I'm due to give birth in 2 weeks and my fiancee's 14-year-old daughter is threatening suicide...?

Question

if he comes to the birth of his child. In fact, his daughter hates me & because I could care less that she does (I didn't do anything to warrant the hatred), he doesn't want to have anything to do with me. I am heartbroken but feel like I can be a good mom without him & had hoped that we could just concentrate on our child. For the past few months, he's been ignoring all my correspondence & I was told that his name won't be on the birth certificate because we aren't married. I have a strong support system and an older child that's very excited about the birth...however, I can't help but feeling devasted. Should I sue him for child support even though it seems he doesn't want to have anything to do with the child?

Please don't post any rude remarks...I'm having a hard enough time dealing with this situation. Thanks everyone!

Oh yeah. I forgot to mention I had moved all the way to the Bahamas to be with him until his daughter came to live with him when her mom had had enough of her trying to break up her 2nd marriage & abandoned her. I left as soon as she said she'd kill herself because I was afraid she would. I tried for 2 years to "win" the child over...

Answer 1

Honey, you are about to have the greatest blessing in a woman's life, you are about to give birth to your child, your own flesh and blood.
If your child's father and sister are acting like bastards, just ignore them. If she wants to kill herself, it's her problem. If he doesn't want to have anything to do with the baby, who cares? I wouldn't care if I were you!
I was married once, from that marriage came a wonderful baby boy that is now 6 yo. His father couldn't care less about him.
Do I care??? Hell, no. I try to be a good mom, the best I can. I now have a lovely husband that has been helping me raise my son as his own and believe me, my son doesn't miss his father. For everything and everyone, my husband is his dad (and he knows his biological father).
If you want to sue him, you have that right, but I wouldn't be worrying about that now. You should be happy, extasiated, thinking about how your baby looks like.
Concentrate only on the good things and as soon as your child looks into your eyes, you will see that the rest doesn't matter.

Good luck and be strong, you'll see it's worth it.

Answer 2

First of all I wouldn't let his teenage daughter get to you. At that age she's just as hormonal as you are (all jokes aside). Your both going through one of those trivial times in life that set you apart from other women, you with the birth of your child and her with the trials of being a teen. I think her hatred for you stems from issues with her father not you or your baby. So if I were you I'd ignore her threats yet try to be a little empathetic to her age and maturity level. Secondly, if her father is the father of your child he should take responsibility. If that means you have to sue for child support then so be it. However, he legally doesn't have to be anything more to your child then a pay check in the mail every month. I think you should try to stay strong and fall back on your support group rather then try to gain his or his daughters acceptance. In due time he will come around if he really wants to be a part of your child's life. Don't let yourself get too emotionally distracted though or you'll end up harboring resentment towards people you really care about.

Answer 3

Oh sweety I'm so sorry this has been hard for you. I would say if daughter continues and Father refuses to be there....let the cards fall where they may and focus on your baby. Sometimes you can see the freight train coming down the tracks and the best you can do is be willing to patch things up afterward. His daughter is playing a dangerous game and the consequences could be that her Father will be so hurt that he had to miss the birth of his child because of her manipulation...that they could end up becoming estranged. Or...you could be so hurt that you could break ties with him. Such a high stakes game of this unstable teen could do a lot of damage and unfortunately who pays? Your precious baby. My advice is let your boyfriend make the decision and let him know that this will hurt you and your baby. For him...there is no choice he can make that he will not lose something. Pity him. He will lose out no matter what choice he makes. And should he not be there for you and your baby...make a decision then and only then. Focus on your baby for now. That's all you can do. The serious decisions can wait for after.

Answer 4

It is only my opinion, but if you can manage without him and his financial support, then just walk away, and ignore him. He obviously doesn't love you very much, or his soon to be child if he is giving in to the pressure from a confused teenager.

