to get into someone's pants. When you're drunk, the real you comes out. A drunk man's words are a sober mans thoughts.
And in my oppinion, he only TOLD you because he probably figured you'd find out eventually, and this way it'd be easier to cover it up. He cheated on you once, and he'll cheat on you again, especially if you aren't having sex with him. Lastly, if you really have enough reason to think he'd leave because you didn't want to get married yet, then you don't love/trust him as much as you think you do.
You shouldn't tie yourself down so young, especially with someone with so few morals.
2007-05-14 02:04:38 · answer #7 · answered by Steve M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married.If you're scared he will leave you then it is not true. If you are meant to be you will be. But if you get married and have sex and if he left you, how would you feel? Or what if you get married and you are unhappy feeling like you are missing out on something. Even if it feels right now be careful. There is still so much to experience before marriage. I know, I went way to fast and missed out on partying, friends, dating, college, and so much that you could never get back.
2007-05-14 02:20:51 · answer #8 · answered by arian13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! You and your boyfriend need to think a little more before the next step. He is going to a good school and has a chance to make something of himself. You can be with him will you are both in college, and wait until you both out of college. If you both are ready to get married now you will be ready after college. Don't hurry. You both are still going to be around.
2007-05-14 02:12:46 · answer #9 · answered by lopez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! I hope that you are re-reading your own question. He slept with another girl who is pregnant with his child. You think that maybe he wants to get married just to have sex with you. You will marry him just so you don't lose him. You need to ditch him and you need to move on with your life. Both of you are not emotionally ready for marriage and from the sounds of it you won't be for a few years. He cheated on you and you don't think that he may not do it again? Wake up please before you make the worst mistake of your life!
2007-05-14 02:06:57 · answer #10 · answered by Patrick E 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