If it was me, I'd contact a state run mental health facility and have the kid committed because she is a danger to herself. Threatening suicide is illegal, and they can lock you up for your own protection. The rub is, HE is the one that would have to do it, and since he won't answer your corresponence, he has made his choice.

Write him one more note, and let him know that if he does not attend the birth, you will assume that he is giving up all parental rights to the child, and will register the birth as such, and then get on with your life.

Check with a lawyer as well, because you don't want to get in a tug of war over the child with him at a later date.

Good Luck and God Bless.
Dr. Mike

Answer 5

I think the 14 year old is being a drama queen. And is probably pretty spoiled.

If you are having the baby in the Bahamas I think you can put the name of the father on the birth certificate. I've heard of a state in US not allowing you to put the baby's father's name on the birth certificate. In fact I've never seen one that requires you to state you are or are not married.

Has the father severed all contact with you? But the two of you need to sit down and figure out how to manage this child. I think counseling is in order as well

Answer 6

I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now. I know what it is like to have a stressful time during what is supposed to be one of the most joyful times of your life. Just remember that you have no control over the way other people behave but you do have control over yourself. Pray for your baby's father and his daughter but in the meantime take care of yourself, your older child and this brand new baby. I would double check on his name being on the birth certificate. I don't think him being married to you really has anything to do with that. Case in point Anna Nicole Smith's baby had her boyfriends name on the birth cert and he wasn't even the father. The baby should definitely get child support. Good luck!!!!

Answer 7

While they may be young, this situation has thrown everyone except for Beth's mother into an adult situation. Clearly Beth's mother does not have Beth's best interest at heart. With her family situation, and her threats, I think you should take this very seriously. You should call the police, report everything that you know. They can take the girl to a protective place and give her the help that she needs. Even if your kids never see her again, they will know that you did the right thing. I really feel you should take this advice. I had a friend that killed himself.

Answer 8

Do you think he's using this as a scapegoat ? Seems to me either he is or his daughter is really manipulative.
At this time you need to be at your best for a upcoming birth try not to think about it. Easier said than done? Yes. But try. Stress can really complicated the birthing process and it's not healthy for you or your baby. All those negative things that you feel are being felt by your unborn-child. Surround yourself with positive people and things. Occupy your time with a hobby. Organize a nursery maybe? And just let it be.. It could be that he's having a hard time dealing with a impending birth... My boyfriend starting acting all weird. Eventually if it leads to the point where you and him can't discuss the child situation as adults. Just calmly notify him of the actions you are willing to take to make sure the child will be provided for. Just think about your child... many women have raised kids on their on. Who said we need men for that?

Blessing and good luck! xoxo

Answer 9

Try convincing the father of your child that the best solution is for the two of you to formalize your relationship and legitimizing your expectant child by getting married just as soon as possible. Especially before your child is born. This can be performed at your local courthouse for less than $100. This act of love will not only improve your self-image and self-respect, but improve the self-image and self-esteem of the father's daughter. Certainly, that act of love will show her the moral and mature way of dealing with a new life that is coming into this world to be shared by all, including your "step-daughter." Do this soon for the sake of your child and step-child. Ask her to be an attendant and witness.

Answer 10

Usually, I am entirely against women getting "child support" because my philosophy is that whoever has the joy and privilege of the major contact with the child also ought to step up to the plate and accept the accompanying financial and other responsibilities. I have contempt for most separated and divorced women, who I find to be excuse makers and losers, blood sucking parasites, and so on. However, in your case, I am on your side. You should bear the child, have the child, keep the child, and dump his sorry *ss. Get on with your life. Rid yourself of him and his snotty, suicidal daughter, and his other baggage. Those two, you can certainly do with out, and so can the new child. You need to get a lawyer now. Have no fear, the lawyer, while expensive, can probably rape your ex's wallet, and get his attorney's fees from there. You have major advantage in any separation legal action, because the courts tend to discriminate against anyone who is there, if they happen to own a pair of testicles. So, you are likely to win in court.

You have my sympathy and my best wishes. Carpe Diem!